Operation American Spring was supposed to be a historic event, a day of revolution and taking back the good ol’ USA and making it a real country again. We’re not entirely sure what Tea Party types mean by “taking back our country” but we assume it has something to do with a black, Muslim liberal who was born in Kenya being in the White House, and that’s just not okay with them. And today was to be the day where a bunch of angry old white men chased him out of office. And anywhere from 10 to 30 million people were supposed to show up for this monumental event.
I watched the live stream from the event today, and watched as the gathering grew from about 100 people to maybe a thousand, and that’s being generous, like giving a bad golfer a big handicap. I kept seeing the same freaking people in the live stream video, even as they wandered from place to place. And one of them was rather aggravated that the turnout was so poor, which was followed up by a lady who claimed that the others were all trapped at campgrounds in the area due to flood waters. Right. Or maybe they all had flat tires.
Or maybe they didn’t show up for one of the below reasons. Here are the top 35 excuses for the missing 29,999,000 freedom-loving patriots who were nowhere to be found today.
1. President Obama ordered FEMA to round them up and put them all in concentration camps.
2. President Obama declared martial law and ordered them to be herded and executed.
3. BENGHAZI!
4. It’s meth-cooking season, so couldn’t leave their meth labs.
5. They all went to Washington state, instead of Washington D.C.
6. They used Apple Maps and ended up protesting in a corn field in Iowa.
7. They couldn’t figure out a way to get there without using a government-built road.
8. Cliven Bundy’s cattle was blocking the roadways.
9. It was national discount day at Golden Corral.
10. There were too many puddles to navigate around.
11. The 15 or so big rig drivers who showed up for Truckers for Truth back in October are still clogging up the interstates in the area.
12. They tried to make signs to bring to the protest, but couldn’t get all the words spelled right in time to show up.
13. They were all looking for that Ben Ghazi fella they always hear about on Fox News.
14. They found out that neither Ted Cruz nor Sarah Palin would be there, and didn’t bother.
15. COPS was being filmed in their trailer park that day and didn’t want to miss an opportunity to be on television.
16. There was a Duck Dynasty marathon on A & E all day.
17. They couldn’t get their tractors started.
18. They couldn’t miss their weekly KKK meeting.
19. Same reason why every other previous battle for freedom and liberty was halted – it rained.
20. Saw a rainbow over Washington, and turned around, thinking that getting near it might make them gay.
21. They were given ultimatums by their cousins that they’d break up with them if they left for a day or two.
22. They all accidentally shot themselves.
23. Had to stay home to defend their trailer parks from a rumored Bureau of Land Management takeover.
24. Washington-area stores ran out of Twizzlers, so they panicked and went back home.
25. Cliven Bundy gave a live lecture on the Negro on the same day, couldn’t miss the chance of being enlightened.
26. Found out that Washington-area liquor stores don’t carry Old Milwaukee or Pabst Blue Ribbon.
27. Illegal to ride lawn mowers on the streets of Washington.
28. They couldn’t find their teeth, and they don’t go out without them.
29. If you count the voices in the heads of the people who showed up, there were 30 million people there.
30. It’s square dance night at the VFW hall, and they promised their sisters they’d take them.
31. Got caught up at Waffle House, had their buffet for breakfast, lunch and dinner.
32. Their dogs were in heat.
33. Can’t leave Cliven Bundy’s ranch quite yet.
34. They were all raptured.
35. Their government disability checks weren’t enough to get them to Washington, which is all Obama’s fault.
Replies
In re to this article I have this to say: "...many of them are so inured, so hopelessly dependent on the system that they will fight to protect it" - from the character Morpheus in the movie The Matrix. (In this particular instance they use humor to disparage people).
Or, I could say this: "First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you WIN" - Mahatma Gandhi
Traxiss: "Roll over and take it like a leather clad gimp" - "bump baby" - LOL.
You're welcome, hellen...Yes, Chris Hedges is a highly intelligent man....I've enjoyed watching several of his interviews...
Kind of a perfect example on why weapons should never be allowed in the hands of untrained people. ;)
Kind of reminds me of that clip where an Fake Syrian Army rebel blows himself up with a bazooka. I can't help but laugh at those kind of vids. ;)
~Too fu#@ing funny, LOL!!!... The saddest part is, most of those 35 aren't even satire,
they're 100% true!
Stick: Yes, they're the WHITE MALE IN HIS 50's: the "New Negro".
~Let go of your racial fears, Darkstar... they keep you bound to the illusion of separation & division. The levels of ignorance you continue to promote on this site, regarding race & historical facts, shame no one but yourself... & ultimately reflect deeper psychic traumas that can be healed; if you're willing to do the work & look within. I won't hold my breath, but the deeper truth is, walking around with your level of anger & resentment is like drinking poison & expecting the other person to get sick. Be honest with yourself... how do you really feel? & I'm not talking when you're projecting your venom onto others. How do you feel when you clear your mind of your jaded opinions & are just with 'you'? Do you feel healthy, Darkstar? Always keep in mind... when you point the finger, there are four pointed back at yourself! You're caught in a very dark cul-de-sac of the Rabbit Hole... if you can work yourself out of it & turn around, there is Light at the end of the tunnel. It's beyond clear that you forgot a simple key to your freedom... this experience we call Life... is just a ride. ~TemetNosce247
My FEARS? WHY do you always think that I'm AFRAID? THE WHITE MALES IN THEIR 50's are always called "Teabaggers", "Racists", "Hillbillies", etc. because it is FASHIONABLE now.
Deeper psychic tramas? YOU see everything in regards to RACE - that is YOUR psychic trauma.
At one time it was "perfectly fine" to disparage blacks, and now it is "perfectly fine" to disparage white males in their 50's - do you get my POINT?!
I have been "a white (personally, I prefer 'caucasian') male in his 50's and my experiences with people of other races were 99.999% percent positive. I found that in spite of the racism from many caucasian people, almost all "people of color" were extremely tolerant of my whiteness and allowed me the freedom to define myself as a non-racist without automatically judging me by my racial traits. I feel they gave more tolerance than is deserved, considering the history of racism that is yet to be overcome. I do here apologize as a "white" for centuries of exploitation and worse on the part of others of my race and am grateful for the acceptance and forgiveness that I have been given by ffriends of other races that have been incredibly wronged and abused and still are in this present era 2014 and counting. Why don't you Obama haters just get real and admit that you can't stand having a man of color as president?
~Suggesting I see 'everything in regards to race' is laughable, Darkstar... in fact, nothing could be further from the truth. As I've written countless times on ACC: We are ALL biophysical extensions of the Gaian-Mind... & despite the tactics of 'Divide & Rule', which have kept the masses invested in the illusion of separation & division... we are, in fact... One! & that includes you, Darkstar. Despite the FACT that just yesterday, you wrote: 'Racial diversity is the cause for the downfall of civilization'.... or something to that effect. So, do I get your 'POINT'? You're kidding, right?... It's as transparent as the FEAR that is dripping off ALL of your words. ~InLight555
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