Hello! For some time now I've been feeling a lot of changes going on which I have a hard time to put the finger but some of the major things I've experienced is this:
1. Waves of mood swings. A majority of depressing feelings. Feelings that makes everything seem dull and gray. No drive to do anything. In this situation you want to just lie down and disappear or to seek something to escape like watching movies or playing games.
2. Insatiable hunger. Cravings for food and drinks like never before. The other day can be the complete opposite with no apetite at all, forgetting to eat etc.
3. Non-motivation on doing goals you set up for yourself. Hard to follow your routines and end up completing very few projects and things you want to accomplish or get better at. You end up doing just about as much as necessary.
4. I used to be a very active person physically, going on long walks, jogging, taking bicycle trips, exercising at the gym. Now however this just feels too draining, the mere thought of doing something physically exhausting is enough to make me not to.
I know these are all signs that something is happening from within. What I don't know if this only has something to do with myself that I haven't been able to resolve or if these signs are showing up in many others. I do not seek an excuse that this comes from without and I really do want to get back to "normal". But everyday I wake up and I am almost pissed off at myself for allowing me to have become this passive and lazy and non-motivated at every area in life. I really do struggle achieving the things I want to do but I often end up doing not much.
I would wish this would all change so that I can feel more happy about life again. Meditation does not help to find centeredness and clarity for some reason. I just end up feeling like there is a stormy sea inside of myself that is disrupting all balance and focus I used to have. I thought it was just something momentarily that would go away with time, but I've been like this for over a month now and I'm really starting to get worried.
I would like to be able to do all the things I enjoy without pushing myself to do them. Everyday it's the same, I have to drag myself to do the things I loved. Let's not talk about my work which is fine, but it feels now more than ever so hard to get up in the mornings with a positive attitude.
This is something that has started to affect others around me and they have started to notice I'm not the same. I don't want to be like this, but again there's like this huge feeling that I don't have the motivation to do anything. I feel at times I would just like to cease to exist (not suicidal or anything) but everything can feel so meaningless and I am so unsure what is causing me to feel this way.
If you have any solutions or suggestions what to do about this kind of state of being, what may be causing it I would really be grateful. And most of all be able to write this, it helps to get it off your chest just by writing and at least trying to put a finger on all the things that is troubling.
Namaste my friends.