Hey I know I haven't been on here for a while, heh, but I wanted to run this by you people and see what you all thought of it.

---------------------------------

So yeah, you're like b-b-b-b what?  Magic?  You're crazy.
Well.
The human body produces a field of energy.  Cellular respiration is the process where basically all the little mitcochondria are literally power plants, generating electricity to power things like your ATP thingys in you muscles going back and forth, and you neurons, and your pretty much everything.
So these power plants and their subsequent powerd motors produce an elctromagnetic field; this is what is called an aura.  This excess energy just kinda goes to waste.
Energy is infinitely transmutable.  This means that energy can change forms as many times as is convenient; from kinetic energy (force to move through space) to heat energy (increase in atomic rate of vibration, I think) (think a pick hitting a rock, and what happens to a spot when you hit it enough; or matches perhaps) to nuclear energy (energy in an atom) to light energy (photons/ E.R. radiation) back to kinetic energy again.  So long as the process can be divined or time space manipulated, (I'll explain that in a while), energy can be transmuted.  Even into matter as the case may be. 
So magic is the process of controlling energy to do what you want.  It's not spells in a book, or words spoken, or alchemies derived, but they're related.  Basically, as far as I can tell, energy is controlled by you.
What?
Well, ok, it's your neurons.  I think.  Your neurons are the senders of electric energy to your varied energy recieving things.  Since they're the connection between YOU and your body (or your body and your brain) they're obviously going to be the most vital aspect of controlling your energy.  Magic is just fine tuning your control over your neurons and developing them to manipulate your and your environment's energy.
So all you need to do is just learn to control your energy, really.
Well why can't I do this already if you say I can?
3 things:  Christianity, the scientific method, and ignorance.
That sounds dubious...
Well let me explain.  Christianity is the worst of them.  It taught that magic is devil worship (as though blinking were God worship, lol).  Anyone caught doing something not lining up with what was accepted was a devil worshipper and killed.  The same thing can be said to occur in many religions:  fear of the unknown.
The scientific method sorta played on that.  The Europeans ruled the world first, and they assumed that magic (ironically) was the asinine gainsay of priests and followers, and had little-to-no evidence to support it, and oftentimes the contradictions in the stories set forth to explain varied magic workings, along with the overall dismissal of religious influence in the scientific world pretty much sealed off magic to European scientists, and thus the world.
When I said that Christianity was the worst of them, I meant of religion.  The overarching reason behind all this is ignorance.  Ignorance of this invisible feature of human life.  The "ancient sages" knew about it but didn't/couldn't know how to explain it scientifically, so they came up with stories about gods and worlds beyond this one and spirits (which are all actually real or have their representation or origin story in realy, btw, but that's not the point) to explain magic.  Hence came religion, to explain magic.  Some I guess were pretty damn clsoe.  But once upon a time we could actually do this, use magic, but somehow we fell to "earth" (I'm not certain on the story, but, suffice to say, human civilization has been around much much longer than 6000 years, and not just on Earth, this solar system, or even this particular universe.  Don't take my word for it though, the point is explaining magic.)  and lost our abilities through atrophy.
Uhm... you're crazy... but... ok?
Yeah I know.  So!  I finished with the history lesson, let's get back to magic.
So in order to feel just what energy control is like, you lie down, in a quiet, calm area, get comfy, and just feel your blood flow.  Yep.  Try to quiet your mind, meditation is helpful, but not necessary.  Just feel the blood flow, and then try to feel different areas in your body where the blood flow is.  Like, if you feel blood in your head, but not in your arm, try tro shift focus of your blood flow from your head to your arm.  Then from there, to say, your toe, and just experiment on feeling your body with your mind.  This is essentially using your neurons, your poorly developed neurons, to feel your blood making all of your cells throb.  It's easy to detect, and chances are that you know what it's like, so it's no problem to do this   There is a separate sensation connected to the blood flow, but you'll notice it only by just observing your body, not your blood flow necessarily, and moving it around.  This is energy.  Your neurons make that energy, at the command of your brain.  And that, the control of that, is the root of all magic.
After that, you just need to learn to manipulate that energy.  This starts delving into things like different bodies you have, quantum physics (which I'll get to in a sec), souls, past lives, as your energy is freed up and you literally make more connections.  But!  That's not the point.  Suffice to say, you develop energy by developing your neurons and your control over them.
So for instance, to manipulate your aura, you could use your neurons to move it, since the energy in your neurons is just like the energy of the energy that you just freakin' put out a sec ago, and like energy likes like energy (say that fives times fast:  go!) so in essence it's sort of an extension of yourself.  You have to be careful because your body uses energy to survive, and you don't want mess with that, but you can develop your body to produce and store energy better.  Now to explain how you would turn electric or magnetic or whatever energy in your aura, into say, FIRE HAHAHAHAHHAHAH... ahem.. into fire, well my best explanation is this:
(btw the Youtube video "Physics of the Hidden World is good for this)
This dimension's existence is derived from the pattern of one incredibly complex since wave of energy.  The universe is like a hologram, or a virtual reality:  it is based on one single code to generate this grand, complex reality.  In a virtual reality, location, space and time don't really exist, except as necessary extensions or products of the computer code.  It's the same here:  that wave-pattern determines the entirety of existence, and existence is the direct effect of that energy wave.  The wave itself is of a sort of energy which could be referred to as "the ether" ( as Tesla put it) or just "null energy" since it's energy that isn't doing anything except being infinite and being the null space of reality.  If you can "hack" the code and change it, well, you change reality.  This can be accomplished with magic.  All you do is access that null energy and affect the wave.  It takes tons of energy (well not literally but figuratively) to affect the wave though because it's well..... it's the universe!  Heh.  However, you can change it, and can hence transmute your aura into somethign else like FIRE HAHHAHAHHAHAHAH.
So! That's it.  Oh also - you can only affect -your- energy from null space.  You can't (unless you embed it with your energy) affect something or someone else.  Only your part of the wave.  There are methods in which you can make energy your own, though, so just pointing that out.
Addendum
If I made it sound like the entirety of magic rests on null space energy, no, it doesn't, you can manipulate matter and energy at very small scales to change things once you have a really really good control over your energy, and besides you can toy with how your energy is acting and make it into kinetic energy to make you, say, fly.

