As many of you embark on this journey of transformation, you will see not just you but all around respond through fear and other forms of abuse. Mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual abuse are a few that a majority of us are going through right now. You've been told many times by other people or other sources whether it be on the internet, tv, etc....that fear will play a big role. So now you are dealing with your own fears and you are working it out because that is within your realm, sphere of understanding. What are you going to do when someone close dear to you are suffering from this fear? Though they are not evolved enough to understand the harm that such fear generates so you ask yourself what do I do? It is bad enough that we go through it and that is within our power to do yet when someone we love is having a difficult time it is hard for us to stand by and watch. Some of us react by interfering, by bargaining, even sacrificing our own outcomes for the sake of such people that is an old way of thinking. There was many times while reading what others have to say in regards to ascension I never fully understood. I'm thinking to myself that those problems are out there out there, not here. Oh, they are here. Very close to us. Of course we have those fear. We have loved ones and would want nothing more but good outcomes for them. However, like going through the stage of grief for physical deaths we must allow and learn to grieve by letting go of our want and need to fix people. The martyrdom of it all. There is no longer I must save these people it is now only I must focus on my spiritual and learn forgiveness and letting go with love. To let go with love is to acknowledge, understand, realize, process through the associated symptoms. I am going through a time where every attachment I had is coming to a breakdown. All slowly reducing to ashes sometimes easily sometimes violent, soul wrenching heartache can sum what I've been going through for the past couple of days. I am here to say and assure you that though lonely at times, you are not alone and that you will get through this just trust yourself. Take it in all of it for what it is. In order to bring about a new era, you must start from the ground up. It will become natural, effortless. All you can do is one step at time. Remember most forgiveness and love. Open a generous heart and an encompassing though not a naive nor a martyr type of heart. That type of thinking no longer works here. Trust in the higher you and ask for help. Just ask for it and you shall receive.

I bought a kyanite pendant because it looked beautiful and I like the blue. Little did I know that it aids in past life recall. I received it for a day and that night I had a strange dream. I believe I was some sort of exorcist or someone linked with the occult in my past life. There was a series of horrendous events with mass killing, but the people who were committing the mass murders were under some demonic influence. I know what you are thinking, they are to blame for their actions if they kill someone. I think that something must have happen to make a normal individual abnormal and kill out of the blue. One of the event involved a school. A woman pulled the alarm and this caused massive panic. Students were running to the gym locker rooms and hiding in bathroom stalls. She killed herself later. Then another one happened where another woman was setting fire to the public. She was on fire but didn't die. Apparently, demonic. Everyone was racing in their cars like it was the end of the world. It was hysterical. I was driving as many strangers as I could fit into the car. We were in the same boat. I was driving frantically to get away. Then I couldn't find my brother so I had to circle back. It was then that I had exorcised a spirit attachment to a girl. The spirit was blue or purple and had been trapped in a red ball of energy. As soon as I released it, it was trying to bounce towards the sky. It couldn't make it there, but kept trying. The dream ended with me back in the car, driving again. Then in front of me stood all these possessed people. One of them had lava for skin. You know the kind where it's cooled on the outside but you can see the veins of lava and fire. The three strangers and me recited the matthew prayer, but the thing mocked us. It recited it with us except there was an entirely different verse. It sounded familiar to me. Anyways, I woke up and am typing it now. I don't know what to make of it. This is not the first time where I remember a past life, it's just that I wasn't even wearing kyanite. I had it in my hands when I fell asleep woke back up to place it on my laptop next to my bed. In the dream, I had to get away and save some people. The fact that I could so easily cast out that ghost from a girl. Kyanite is fine in the day, but be weary of it in the night if you don't want to remember.

I didn’t know it then
I didn’t know that love
Could ever run dry
Perhaps through childish eyes
This world was worth it
Though as I learn
Nothing is ever as it seems

For a moment
I could feel innocence die
As each soul becomes unclean
To live a life free from taint
Did not exist anymore
I was consumed by disillusionment
I lost myself in guilt
My downfall is I care too much
Think too much for things
That will never resolve
As long as we breathe
This is the course of action
A way to inevitable destruction

Ask the battered woman if she believes
Or the son being violated every night
Or if the prayers of those in war torn nations
Ever reach the ear of an absent Father
It’s too selfish, a slap in the face
To ask if they really believe in sanctity
No they are cocooned in their own prisons
Even without hellish fire
You can feel the embers
In the dark hearts of man
Call me jaded
My faith is free
Free to scatter
Dust particles to the wind
I had believed too much
And the fall is that much longer
All because I refused to look away
Everything consumed
In a crimson so dark
It’s almost black
That’s the day when love
Wasn’t enough

