I trouble a lot these days about jealousy and insecurity.
When I hang out with my girlfriends, I'm supersensitive about which one of us gets the attention. And it's NEVER me. So in a way I feel my insecurity about my own looks is almost justified because this has been going on for years and I don't know how to stop it. I can't enjoy any parties or hangouts anymore because I feel so worthless around other people.
I strongly see myself in others, all of my close friends resemble something in me - and that makes me feel that I am no one because everyone else has already taken it and made it better. And if the few moments I feel like the true ME and feel carefree and happy about that, then that's not good enough either! Even at my happiest, most comfortable, guys still ignore me. And I get it, we can't have everyone we want - but it's not like I want those guys. It's just perplexing me to find every single one of the opposite sex ALWAYS chosing whoever girl is next to me! I swear to you, it's so strange to experience this! It's literally every single time. I've come to the conclusion that it's not even about looks! If I have a dorky looking, fun friend, then the guys are immediatly drawn to her. If I have a supermodel looking, cool friend, then she automatically attracts someone who likes that as well.
While me....... I don't know if I attract anyone? And isn't this young life supposed to be fun, filled with heartbreaks, thrills, falling in love and apart.... but I don't have the chance to experience any of that. I'm no one. It sound very depressive but I'm being real. The words I say, how I say them, how I walk - it's so normal! It's so boring. No matter which guy I attract, he'll always find some better version of me right next door. It seems that every small beautiful aspect I may have, just vanish into thin air compared to other girls who are more this and more that. I cannot stop comparing myself. It's hard when you talk to someone who's making eye contact to you, and then spots your friend next to you - and completely starts to ignore you. It does something with your self esteem, whether you want to or not. I watch people flirt all the time and wonder how they do it, how they dare and I become striked by how the girls just have to be themselves and suddenly get asked out for coffee (or just a date).
Do any of you think that some people are just not made to be loved by others? I'm loved by my family and grateful for that - but I love to love other people too! I'd love to have a boyfriend. What if I'll never have one? Are some souls on earth to be isolated and lonely?
PS. I know this sounds like I'm obsessed with attention or something like that, but the core of it is that I feel worthless and awkward around other people, and am really having a hard time figuring out who I am. I appreciate all advice, maybe some of you elders out there can share some experience :-)
Replies
HAHA! Oh I do!!!!!!!!! ;-) you are absolutely right ;-) hehe
hehe, interesting example. Thank you so much, it helps to read this... tell me how your list is going, and if it's working? Hmmm...... very cool!!
Kat.
From my experience i know its natural for everybody to have gone through some kind of worth/ self esteem issues... embrace it! embrace the fact u feel this way; and now you can change that thought... because your thoughts are creating your reality.... if u percieve you are unloveable... guess what? the universe and source will mirror your issues back at you.
I agree with knight; you need to sit down with a pen and paper and consider what kind of mate you want? write a list, write it all, how would your perfect world will be? then once thats done, believe your worth of that kind of love everyday, .... once you make an attempt, you will see how your world begins to reflect back what u believe about it ;)
Alot of people have applied this principle; including famous singers and celebrities.... einstein himself was told he was an idiot, and that compared to other people he was told he was dyslexic & brainless... thats what he was told by people and made to feel.
he literally refused to be believe he was; and imagined himself as a number 1 visionary scientist.... he believed it with all his heart.... ;)
Goodluck & realise you ARE worthy of LOVE, everyone deserves love & cuddles!!! <3
Thank you STAR :-) it helped to read your words! I will try the writing exercise ;-)
I believe the Universe mirrors.. in ways we don't even understand. It's very fascinating (and sometimes frustrating...)
But thank you!! :)