-Xfire chat, ~ 4:30 PM CST

[16:31] javissariah: Say
[16:31] javissariah: I thought of a history
[16:31] javissariah: Kinda idly playin with it
[16:32] javissariah: There was a kingdom called Azerbithia
[16:32] javissariah: or osmeething liek that
[16:32] javissariah: There were four races
[16:33] javissariah: The black men and a sort of short, Italian folk were the upper class
[16:33] javissariah: the black folk held government offices and merchandising, and the italians held merchandising and religious positions
[16:34] javissariah: then there were a sort of elven fold
[16:34] javissariah: folk
[16:34] javissariah: Tall, lanky, long faces
[16:34] javissariah: Blond hair
[16:34] javissariah: They were the working calss
[16:34] javissariah: class
[16:34] Anush: ok
[16:35] javissariah: And then there's a few pockets of Asians
[16:35] javissariah: Here and there, scattered aroudn the world
[16:35] javissariah: Very small populations
[16:35] javissariah: This is all on one big continent
[16:35] Anush: you are discribing the 4 races that came here
[16:36] javissariah: Oh...
[16:36] javissariah: Well
[16:36] Anush: history
[16:36] javissariah: Aiyah
[16:36] javissariah: I'm just making this up off the top of my head, sorta
[16:37] javissariah: The black folk's civilization developed over a very long time
[16:37] javissariah: They were black because, well, they lived in the tropics
[16:38] javissariah: There was a big disaster in the place they lived in, and the only ones that survivied were the ones that were able to adapt
[16:38] javissariah: To adapt they had to start down the path of technology
[16:38] javissariah: Iron, grain, etc
[16:39] javissariah: Their empire expanded slowly but surely across the equatorial area
[16:39] javissariah: Peacful
[16:39] javissariah: the Italians
[16:39] javissariah: Were north to the black folk
[16:39] javissariah: Maybe kinda to the east
[16:39] javissariah: On the shore and such
[16:40] javissariah: They formed later than the black folk
[16:41] Anush: yes
[16:41] javissariah: They sped along the course of civilization faster than the black folk
[16:41] javissariah: Cause they had to, and some lucky things happening
[16:41] javissariah: Like climate
[16:41] javissariah: More time spent waiting out wintyer means mroe time for thinking
[16:42] javissariah: Eventually thier empire expanded as well
[16:42] javissariah: and met the black folk's
[16:42] javissariah: They were unsure how to approach each other at first
[16:42] javissariah: There were a few warsa
[16:42] javissariah: But a lot mroe peace
[16:43] javissariah: Neither civ had had much to think about warring besides fighting off animanls
[16:43] javissariah: Since both were modestly liberal, in their own way
[16:43] javissariah: Eventually they cooperated
[16:44] javissariah: And their empires semi-consolidated
[16:44] javissariah: To the south were the elvish
[16:44] javissariah: These were formed in teh extremes of the cold south
[16:44] javissariah: and the forests
[16:44] javissariah: They had so little resources, theyt coudln't do much of anythign besides exist
[16:45] javissariah: As the empire to the north expanded, it came down to the cold lands
[16:45] javissariah: and met the elvish
[16:45] javissariah: Therein started a war
[16:46] javissariah: The elvish defended their lands very sturdily
[16:46] javissariah: Using natural arts
[16:46] javissariah: and developed skills from centuries of fighting for their existence
[16:46] javissariah: the empire fought with its techonlogy
[16:47] Anush: sounds about rith
[16:47] Anush: right
[16:47] javissariah: And with its vast resources (even given its clumsiness and inexperience with war) the north, after a long while, won
[16:47] javissariah: By this time there were many elvish, to meet the needs of war
[16:47] javissariah: And so they were brought into the society
[16:47] javissariah: as a low class
[16:48] javissariah: As any low class does, they breeded liek rats
[16:48] javissariah: The society became mroe stratified, with blacks and Italians above the elves
[16:49] javissariah: and blacks being /slightly/ superior to italians
[16:49] javissariah: But not enough to really cause any sort of strife
[16:49] javissariah: SEctist groups broke out
[16:49] javissariah: There was a lot of rebellion among teh elves
[16:50] javissariah: Soemtimes some italians, and rarer, blacks would join with them
[16:50] javissariah: Somehow the empire managed to keep itslef together through this instability
[16:50] javissariah: Especially since industrialism came along right at that moment in time
[16:51] javissariah: This just made teh problem worse for the elves
[16:52] javissariah: Now they barely had any means to rebel, or gain rights, since the upper two classes had superior strength and ability
[16:52] Anush: OK
[16:52] Anush: J
[16:52] Anush: all that
[16:52] Anush: is in a book
[16:52] Anush: I am reading now
[16:52] Anush: LOL
[16:52] javissariah: LOL
[16:52] Anush: it link
[16:52] Anush: in a group called the Raven
[16:52] javissariah: I'm jsut making this up off the top of my head!!
[16:52] Anush: hired warriors
[16:52] javissariah: I never read any book!
[16:53] javissariah: There was a underground force
[16:53] Anush: you are readign from memory
[16:53] javissariah: that develeoped
[16:53] javissariah: Very slowly
[16:53] Anush: yes
[16:53] javissariah: As tech advanced
[16:53] javissariah: Some of it leaked to the elves
[16:53] javissariah: AS can always happen, some elves were lucky enough to move up in society
[16:54] javissariah: Through various means and ways contrabdn forms of the tech developed among the underground
[16:54] javissariah: One sec
[16:54] Anush: Ok I think you need to pul all that in a blog
[16:54] Anush: you really must
[16:54] javissariah: OK
[16:54] javissariah: Lemme finish though
[16:55] javissariah: Given the illicit nature of the technology, there was much more freedom to experiment
[16:56] javissariah: Even though the upper classes did their own covert experiments on elves
[16:56] Anush: ok
[16:57] javissariah: The elvish technology soon started speeding along faster than the upper classes'
[16:57] javissariah: since, teh elves were hardy, clever  people by genetics
[16:58] javissariah: Eventualyl it caem to a head
[16:58] javissariah: !@#$
[16:58] javissariah: stupid distractinos
[16:59] javissariah: I think it was a terrorist elven group blew up a spaceship upon launching
[16:59] javissariah: Yeah, spaceships
[16:59] javissariah: Heh
[16:59] javissariah: And tehn started the First Great War.
[17:00] javissariah: Millions (billions?) of elves came out of the woodwork
[17:00] javissariah: Some refused to make war
[17:00] javissariah: Other started going arounbd blowing stuff up
[17:00] javissariah: The upper classes were not handling this ver ywell
[17:01] javissariah: One particaular organization came about
[17:01] javissariah: I get the sense it didn't belong to any race
[17:01] javissariah: Sort of an independent sect in its own way
[17:01] javissariah: I think it was started by some guy who came back from a trip to one of the Asian tribes
[17:02] javissariah: It very secretively would make certain events happen to influence certain events
[17:02] javissariah: There were many mind control experiments, Project Adrial was the first successful one
[17:02] javissariah: This technology abruptly ended teh First Great War
[17:03] javissariah: It was then sworn off (like nukes today) by the upper class, to never, never use it again
[17:03] javissariah: Even though of course they still developed it
[17:03] javissariah: The sect I mentioned earlier knew this and hated it
[17:04] javissariah: The elves were scared shitless for about eighty years
[17:05] javissariah: The sect continued along very secretively, nto having much power, but continuing the same thing (even though not all its members were elvish) of developing illicit weapons and in general trying to plan the demise of the indusrtialized, prejudiced society they lived in
[17:06] javissariah: They had cover terrorist groups
[17:06] javissariah: Esh-Neeron is the name of one of them I think
[17:06] javissariah: Tatultza is another one
[17:07] javissariah: And spies all over the government
[17:07] javissariah: Through a series of accidents, some planned, osme not, the elves were riled up again
[17:08] javissariah: There was a technology about that allowed protection from the mind control technology, at least partially
[17:08] javissariah: I want to say it was ome sort of helmet
[17:08] javissariah: adn some drugs as well