Everything bad in my life
Compounds into one big monster
And there’s no way of release
Only the churning of the black emotions
Trying to break free from this shell
Every chance to falter
My faith is on a whim
Like matchsticks so easily broken
Time again I find myself
At the foot of your grace
But I am too emotional
To listen to your wisdom
I once thought that I could live
Knowing there’s at least one
Worth saving though the volatile world
Bruises and force misery seething to my surface
A mere coincidence
Fluke of nature perhaps
To be brought here
As I try to hardened the chrysalis
Life begins to turn its wheel
Knowing I live with the fear
That I am easily aborted
In darkness we are transformed
Though the pain will rip us apart
Until what’s only left
Is an oozing pile of dna
Waiting always for the chance
To become something more
Every day is about reaching
Something I can’t do
My impatience destroys my wishes
Too doubtful and mistrusting
I am here tossed by currents
To spend a lifetime at sea
Thrashing about in the waves
Not sure of where land may be
Every day sanded down until raw
From these bouts of anger and sorrow
Poisons for my decay
I cannot root myself
Not for this humanity
But you who always love them
More than I could ever know
You were sure that they
Through hardships will rise
You believed they would
Find kingdom someday
You were always there for every step
Watching never revealing yourself
I can’t do what you ask me
I can’t be what you are looking for

Will you reveal yourself
Or will you continue
To haunt me in the shadows
To cause only poetic words
While making me a slave
To the silence that overcomes me
As I bear my grievances of living
Without you here

Are you like in my dreams
Faceless yet familiar
Do you exist beyond my inner realms
Do I exist to you and if so
Do you want me as much as I want you

We are like two separate entities
Caught in this tango
Waywardly spirited
Yet with no choice
But to desire from afar
Only the slight pang
Of sadness and yearning
Which eventually gives way
To anger and loneliness
My companion all these years

The dust has long settled
In the fine lines of memory
And the heart struggles to beat
Threatening to cease
From the want of something
Never to be again
The mind wants to escape
Though it remains ensnared
In the wishes of yesterday
Because warmth has vacated
To places I know not

As I tax my mind
With these taunting
Ever tantalizing figments
I succumb to the feeling
Of sinking, drowning
In the depths of my despair
While searching for you
Just another smile
Another word
But our time in all it’s brevity
Makes me linger
To the embrace I will never feel again
To the eyes that I will never see

You are the source of my joy
As well as my hate
My elusive love

Arrogance is everywhere and basically drains compassion. Arrogance that your beliefs are superior. Arrogance that you are too good to learn anything else. Arrogance that out of all the living beings in this universe only you don't have to obey the laws set forth by nature. Sometimes instead of listening to your own voice and thoughts, one should try and hear out others' voices. I have not met a person too wise to listen. If your beliefs are true you do not need to explain. If you are right in your ways then you will firmly stand against temptation. The temptation to pursue your own rightness. The trouble with being right and wrong is, that there is always doubt. When you process things too much in your head, you lose all the other tools including your heart. For those who are ruled by the mind, they lack compassion so they do not care. We should balance ourselves between our aspects because without all of them working in together the fear holds us. If you look around, existence is full of fear, temptation, and other worldly vices permitted to working their ways into our lives because we ignore parts of ourselves. Instead of being full of yourself, why not learn to respect the will of others. Of course this is within reason. I am not saying abandon all of reason to follow someone blindly, but the respect that is required to work things out without having to resort to violence and hatred. I know I am babbling on though. The wise know that they are wise and need not impose it on others only the immature believe they are wise simply by saying they are. Live by your beliefs of love and not by setting rules to be repeated and learned but never heeded.

