Okay,
I have been in a realtionship for 6 years during which time we have had 3 children together. The relationship has just ended about 3 weeks ago.
I am totally fine with it.
Other people expect me to be falling apart, or sad or angry or grieving, and I guess part of me thinks that's probably right because in my past experience that's exactly what happened.
But I'm not.
I still love him and care for him deeply, but I don't feel the same attachment to him, I don't feel the same sense of 'ownership' as I did before, that he is mine and I am his to the exclusivity of all else. So my question is, 'Is this just what happens to all relationships over time? or "Does this happen to people who are raising thier frequency? Do you just feel a detachment-with-love kind of thing where you don't place as much importance in somethings as you once did? OR Is there something wrong with my brain or my heart centre that I need professional help with?
Does anybody else get this?
I'm a little bit scared that I'm somehow abnormal in some way.
Any reassurance would be greatly appreciated.
Love to All.
Indi.
Replies
You are not abnormal. You are handling things better.
Thank you star.
With love.
Thank you beautiful soul. I am feeling this way about all my relationships. Even with my kids. I adore them and strive to make sure they are happy and cared for and i find it's a whole lot easier when I have this detachment-with-love. Its like Im allowing them to be more themselves and I stress alot less and dont take things personally if sometimes we get it wrong. It feels odd sometimes when I remember how I used to feel about these things but it's so much nicer to be where I am so I don't miss the old -me views at all.
I have been planted, you have all nourished me with your words and your love, watch me grow!
I love you.
Lol! This is brilliant advice and I agree that takes work for a relationship to flourish. I am enjoying the time apart from my partner, we were suffocating each other and in an unhealthy place, but because we are still friends I am staying open to the possibility that we can make it work. We still care for one another and are just taking it a little at a time. Thank you so much for the reply.
With heartfelt gratitude
Your Sister Indi
No, sounds like you have evolved alot!
http://iasos.com/metaphys/3d-4d/
3-D
3rd-Dimensional Relationships
The way relationships normally work
with us here in our 3rd dimension.
4-D
4th-Dimensional Relationships
The way relationships normally work
on the 4th dimension.
SEPARATION
Separation is only an illusion.
Separation from the God Source.
Separation from each other.
And separation from aspects of our self.
INTEGRATION + REINTEGRATION
Everything and everyone are really all connected.
SECRECY
Witholding information from my partner & from myself.
With secrecy, my partner never gets to know who I truly am. Keeps me separated from the greater portion of myself.
HONESTY + OPENNESS
Total honesty with my partner.
With honesty, my partner gets to know who I truly am. Honesty means being 100% who I truly am.
I do not withold a comment or information just to avoid hurting my partner, or to control the relationship.
I can never really know or predict what will hurt another or how they will react to my honesty.
Therefore, I should stop assuming responsibility for the other person's emotions, growth, & reactions to my honest non-manipulative communications.
FEAR-BASED MONOGAMY
Through my monogamous relationship, I am "separated" from the vulnerability of having to deal with any other relationships.
Therefore, I feel "safe" (separate and safe).
RELATIONSHIPS BY CHOICE
Monogamy-by-choice or
Polygamy-by-choice or
Poly-Fidelity-by-choice.
There is no inherent "right" or "wrong" to any type of relationship: They are all inherently neutral. Any type of relationship is "okay". If I choose monogamy, this does not mean that I expect or need my partner to also choose monogamy.
CONDITIONAL LOVE
I will love you, only so long as you fulfill my needs and expectations. I will withdraw my love, if you do not satisfy me.
UNCONDITIONAL LOVE
Even if you don't fulfill my needs and expectations,
I will still love you. I love you for who you are without trying to change you.
COMMITTMENT
I need committment, in order to avoid my fear of having to deal with other relationships. Committment is a 3rd-dimensional illusion. Committment never insures my security. Committment only makes me think or feel that I am secure.
BEING IN THE PRESENT
Committment would take me out of the present. I stay in the present, and I do not need a committment, because I trust that the future will take care of itself.
EXPECTATION
I want, expect, and try to get my partner to fulfill my expectations and needs. I use my partner to satisfy my needs.
NO EXPECTATIONS
I trust and have no expectations from my partner.
I enjoy my partner, but without expectations.
MANIPULATION
I use obvious or hidden manipulation so that my needs will be met, and so that I can remain protected from my own fears. I only see my partner as who I need them to be, not who they really are.
ALLOWINGNESS
I allow my partner to be who they need to be. Only then can I see who they truly are.
THE NEED TO CONTROL
I do not trust that everything that occurs is for my highest good. Therefore, I need to control and shape the relationship, so that it will take the form I wish it to be. I feel like I "own" my partner.