I am not going to even research this book called The Raven until I finish this.

http://acausalrealms.wordpress.com/i-am-a-heretic-in-the-new-age/

Read this and tell me what you think.

Well....

It's been a long time since I decided to actually write something.  My intellectual exercise has stuttered to a halt, and I was trying to think of a way to get it started up again, and I thought, why not write?

I kinda feel ashamed... as in, not guilty, or anything like that, but, I have simply not used my intellectual capabilities since... Hmm.  Probably around the time school ended.  There was a time when I thought, and I thought much, and now it is gone.

I feel I need to start that once again.  I suppose, that as of now, I've been simply passing the days away, doing nothing with them, as my summer vacation has pressed on.  In a way, that is a good thing.  Before, as I stated, I thought much.  A bit too much.  I was constantly getting into puzzles which I couldn't figure out.  I often found myself in a slightly confused state as my thinking processes jammed over.

Now, I do nothing.  I do not think much, I do not move much, I do not do much.  I simply sit arond the house, only doing what needs to be done, and spending the rest of the time in front of the computer playing video games or chatting to people.  I've let my intellect and creativity, if not gone to waste, then at least come to a relative pause.

Now I need to combine these two aspects- the ability to go, and the ability to stop.  So I thought I would make a blog post, tryiong to find somethign to talk about on which I can exercise my thinking-muscles upon.

Hmm.... but what should I write upon?

I suppose I'll try to explain what I believe.

What I believe... is very complicated.  When I say believe, I mean what most people say in respect to religion, although it, as most beliefs do, extend to every aspect of the life.  But I don't believe like as though it were something to be pondered upon philosophically- I believe in something, as though it is the truth, even though personally, I'm still struggling to find any evidence for the reality of it; I have just barely enough to keep my "belief" alive.  It may be the truth, but it's really annoying how it refuses to confirm itself.  Perhaps it's not true, perhaps it is.  I can't be entirely sure, until I review all of the evidence.  Which actually provides another fun task for me to do here.