I'm trying my best to be in the flow with things and let it just happen since it will do me good to shed some baggage. I always thought I needed to keep improving despite feeling very lonely at times only to be pulled back from the edge of destruction by my will to stay in source's love. I have a tendency to forget the glory and see only darkness. Always chasing after this love I know not of. It's like wanting so much to be close to source's love and to identify oneself in it that everything grinds to halt spiritually. A spiritual rut is more like it. Usually I'm calm and controlled which is the biggest issue I have. I am slowly letting go of control but boy is it hard. There's this very disruptive pattern happening and energetically speaking I am all over the place. Being pulled in all sorts of direction is hard because I have things in my life that I have to focus on. I have responsibilities I have to take care of but my nerves are frazzled. I need an anchor desperately. I've always been my own anchor and it has never been a problem until now. Sometimes praying isn't enough. Sometimes having faith isn't enough. I always reach for more. For some the beyond is scary for me it's a necessity. Oh, I'm probably ranting a lot. The state of my mind is just like bam, pow, ouch.....I'm mentally having a war with myself. Lol.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder. No truer words were ever said! Each incarnation here is another web of karma and another adventure. Some of us will remember our past lives and those we've left to end up here so there can be much heavy feeling regarding this issue. We want to hang on because separation is always painful though through this we can transform ourselves. The best thing you can do in order to manifest said other side of you that you want in your life is by working on you. Be introspective and seek to understand every facet of yourself. I see many times people forcing themselves to find the one because they are angry, sad, lonely, need to fit in, etc...This is not what it's about. Though you will feel love it will the kind closest to source. The unconditional overwhelming light of love not the human interpretation. It is because we are here that our minds are confused and misconstrue this kind of love with 3d thinking. We want that happy ending, that prince on a white horse, the maiden who will let us see the unseen, but I think we should practice being content within ourselves first. Your guess is as good as mine because I do not know. However, the basic principle behind source's love is not tied to our human awareness. Human awareness wants the physical pleasures and wants to toy with the idea of love without having any responsibility to it. Sometimes I get the feeling that some people like to raise their kind of love on a pedestal or segregate other people's relationships. It shouldn't be so because every relationship the good, bad, and ugly are all important. If you look back there's always more to see. The problem I see here is that when we elevate our ideas with paper foundations it will collapse and at times in the most ugly way possible it collapses. I'm not here to judge what your opinions are if you think it is your love then it is so, but we need to be honest with ourselves. Do not chase after such fragile ideas, when they shatter they can cut very deeply. Be in the here and now knowing and being satisfy in your life with what's in front. All the pieces are found inside when you think long and hard. Love is a wonderful thing that goes without being said, but the brutality involved with a 3d veil is that it can be all consuming and torturous. I don't want people to think that there is only this perfect kind of love and I must chase after it at every turn when obviously selfless love will be hard to attain if you still carry the weight of all these unnecessary thoughts. Please be careful with all the cosmic chatter and be true to yourself. If you're indeed ready for love it will come! Though I must say twin flame seems kind of bit hyped and could be a distraction to what you're suppose to be doing....This is just my personal tidbit.

With a flash
We lost it all
Keep on falling
We've come here
Without grace
We're broken
Separated
Time makes us
Desperate
If I lose you here
I will lose myself

As the years pass
Trail has gone cold
Our hearts bleed
Yet these frozen tears
Can't escape this place
For all we sacrifice
The dream won't die
If we lose sight now
We'll never find
The illusion is strong
And the distance grows

With the way
That life complicates
I can't see what's in front
Still I'm running ahead
We've gone too far
If I turn back now
We'll never awake
Even if nothing remains
I'm trying hard
To reach you
In these last days

For I have loved

Lingering of a familiar scent
Fills my head as I search
Careful not to abandon
This image from long ago
I was always waiting
Placing my hope
On an unsure feeling
Pray my voice finds way
Into your heart
And bring you home
Here I am
Always thinking of you
Held captive
By conflicting emotions
You are calling me
As if you're beside me
Enveloped by nostalgia
I'm tantalize with what could be
Is it sorrow or happiness
That twists inside
I've long held on
To this secluded place
Where love once was
Chasing after shadows
Of where you were
These remnants aren't enough
Remembering isn't enough
Echoes of our past
Haunt me with their sound
The void grows in me
So sustain me with your kiss
Return this barren wasteland
With the fragrance of life

According to patriarchal philosophy matter is devoid of spirit therefore it is evil while matriarchal thinking has always held that spirit resides within matter. I wonder why that is? I don't know I mean in today's society there certainly more masculine energy present and I'm not talking about gender. The imbalance in our minds somehow is reflected in our society where most of the time we ignore listening, feeling, and being receptive. It's almost seen as laughable for a man to be in touch with this side of him or even stranger for a female to express her masculine. It always has been that we separated both sides when I feel that our spirit is neither. Perhaps we have yet to learn one side so we cannot fully express both, but wow does the imbalance kill I mean sometimes it literally kills. Another curious thing I ran across while surfing the internet was about spiritual materialism. It is materialism with a higher purpose other than physical sensations. It is when we balance the needs of this physical body with the higher realms of our spirit and mind that we begin to loosen the grip of envy and greed. I say this because of greed we lust after things and want what others have never being satisfy with what we've got. I guess I'm rambling but maybe this is some food for thought.

