I'm noticing more and more that the "highs" and "lows" I keep experiencing are not merely a pattern, but an actual rhythm. Through life, I swoop low, then arc high, over and over and over again. My mood, my optimism, my progress... even as I note that I am seeing many signs, blessings ,and synchronicities,
I feel caught, stuck, between the extremes of duality. At the same time, I observe with increasing awareness as many signs and blessings come to me in life. I've continued to make improvements in a number of ways, but it's always one step forward, one step back, like an endless see-saw motion.
I'm starting to really wonder about this. That there must surely be something affecting me beyond the simple "things" in life that seem to illicit these responses. Is this a pattern I must break? Or am I riding a great wave?
There are times the pattern doesn't seem fitting, such as now. Such as in that so much good has happened to me recently, so much that I can no longer even try to deny the existence of a higher power-- something is clearly at work and working together with me... the low I feel just now doesn't seem... authentic. Not when I think about it objectively. I don't have a reason to feel like this. I have too much to be happy about.
Maybe I'm flickering back and forth between two dimensions. Two possible futures perhaps. Good or bad. Its so confusing.
Recent lessons will prove valuable in navigating this confusion. I welcome any feedback.
Its honestly like I just remembered the manic sine wave I've been living through is "just a ride" after all. It feels like a ride now. I feel... detached from my own heartache, right here in my chest. I don't even understand why I feel it anymore. I just undulate through duality endlessly, regardless of my experiences. Maybe I'm just starting to see through my prison. I can't figure it out, but I will.
Are others experiencing similar rhythms of high and low such as this? Even seemingly despite what is actually going on at times? I dare say it stands to reason that I am in tow or in step with something far bigger than my little bitty self. Can't make any other sense of it.
Ah well. Trust in the higher power has served me especially well in recent days. I know I'll be alright. I guess I just feel like I'm... taking a step "outside" of myself, to observe this strange pattern as I already observe the world. I am after all, the one thing I seem to have figured out the least...