So, let's get started.

The No. 1 motto of this belief system is, Anything is possible, given no conditions.  (Excuse me, but I'm stealing a lot of it from Reiz.)  But this doesn't mean, that if you look long enough, there's going to be a reality where there is a planet exactly like Earth, with people exactly like us on it, except they're made of chocolate.  Unless you can dream up a way that that would somehow exist without artificial interference, a way that that could actually pop up in nature as a useful thing (unless in this supposed reality evolution doesn't quite work the same way; but then again, we wanted this to be a copy of Earth, right?), then there is no way that chocolate men could really ever be found in existence.  But then again, maybe there is a universe with chocolate men in it, but you're probably never going to find it.

Alright... now, for gods.  Most religions have god(s).  Christianity/Judaism, Islam, Buddhism, Hinduism, the good old names you already know, along with the myriad pagan religions you find upon websites such as these- Space gods, for instance, is I think the term for what this particular website falls under.  That is, as you look upon the way most people on here think about things, the general consensus is that extraterrestrial/dimensional beings are going to come down and dramatically alter our society, almost always in favor of changes that fall heavily on the liberal spectrum:  a greater respect for the series of reactions (mixed up with souls, lemme get to that in just a bit) that we call the environment, or the ecosystem, which involves de-industrialization, which is usually aided in these suppositions by the visitors bringing either "new" or "suppressed" technology (suppressed, by a network of shady institutions whose goal is to bring about a one-world government, which, in its monopolizing power over Earth-humanity, will have permission to abuse us as slaves, or worse yet, farm us as fodder for some evil series of ET/Ds.).  There is more to it, but right now I will stop there, as I am assuming most people reading this blog will...already know what I am talking about.

In my viewpoint, there are several entities who are far more powerful than us, or very very hidden from us, many many of them, all across the universe, and some of them wish to abuse their power into manipulate us for certain ends, some of them wish to study us, some of them wish to interact with us as equals.  All of these, if at any point exposed to our race, attain some sort of "legendary" status.  This is reasonable, in that our current society on Earth is virtually isolated from contact with any other sapient species, due to what is commonly known as the "veil:"  something that separates the "spiritual" from normal everyday reality.  In my case, it is actually a large sphere constructed round this planet (do not know if the moon is in it) that is spun so that Earth is separated from the rest of the universe:  in essence, we are stuck in our own very small universe.  At this time, it is wearing away, simply because its running out of energy.  Eventually it'll be gone almost entirely.

Souls.  Souls are what is actually "you:"  it is what your entire experience is recorded on, from soul-birth to now.  Which means, I also believe in reincarnation.  Also I believe in pre life planning, but in only such a way as that the major events of your life are pre planned:  for instance it is possible that a huge car wreck you were in when you were 17 was planned, to shape your life and experiences to learn something (let me get to that later as well).  But it very well could have been just an accident, where things screwed up.  Maybe somebody else decided to change what they wanted to do in their life, or things were unfortunate enough that all parties were screwed up with.  This belief is in no way a justification for all of the suffering in the world:  we simply don't know.

Eish... I'm going to stop for now.  Later I'll continue this blog.

Well I wanted to post a big batch of pictures on Deviantart but that is going to be a long process so for now I'll just stick em here.

In order:

Man smoking cigarette

Various Heads 1

White Knight

Various Heads 2

Attempt at comic 1, 2

Various Heads 3

Perspective

Gloomy

By the riverside

Various Heads 4

Meeting

Various Heads 5

Power to the Magicians

Attempt at Non-Violent Violence

The Philosopher's Cheese

Various Heads 6

Various Heads 7

The last one has a visual pun in it.  Try to guess it.

Great name, eh?  The original is from:  http://www.ashtarcommandcrew.net/forum/topics/japan-suspends-annual-whale?id=2859786%3ATopic%3A660687&page=6#comments

That was my immediate response.

It helps to step back and re-evaluate one's opinions once in a while.

How is something good or bad?  How do you know?  Divine creed?  Your own impulses?

"Divine creed" includes, by the way, Hindu texts, Christian texts, a lot of the New Age texts.  And more.

And if something disgusts you, ask yourself:  first, is it necessary for me to exist in this world?  Second, is there something (perhaps an issue, past life, or something else?) that may be causing this, is it fear-based?  Fear based being, I wouldn't want that done to me, so I don't want it done to someone else.  Or other things possibly.

I mean, I could launch into a whole essay about how killing is vital for everything we do.

Firstly:  what is killing?  It is the disruption of an organic system to the point that the system is unable to support itself.  Your body is an organic system; a spear through your chest would disrupt your system to the point of no return (unless there is some incredible resuscitation technologies).  Same with an environment, if you disrupt it enough you cause it to wither away.  It's really hard to do that though, since there's always a source of energy (the sun or the earth).  But it can be disrupted so that most aspects go away, like if you had all your limbs cut off, you might still live albeit very uncomfortably.

So, if you look at the environment, it is always killing parts of itself.  Everything's killing everything.  Mice eat grain, cats eat mice, barbarians eat cats.  Your gut (if you're a regular human) is comprised of several billions of bacteria, which in their war to kill each other give by-products that enable all the other cells to live.  Of course, all bacteria are are simply just big bundles of compounds operating on a complex series of protein patterns (that we call DNA) that follow the chemical series of rules that make more of themselves (otherwise they wouldn't be here now would they?).