This is the time now where many of us will see the changes amongst ourselves and others. While some may be hanging on and transforming themselves through positive work there are still some that cannot handle the process. If you find yourself in fear, anger, or sadness just know that it will pass. This is necessary to move into a more positive way of viewing life. Do not forget forgiveness and never let your darker emotions overtake it. Forgive yourself and forgive others because that is one of the best ways to raise love energy. Each day, remember to pray for others who cannot and to laugh as well. Do everything possible to bring about love and not hate. If you sense someone has had a bad day offer your shoulder or quietly in your own way send them some positive energy. Just think it in your head and it shall manifest. Bless all and I hope we all will continue positive work here on planet.

Someone said that selflessness can't be without the self since it makes one feel good and anything that makes us feel good is planned by the ego. The true way to selflessness is to not care about the result. However, my rebuttal to that was for discussion sake was that even then choosing not to care or choosing not to choose means that you are once again activating your ego. To say you don't care is a lie since no creature is dumb enough to not care about the result whether it be good or bad since it has invested emotions, time, mental effort, calories, etc...into whatever. To go through the process and not reap the consequence defeats every living things purpose on this planet which is to survive and seek enjoyment in the case of humans. I think when people refer to selflessness is to answer to a higher ego that is more spiritual and one that considers kindness and compassion as being more rewarding than the suffering and misery of others. Selflessness is more beneficial than selfishness most of the time meaning it pays to be kind since man has never been a solitaire creature since the beginning. Humans band together as a primal thing to survive in this physical world and the ego stems from that evolved mentality that it pays to create bonds where one would benefit from interacting with the other. You cannot get rid of that but you can surely through selflessness think less about yourself and more about others if that is a lesson you need to learn. Some of us will need to learn to focus on being selfish because in the selfishness we learn to love ourselves and recognize who we are and some of us will need to learn to be selfless since we have focused too much on ourselves that others suffer from our actions. It is all a balancing act. I wish that others will understand that the selflessness that many masters, teachers, and loved ones are bringing up is because our world currently is imbalanced with the needs of selfish leaders who have wreaked havoc on the whole population because their selfishness has become very huge and violent. Spirituality is never the extreme because by now I hope that more have realized we need both to balance our world. You should never try to survive solely by logic or solely by emotions. When you try to do this you take away from the human wholeness. We all should learn to do the best that we can given the circumstances and how far along we are.

Many times over we find ourselves trying to answer a higher calling but as soon as we pick up momentum something or some one tries to make us stray from the path. Instead of seeing it as just hitting our heads against a hard place and using force, why don't we try basically becoming like amoebas and just taking it within ourselves absorbing that into our light body and changing into something productive. I find that when one get's closer to the source there are always opposing forces that try to make you stray though if we allow ourselves to ask for help I find those minor hiccups along the way not to be so bad. As I see it no matter the event or circumstances it is already happening to us so we can either take it badly or transform it into somethings positive. There's nothing wrong with asking help and nothing wrong if we don't maintain a space of love at all times. Most of us would like to stay in the realm of love, but I think that we can learn a thing or two in the absence of love. Also, I think that there is no shame in feeling what you are feeling either. It may be unpleasant and even shocking how our reactions may be to ourselves and those around us, but if you do not feel anger , pain, or sadness you cannot recognize how to control it. No matter how many times you fall you just have to get back in there.

Words become like loaded guns
Hands become like weapons
And the human will becomes a terrible thing
In the hands of the feeble minded
Those who out of insecurity
Out of cowardice
Preserve power and wealth
With demonstrations of malevolence
Life is treated as throw away

Each day we choose life or death
Not only for us but many others
But the beautiful reality is painted black
When after a life of decadence
All that’s left is the rootless dream
The onslaught of time
Will carry away any trace of us
Yet the struggle of living brings
Out the many ugly faces of humanity

Life is frail, hold it close
But be sure to learn to let it go
Precious is the time of being here
That a little tolerance should be displayed
There’s nothing permanent in this world
So in its fleeting beauty
Carry on with great reverence
That not a single escapes
The return to nothingness

The wise knows that they don't know

And they listen more than they speak.