ABSOLUTE TRUST
I trust that everything that occurs is for my highest good. Therefore, I have no desire or need to control my partner.
RELATIONSHIP takes Precedence
to PERSONAL GROWTH
PERSONAL GROWTH takes Precedence
to RELATIONSHIP.
DEPENDENCY
I depend on and need someone
outside of myself in order to be happy.
SELF-SUFFICIENCY
I recognize that I, and only I, am the creator of my own reality. Therefore, only I, am the generator of my own Happiness.
A PERSON CAN NOT FULLY LOVE MORE THAN ONE PERSON.
3-D emphasizes Duality.
If my partner begins to also love another person, that means he/she will have
less love for me.
(This is an illusion.)
A PERSON CAN FULLY LOVE
MORE THAN ONE PERSON.
4-D emphasizes Multiplicity.
No matter how many other people my partner loves, this does not diminish at all, in any way, how much love he/she has for me. No matter how many other people I love, this does not diminish at all, in any way, how much love I have for my partner.
My partner spending
LESS TIME with me
is not good.
My partner spending
LESS TIME with me
is fine.
If I truly love myself unconditionally, then the time spent with myself is equal in value to the time spent with my partner.
I love myself as much as I love my partner.
Therefore, the time I spend alone is just as enjoyable as the time spent with my partner. Therefore, it's okay if I spend less time with my partner.
PAIN
There is always pain when I function from
the 3-D relationships "mind-set".
HAPPINESS, PLEASURE, & ECSTACY
There is never any pain, only happiness, pleasure, and ecstacy, when I function from
the 4-D relationships "mind-set".
ENDING A RELATIONSHIP
creates PAIN & LOSS.
ENDING A RELATIONSHIP
does not create PAIN & LOSS.
In realizing that this relationship is no longer serving us, we choose to harmoniously end it. We recognize that the relationship is going in different directions, and so we allow it to end, without any hard feelings. Only with love.
FEAR or PAIN of LONELINESS
Loneliness, like separation, is a 3-D illusion.
FEELING CONNECTED
to SIGNIFICANT OTHERS.
Even if my partner is far away (in space),
or even if
I haven't seen my partner for a long time (in time),
I still feel very connected to them. Whereas separation is an illusion, being actually connected-together is the reality.
ANGER AT ANOTHER
(Externalized anger)
I am angry at my partner for not meeting my needs!
ANGER AT MYSELF
(Internalized anger)
I am angry at myself for creating a reality that I do not prefer.
VICTIMHOOD
"Hurters" & "Victims"
I sometimes hurt others.
I am sometimes hurt by the comments or actions of others.
"Hurters" & "Victims" is an illusion.
There is no victimhood, since each one creates their own reality.
I CREATE MY OWN REALITY.
Self-Responsibility
Self-Empowerment
I create my own reality, and this even includes other people's reactions to my actions. I can never be hurt by another person. I can never hurt another person. Only I am responsible for my reactions to other people's comments or actions.
FEELING RESPONSIBLE for
the NEEDS of my PARTNER
My partner is seeking to have their needs met externally by me, but a person's needs
can never really be met by anyone else,
so they are bound to eventually get angry
at me, for not fulfilling their needs.
BEING RESPONSIBLE for
what I would like to GIVE to
My PARTNER & our RELATIONSHIP
I am pure in my intention in my relationship.
I am 100% who I truly am with my partner.
I am responsible for what, in my integrity,
I would like to give to our relationship.
I'm SO HAPPY THAT YOU HAVE RESOLVED THIS INDIGO! This has to feel like a huge load off the ol back.
Double thanks to you Butterfly for this list. I've already believed in nearly everything on the 4-D list since I could remember, but am starting to understand a few more of them now.
The problem arises when you have a significant other who is still in the 3-D realtionships and thinks that the 4-D relationships described here are "selfish".
Maybe this needs to be a separate post..."how to manage a relationship when only one of you believes in self-growth and self-happiness over trying to make the other person in the relationship happy 24/7 (and then taking it as a personal insult when this doesn't happen)"
Thats a long title.
Lol! Thats a very long title but its a good concept. I am wondering if my partner will be willing to undertake a re-structuring of his 3d mindset(?) We will see.Thank you for the reply it made me smile. Have a beautiful day!
Wow. Thank you. This is great and I will share it with everyone.
Thank you for replying! And I agree that detatchment feels far more natural and peaceful. I'm completely without angst and I am completely surprised by it but really happy too. I dearly love the way you put into words exactly how I feel.
Big Loves and Peace Brother.
there is nothing wrong with you........ i think it sounds healthy
honor where you are in the moment and be true to yourself
congratulations!!
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