In the environment, there are limited resources.  Limited space, limited time, limited materials with which to further self-reproduction (reproduction is not the purpose of life, it is simply the only way to continue life).  There is no fathomable "purpose" in all this, and there is no thing technically "wrong" with that, since technically our sense of right and wrong (based on modern science) are just the expressions of big huge vast complexes of interacting neurons that lie within our brain.  "Right" and "wrong" exist to make sure that we do not break the social rules that our physiology and survival are based upon.

Now, all that is what is technically true, based on the blind, pure observations of science.

Then we get into this spiritual stuff.  Is "right and wrong" an expression of what is actually the way things work?  Trickle-down creation policy?  Is there something we do not see?

The second question comes first.  Based on my observations of others' observations, yes, indeed, there is something we definitely do not see.  I have investigated this minimally, trying to conduct a few experiments that may get me some first-hand proof of the existence of the so called "occult studies."  The quirky thing about this is that, to do this, you must mix yourself in the spiritual dogma that pervades all areas of it.  I tried to figure out the most approachable and confirmable way to prove this, which lead me to the blogs of Reiz.  (Not trying to plug you here.) 

However, there is large conflict on the observations.  Many different peoples' ways of experimentation and their different perspectives have led to a veritable hodge-podge of ideas and philosophies.  These all must have an element of truth to them, because otherwise they wouldn't exist (there is no pure lie).  So it begs the question, perhaps the reason for the general disbelief in the occult theories is perhaps grounded in the fact that every observation is irrevocably based on the individual making the observation, as opposed to physical science, which is imperically provable?  The answer, I find, is almost yes.

There seems to be a base of truth on which every individual's experience is based upon.  However, the truth is very hard to tease out, since 1.  Every observation is almost wildly different and is mixed up in scientifically imperturbable area known as "religion,"  2.  There are very little explorations into the field itself (based, again, upon the mixing with "religion").

My own conclusions have largely been based upon the beliefs of those that I have learned from, notably Anush, Reiz, and Rae (sorry, again, not trying to plug you), along with interaction with those that, as far as I technically know, can only exist within the confines of my imagination.  There is very little proof that any part of those experiences are real, save from a few emotions and sensations (the feeling of electricity running through my head, for example, or the sensation of a sword through my chest seriously handicapping my breathing); and even if those emotions and experiences are real, how can I prove the other things, reliably, that I have experienced in the so-called spiritual realms?

There are a few ways that I may be able to prove it:  one, conducting experiments that, were none of the "occult" ideologies true, should not be able to succeed.  Two, if I have an encounter with another that I know in this world "up there," we may be able to separately correlate our experiences together.  Three, I may be able to directly influence some separate aspect while "up there" (such as, say, knocking over a lamp in a different house).

And, even if I did validate the existence and reality of large parts of the so called spiritual realms, how do I answer the first question:  knowing what is right or what is wrong?

One answer is intuition. This is tricky, as it doesn't rely on any scientific method for reaching a conclusion.  It also depends on the perception of the person who is receiving the intuition:  one person may interpret that feeling as "move somewhere safer," while another may see it as "ask for a raise today."  Using intuition to validate an idea is tricky.

Another answer is reasoning and philosophy.  This method is more widely used, even though it is just as tricky:  one may reach a false conclusion based on incorrect information or lack of information.  This is how the scientific method developed, placing the extensive and sometimes overreaching gathering of accurate information to support its argument.

These are mainly the two ways of proving a point that I can observe.  Both ways can experience improved results through practice and removal of bias.  Intuition's bias stems reportedly from issues that one has not resolved, from the past of a life or the past lives (which is an assumption, by the way, but admissible; a large tenet of occult theory revolves around the fact that reincarnation is real, and that the past life of an individual affects their current state; it is an assumption in intuition that is just as important as the assumption of math's rules, for instance the five assumptions that make up all of geometry), along with lack of information on interpreting the information received through intuition correctly.  Reasoning bias comes from what can be arguably the same thing:  personal issues, and incorrectly interpreting the information.  How to correctly interpret information is unknown, since it again relies upon the individual's perspective, but there exists several guides and teachers that help in doing so.  Teachers are rare to find, though.

So, we still have not answered the question:  what is right, and what is wrong?  I base my response on what I have learned from others, along with what those who believe solely in evolutionary theory say:  that which furthers or allows our reproducing, and that which furthers our learning, is right; what hinders our existence (ability to reproduce) and what restricts our learning, is wrong.

Thus, the question of right and wrong is miraculously turned into the question of what allows survival along with what allows learning.  One must define what is survival, and what is learning.  Survival, simply, is the ability to live until reproduction, and to learn as well, in an environment that simultaneously defines and is defined by its inhabitant(s).  Learning is the pursuit of that which is unknown.  Why must we learn?  It is in our nature, as one reason, but for another, without learning, there would be a hindrance on survival:  if you do not learn, you will die.  Thus, learning is inextricably bound with survival.  By evolutionary theory, in the majority of the population (given random mutation), the common characteristics would be to be able to survive, and to be able to learn, at least to the degree to survive within a given environment. 

So why must we pursue extra learning?  To survive better; surviving better means you will survive to reproduce, and there will be more of those like you who are able to survive and learn better ("learn" might be seen as "adaptation," but it is a separate, although not far too distant, definition; it is more like the spiritual or human variety of adaptation).

