I've always felt sort of out of place. I've always felt different than other people, and no matter where I go, I always seem to stand out. I get attention that I don't always want....sometimes I feel like some strange novelty, here to give people a glimpse of something they've never seen before. It can get lonely sometimes....and I've always been a lone wolf....but it does get lonely....knowing that you're just so much different than everyone else.
It's an interesting phenomenon. I call it the MJ syndrome. Both Michael Jordan and Michael Jackson had it. People, who don't truly feel unique....always feel the need to stand out, and be "special". But the truly unique ones...stand out so much....that all they want is to be normal. Sometimes that's how I feel.
Sometimes I catch myself thinking, I'd just give anything to be normal. To just be like everyone else, to not stand out so much. Usually I don't think too much about it, or when that thought comes, I just move on with my day.....but today, it's hitting me hard. We all want to be different....but not so different. We all want to be an individual, but not so much that you feel like you're the only person in the whole world, who's like you. We need a sense of community...a sense of connection, a sense of similarity with other people.
And for someone like me, it's hard. There's simply next to nothing in common, with regular people. I don't understand their ways....why they think what they think, and do what they do. I don't understand their pettiness, and smallness. I don't understand why they lack so much ambition, so much talent, so much intelligence and will. Well I do understand...but it's difficult to have a connection with them, because I'm completely the opposite.
That's why....all my life....I've had to form my own peer group. My peer group, the people I've felt connected with....were always the greatest standouts in human culture. People like, Michael Jackson, or Michael Jordan....Arnold Schwarzenegger.....presidents, scientists, inventors, explorers.....all the great people throughout history. All the people who've achieved the pinnacle of excellence for this world.....in whatever field they've chosen. These were always my peers, the people I've felt closest to, and most similar to.
And I've always been that way. That no matter what I do...I have to be in the absolute highest class, among the true masters at it. I felt that's where I belonged....that's who I was...and I deserved to be there. And that's ironic, seeing as how I grew up....among the absolute lowest of the low class....in terms of material. We were one step above homelessness. And I always despised that....because I felt better than that....I felt like, not only was I high class, I was among the highest of the high. And I would do whatever it took, no matter how long it took....to get where I belong. And that's what I've been doing.
But it gets lonely. Sometimes it's hard. Sometimes I wish I was just a regular person. And didn't have so much ambition and will....to be the absolute best that I can be. Or more accurately....sometimes I wish, there were others like me. People that I can actually meet, and be in a community with. I don't have many friends....and the friends I do have, are not like me at all. I've never met anyone like me. The people who are like me....I can't know. But I still try to surround myself with them, and feel some sense of community and bond.
I understand how Michael Jackson felt....and understand why he would have paintings of all types of different great people, and put himself in the painting with them. He felt those were his peers. Those were the people who were like him. And that's how I feel, I've always felt that. And like Michael....sometimes life can get lonely like that. Sometimes...you just want to be like everyone else.
But that's the card we chose to play....and experience. There's no point in griping about it....we're here on a mission of service. To help this world...be the best world it can be. And that mission is what I've been focused on, for the better part of 10 years. And, as is my style...I hope to be able to aid with that, on a big scale. But it does get lonely....and it's difficult being such a stand out....but, the only thing to do is keeping moving forward....with faith that everything will work out for the better.
Anyways...thanks for letting me share my heart with you guys....and thank for listening.