The truth in its entirety would crush us

Only pieces can be shown

But still eyes will advert

Because no one can ever

Make us see what we don’t want to see

It’s all or nothing

To abandon or hold stead fast

Every day we tip toe in life

Though obese with negativity

Painfully we push forward

But let me remind you again

Keep your minds open

For many have died for truth

Do not scoff at the unexplained or the far fetched

Because reality likes to play tricks

What is untrue will become real

And what is real merely an illusion

Until you can realize we are all ignorant

We shall never truly begin to understand

The vastness and magnificence of this universe

Oh just another one of those life lessons. I can say that I am incredibly humbled now. Everywhere I go the signs are quite obvious. It's blatantly in my face. To practice being humble. I needed to know that I didn't know. It's important to be a student and to also realize that many failures will occur before one can be victorious. It doesn't matter what life circumstances with perseverance after feeling a bit of doubt, pity, and dejection, one should always rise to the occasion. Meet defeat with a positive attitude. Many times, all these negative emotions come because we placed such a high importance on winning and a intolerance for losing. To succeed at all cost and if we don't get there immediately the guilt can be overwhelming. It's important to see that losing is not the enemy rather it's the mind that holds firmly to the belief that losing serves no purpose. Trust me, I know it feels bad to lose and it feels horrible to disappoint though there's nothing that can be done when life hands you a nice slice of humbling pie. I am by no means arrogant or even boastful in my success it's just that I've turned a certain situation in my life into a life or death one when it was not. I had to sit myself down and really think about it. Was it really the end of the world? Am I being dramatic? What has this taught me and where do I need to go next? After the mental turmoil ends, you can begin to realize that there were many failures before something great was discovered and many times it was merely a mistake. As the title states, failure is just another way to success.

I knew menstruation was important to a woman's health, but I never knew that even without providing nourishment in pregnancy, the blood from our cycles may save lives. Apparently, research is being conducted in India, Japan, and America, scientists have found adult stem cells in menstrual blood. If this blood is banked perhaps it can help people. What a thing that would be for something we would dispose of on sanitary products (which are not biodegradable) would better serve our society. It's a beautiful thing indeed! Women feel empower, you can bring on new life as well as saving lives with your cycles.

Well, the spiritual, mental, and emotional aspects seems to be doing fine. The mental aspect tied to daily life though is a little strain. I mean of course I go to school and that brings stress, but I find I don't care as much. Did I become complacent along the way? I just don't care as much even though I should care a little I mean before I used to stress over getting the grade. I am not bother by a less than satisfactory grade. I guess it's not that strange considering my focus lately has been on inner work. Finding out what means what to me and how important they are. Perhaps I figured school was important, but not as important as mental health and freedom. I just don't get why half the time everyone around me is racing to get whatever done and here I am just lazily walking around smelling roses. Sometimes we want to feel or do things we can't. Sometimes a little stress pushes you to give a crap about certain things that are supposedly good for the future. Though the more I live in the present the more I just don't see the point in school. I still do what I'm suppose to though I'm not too bent out of shape by crappy grades. I don't know what to call except for semi-apathy. Is apathy one of those things you can choose half and half or you go all in? Anyways, yeah I just don't know perhaps calmness creates complacence to the point where previous stressors are thrown out almost completely.

Yeah, not as in purging the of religions that conflict with ours or isn't ours, but the detox of the earth based on us. There is much to be said by the influence humans have on this planet. If you look around you in a moment of observation, you will see that the earth is very much similar to our bodies. When our systems are under attack my toxins or other parasites, we get sick. We lose our vibrancy and probably end up not being much fun to be around. Though the earth cannot speak to us as we would another person, it definitely does speak up. On our journey to cleansing our physical body and other aspects, we begin to shed unwanted baggage. Earth is similar in that when we her cells begin to work on ourselves we are doing much to purge her of unwanted baggage. We become more responsible for our actions and this consciousness that heals rather than harms is important. The stable person knows that to continue life not just for us but future generations of animals, plants, and trees we must work at purging our environment and healing it. I can go on for days about how the earth reflects the state of human consciousness and also our physical body, but I won't. If every human being worked upon themselves and in turn project this process outwards and heal the earth, we wouldn't have so many problems. It's all about raising consciousness. Let's all become responsible and through our spiritual work and actions may we restore the Earth to its former glory.