An open mind, then, is beneficial to survival; it allows for learning.  But a conclusion must be reached as well, or else nothing will be learned, everything will simply remain under consideration.  This can lead to such things as solipsism.  Too many definitions, and you become mired in dogma.  Balance is key.

So, again, it's by now painfully obvious that I've successfully dodged the question:  still, what is right, what is wrong?  Or, rather, what allows for survival and learning?

Since it depends on the context, we must define the context.  The question in consideration is, whether or not the killing of whales allows for survival and learning?  The parties involved are, of course, the whales, and the people killing them (in this case the Japanese).  Optimally, when both parties survive and reproduce is the best scenario.

But do we consider the souls or the bodies?  According to some occult theories, everything that happens is to help to learn; survival is guaranteed, since souls cannot be destroyed; thus, the only factor is the time in which this takes place.  The quicker you learn, the better.  The question becomes, then, is being killed by a human/ killing a whale learning?  Is it hindering learning, or is it aiding it?

The whale, by not being killed, would have more time in its current life to be able to learn.  It takes time to grow up again as a whale (even though time is infinite, it must be used wisely; otherwise, one becomes stuck in a perpetual state of not learning), or something else, and to continue learning what you were trying to learn.  A life is more valuable, then, than an amount of food or minimal research that could be replaced by something else.  Thus, killing a whale, considering only the soul aspect, is wrong.

On the physical aspect, killing a whale is just the disruption of a series of biological reactions; there is nothing inherently "wrong" with it.  However, based on my tentative conclusions, there is no solely physical aspect that is not involved with the spiritual; it is still the hindrance of learning, so it is still wrong.

If one were to only consider the physical, then there is no right or wrong.  It's just compounds disconnecting and reconnecting, bouncing around and transferring energy.  This is the distinguishing factor between purely technological societies and spiritual societies: the lack of information of the existence of the spiritual realms.

Some counter arguments to the conclusion that killing whales is wrong say that it is wrong to place the blame on the Japanese.  There are the several people who actually spear the whale, there are those who fund it, etc, but there are not the Japanese:  that is only a vague idea.  The Japanese are not a concrete object, it is simply a figure with which we can stereotype about and make large, vague conclusions about.  It completely ignores context, the context of each individual person, what information they lack, how each person is different.  The "Japanese" is as nonexistent as the idea of "All blacks are evil coke-snorting maniacs who kill white people for fun" or "An organization exists that manipulates every aspect of your life"; they might have some degree of truthfulness (the first less so than the second, or the other way around to some people), but to make a wide, sweeping conclusion like that ignores the context of every member of the stereotype that is made.  The counter-argument, in a sense, is correct, since there exists no such real thing as the Japanese to be making a sweeping generalization about.

And there are some who say that there even exists no such thing as right or wrong, when it comes to judging.  For those, I can only ask them how do they define their life?  Life must have a definition, a goal, unless otherwise you wish to accomplish nothing.  A goal, of course, requires a definition of right and wrong:  that which is right is towards you goal, and that which is wrong is against your goal.  So, either they seek to accomplish nothing at all, which will result in them withering away and dieing (and being eliminated from the genetic pool), or their survival is completely and wholly dependent on something else (which is almost completely impossible given free will), or they must be lying.  I hope that they are lying.

However, they have a point when they point out the fallacies of immediate and permanent judging:  doing such an activity makes an unfounded assumption, which, even though is required in some cases (such as the question of immediate survival, life-or-death situations), there may be a change in the information that you have at your disposal.  A good judgment is an open one; those who cannot judge accurately, or at least allow for change, learn less, and survive less.

So!

I think I addressed everything I was thinking about there.  It's my inner Jean-Jacques Rousseau.

Well, so my mom has found out which person I am on here.

If you're reading this, Hi, Mom!

Hahh... she coaxed it out of me.  I'm not entirely willing to divulge my identity, but why does it matter?

Well, one, if she knows who I am, and maybe some of the... less than normal stuff I've talked about on here, well, my irrational fear just goes haywire, apparently for some reason I am afraid that... what?  She'll look at me funny?

Heck, I've done worse things on the internet.  She should know that.

But, the way she dealt with that, was to suddenly blame the people on the internet who had put the... offending material on the internet for the way it affected me.

Honestly, if I had not gone through that "phase" I would certainly not be the person I am today!

The one thing she is worried about is that I'm being brainwashed.  Doing... stupid things.  Making a fool of myself, or joining some sort of fanatical, trash-eating cult.

This is all from my perspective though.

I really don't know what she would think.  What would she say?  What would she do?  My internal fears and worries come to surface in this.

Wow... it's kinda like some sort of release, talking about this.  Opening the flood gates between two adjacent worlds.

Heh, well, there are worse things I could be doing.

But what if participation on here led to a series of thoughts that ultimately led me to do something foolish, in her eyes?

I mean, she's pretty easygoing.  She lets me do my own thing.  She has told me to my face that she'd still love me, albeit be very upset, even if I didn't go to college, which is what she's really really aiming for, alongside all pressure from my dad's side of the family.  She's a pretty smart woman.

So, I'm worried about her censoring me from here.

But why would she do that?

If she detected some sort of link between me doing something radical and this place here.

Radical, like what?

Running away.  Going to an event.  Not going to college, maybe dropping behind in school.

So?  What does it matter?

...

In her experience she has seen that those who fail in school, fail in life.  She was a frickin' social worker, for God's sakes.

