Spiritual Forum

I have a story to tell you.
This story has no promise of coming events, future timelines, or even alien encounters. It is the story of my journey, something that I am feeling a bit lost on right now. Im not sure if this story will concern you, or why I am writing it. I think im confused and when that happens writing tends to help me sort out my issues. Sometimes I post my writings on this site, sometimes I save them for myself. Generally, the feedback on my posts has always been positive and affirming and some people have even helped me to solve my problems. Perhaps that is why I am writing, because I need some affirmation or answers that are locked in one of your minds, only to be unlocked by my story. But I digress, onto the story.
About six years ago I began my spiritual journey in life. I was unaware that my journey was beginning, I was simply wrapped up in its beginnings. It started when my parents got a divorce and subsequently flipped my entire world upside down. Things changed rapidly, and I tried desperately to hold onto whatever I could. I plunged into several bouts of depression, and after several therapists and medications I arrived at my senior year of high school. I was feeling better, off medication, and ready to start my college career.
It was at this juncture that I discovered my spiritual side. Without the constant therapy and medications I began to rely on myself for understanding. I searched through the internet and began coming across a variety of spiritual knowledge and databases. At the time I was unsure why, but my interest was piqued. Over the next several years I began to practice meditating, compassion, and had several epiphanies (some under enhanced consciousness, some under normal consciousness). My foray into the spiritual brought with it joy, anger, excitement, depression, guilt, peacefulness, and a deeper understanding of my life. I began to accept the duality of life, good and bad.
Since the beginning of this journey I have experienced ever increasing synchronicities, newfound consciousness, and incredible insights into life. My experiences have changed me and certainly propelled me way past the depression that kickstarted the whole journey. Here I am now, several years later, and facing a similar scenario. The unknown aspects of what my life would bring were one of my biggest fears during my senior year in high school. I was unsure of my education, my family, my friends, and my sanity. Here I am now as a senior in college, about to graduate. My experience is similar, the unknown looms over my head and still scares the shit outta me. I know that my life will be fine and everything always works out in divine functioning, but I cant shake this feeling of doubt and confusion.
I guess that’s why Ive wrote this piece. I want to know if anyone else here is experiencing this feeling of confusion coming into 2015. I learned all these lessons, integrated spiritual knowledge from others and myself into a comprehensive worldview that has helped to bring me to a place of readiness. It is now that I am yearning deeply for something more than what I have both spiritually and personally. I have such lofty goals for myself that I am afraid to fail at. Maybe I need to harness the fear, control it, use it to my advantage because ive always let it control me. I feel lonely, but in sync with the universe. I feel love, but lack a medium to express it in.
I am yearning, deeply, for something so much more. I want a job that has purpose and meaning, something fulfilling that challenges me creatively. I want to share in love with someone. I know that love is what we are, and we are never not loved unconditionally, and maybe ive forgotten some of that and have lost my way. But I constantly feel like an isolated person floating through a sea of extremely confused people who claim to not be confused. Well im confused, and Im not afraid to say it. In fact I know that admitting your confusion and lack of knowledge is the first step in gaining more knowledge. I guess Im tired of patrolling spiritual internet and conspiracy blogs looking for some information to resonate with. I know that the answers are all within me, and meditation has been extremely helpful to me. But I want some connection in this world. We are all so disconnected from ourselves and our world that anyone that is authentically living in this world feels isolated.
I want connection, I want understanding, I want to see people be all they can be so that we live in a world where service to others and knowledge are held to higher standards than our current apathetic mood. Please comment something, not looking for anything specific, just looking for some other perspectives on my situation. Thanks in advance all you beautiful people.