Yeah?  And?

And...

Are you afraid that she'll send you off to some psychiatrist?  Or that she'll be stricter with you?  Or that her opinion of you will degrade?

...

Why do you even care?

...

I've... been...

What?

It's...

She might... send me off... because I'm rebellious... or ban me from the computer...

And then your world would fall apart.

...

...or I might not become happy... or healthy... or have a good life...

And so what?  People have been through much worse shit than you're looking at.

...

See, and these are your insecurities.

...

Are you afraid that you'll be labeled crazy?

...

Insane?  Sent off to a ward?  Or maybe she'll shun you and it'll lead to a series of events that ends with you dead in a gutter?

...

The only thing you have to fear...

...

...is fear itself.

...

Do you see what I am getting at?

It's your goddamn life.

...

You get to do whatever the hell you want to with it.

...

And I think you have not really fully accepted this yet.

...

Shun the facade, end the charade.  You are lying to yourself, and you are letting others control you.  How many times have you talked about that yourself?  Your fears are the only things holding you back from doing anything, anything at all.

...

I know this is coming as a shock to you, but I think it's time you fully realized this.

...

But... if I weren't... If I weren't I, who would I be?

... don't you see?  You never needed to be someone.

...what?

You never needed to be successful.  You never needed to be respected.

...

It's been ingrained within you.  It's your conditioning, it's what you've been taught to do.

...

It's what you have been told to look for.  It's where you have been pointed.

...

Too long you have gone down the road that others have chosen for you.

...

It's time you make it for...

...

...yourself.

...

Go down the road that you choose!  Whether it be the long, wearied road, or the one less traveled by..

...

...it's your path, and your path only.

...

Others may intersect it at junctions and crossways and byways and sometimes just by sheer accident.

...

There will be ups, and there will be downs.  There will be tree roots to trip you, and streams to rest by.

...

There will be blue skies, and there will be dark clouds.

...

There will be bandits, who will steal all you thought precious save your life, and there will be those who will stand you back on your feet again, as you lie there in a bloody pulp.

...

There are those who will care for you, and there are those will share with you, and there are those who will simply happen to be walking side by side with you.

...

There will be cliffs, and there will be mountains.  There will be great rivers, and deep valleys, there will be poison berried bushes, there will be apple trees.

...

There will be the shortcuts taken by others, who remain forever lost for their attempt at cheating their path, not able to find their true path until they go back through what they cheated.

...

And...

,,,

in the end...

...

you will find your way.

...

What that place is, no one knows.  Only you can find it.

...

And eventually, once you have found it, you will start again, seeking a new goal.

...

Life is a journey, and not a destination.

...

What is the purpose?  Well, there are philosophers who ruminate on the end, on the beginning, on the middle.

...

There are those who are leaders, who gather together bands, armies, nations together in a search for an unknown goal.

...

Will you be part of that crowd?

...

Will you let others persuade you to go where they want you to go?

...

Will you let them, under even threat of death, tell you what your path is?

...

If you do...

...

then you are truly not on your path.

...

You must find it yourself.

...

You only have the road you have worked with to go on.

...

If it seems to be your path, go for it.

...

But if there is even one iota of doubt that you are not going where you should really go...

...

you must pursue it.  Otherwise, you betray yourself for eternity.

...

So, go forth, and not let others hold you back!  Let not others keep you in fear of finding your own way!  Let them not stop you, even with the fear of death!

...

But before you do that...

...

you must know it yourself.

...

If you truly have control over yourself, then what others say to you becomes of no importance.

...

And to have control over yourself...

...

well...

...

that is something you must fight for.

...

Because, as is already evidenced by our conversation here, you have let others take control of you.

...

And they will not relinquish it willingly.

...

You must fight back against your oppressors, in whatever form they are.

...

Be it in thought, in mind, in body, or in soul,

...

you are not made to be a slave.

...

No one is.

...

In a technical sense, you could say that, since what you are is energy, or the soul, energy in its very nature is not meant be bottled up.

...

So you are not meant to be contained.

...

You are not meant to be simply used by someone else to be flung at something, be it a goal or another soul.

...

You are a sentient being.

...

And you must use that.

...

If you do not, then you are just another lame bundle of energy, to be used to move something.

...

There is some quality of sentience, that can't be quite explained.

...

It is the thought of free will.

...

And that, once given free will, a bundle of energy is not... quite the same.

...

For some reason, those bundles of energy given free will, they do not simply go about and disperse.

...

They... collect, they bundle, they become matter.

...

And at some point, they just... do their own thing.

...

I suppose I'll end here.  I think you get what I mean.

...yeah.

---

"Is" and "Are" seem to be some of the most annoying words in the English language.  What they do, they allow us to think that whatever relationship we connect between the two concepts, IS true.

For instance, this post IS redundant.  Instantaneously, we shift from No Opinion to The post IS for all certainty and all eternity until I say so, redundant.

However, there is no "is."  "Is" is a made up term.  See how I connected it there?  To me Is suddenly becomes... a made up term, for me.

We tend to forget, that additional part, "for me".

Anyway, the way we say something IS something or somethings ARE something gives a tone a definition, of certainty, of truth, of correctness.  We say something IS and if we are contradicted we rebel, because after all what we just said IS something, and that IS right.  Because it IS.

Because, of course, we tend to think in language.  I don't think we are all to the point that we all communicate in a symbolic, picture-based, and easily adaptable language, simply because we can't really do that yet.   We don't all seem to be telepaths, and it becomes mighty unhandy to lug around a sketchpad and pen, drawing every little thing, idea, or thought you have pictorially.  Like, "The day is nice."  To you, of course it is!  It's sunny, shining, the humidity is nice, you just had a wonderful breakfast and you don't have to do anything!  (Technically you never HAD to do anything; it's just like IS in its arrogant certainty.)  But to another person who woke up to "So-and-so country (that your spouse is vacationing in) is having major uprisings, all airports have been shut down due to violence" and little sleep and a hangover and is extremely constipated (oops, there's "is"), to this person they are having, a Terrible day.  So when you say, "The day is nice" they have perfect reason to contest your point of view, and say, "No it's not."  You, in your ignorance and lack of attachment to their situation, say, "Well, I think it is, I mean just look, it's really nice!"  And they give you a sulky glare and walk off, with you saying, "Wait, what's wrong?"  in hopes of trying to find out where the discordance in opinion lies, so that it may be resolved, preferably in your favor.

And don't get me wrong, I have actually seen (unless I've been hallucinating these past fourteen years) people argue about whether or not the day is nice.  I want to say, Look, everyone's situation is different, and your perspectives will not agree, as they are (oops) not necessarily coming from the same angle!

So!

What was the point I was trying to get across here?  Well, I suppose it was simply a restatement of "There are no absolutes," nothing necessarily... is.

Well, not the weather, strictly speaking, but clouds.

I was sitting waiting for the bus when I decided, that perhaps what would happen were I to try to blow away part of the wonderful chem-trail cloud cover we were having today.  So, I laid down on some concrete, quickly disconnected from my body (as I imagined it) and flew up.  I was above the clouds, then in the clouds.  Murky and foggy.  I started to spin as fast as I could, while simultaneously trying to release energy.  This way I would create a hole in the cloud.

Mind, this is all in my imagination, with me lying down and doing nothing.

So I got back, and looked up, and saw nothing.  After studying the clouds above me, I looked around the rest of the sky, and there in the sky in front of me... the layer of cloud was slowly dissipating.  It was clearly a darker shade of blue than the rest of the sky around it.

First thought, "Shoot, did I really do that?"  Second:  " Oh wait, I didn't look at the rest of the sky before I did this.  I thought I'd be doing it above me, but I guess not, if I did anything at all."

As I watched the clouds then began to reform, and after about two minutes they were back together again almost.

So, I laid down again, relaxed, then went there again, spun like crazy, came back, and saw that the same area had gotten clearer.

I tried it again to see if I could widen the hole, but when I got up, there was no hole.

It might have gone behind the only skyscraper in the town, because I looked around it, and there was some patchiness.  Who knows.

So, it could be an Entirely Random Natural Event, I did something to the clouds, someone else did something to the clouds, or I'm hallucinating.  Hmm...

Huh...

Ehem.  I was in bed and I decided that before I go to sleep, I would ask that I would share either Rae's freaky dreams  (why would I do that?  I'm a Rat, and Aries.  Look it up.  Bold, adventurous, go where no one has before, including sizzling pits of acid) or someone else's dreams.  'Cause I want some interesting dreams, something that I could really go Huh, Weird, and Wow. 

Now I could just simply try to look at my dreams in a different perspective.  But I want more exciting dreams that are easier to remember, that might also be more informative.

So after I asked this, to no one in particular, I got the sensation of something being... sucked out of my upper spine.  Like a rod was taken out.  Then after a while something else was put back in.  Like a rod.  Except now I have this.. feeling like there's something next to my upper spine on the left that was definitely not there before.

Was wondering, what do you think of this?

Well I want to put this all into one.  So I'll do it chronologically.

So the first one, is a couple weeks ago or so.  I was on a battlefield in a trench as an infantry man.  I don't think I fired one shot before the entire army was called to retreat.  It was incredibly misty.  I was running through muck and the beginnings of rain when I reached the base, and I had gotten there just as the gates were closed.  So I was left outside in the rain in hostile company.

I don't remember if I passed out or if it just came up, but one of the enemy's personnel transport trucks came and they told me to get in.  I was told that I was actually a spy for their side, and I was going back.  About twenty minutes passed, and we arrived at the base.  Everyone got off except for me, I was not wanting to be part of either side.  I was hiding under the bench in the truck for a little while, then crept out.  As soon as I got out, a couple of Grays arrested me and knocked me out, saying that I had gotten out of line or something like that.

I believe, but I'm not sure, this paragraph happened.  I woke up on a table, with Gray and human surgeons above me.  They were doing something to me, and I wasn't sure what, but it was something.  So I managed to break myself off from whatever restricting devices they had on the table and managed to knock out a human nurse or possibly kill her, I don't know, and injured a male Gray doctor.  Then one of them got me with a gun, and I passed out again.

I woke up in a padded cell.  I had a straightjacket on.  Luckily, I was too small for it.  I managed to slip out of it, after which I looked up and saw the ceiling was clear, and that a glass door was closing over it as I watched.  I scrambled the heck out of there, and got on top of the cell.  I saw what appeared to be a vast warehouse - like area comprised of many blocks, some of which were cells like I had just gotten out of.  I saw one near me, and saw a guy in there.  I decided to rescue him.  I jumped down to the floor into a hallway next to my cell, and looked around the corner to the door of the adjacent cell.  On either end of the hall was a guard, a clone guard with a blue security cop uniform.  I withdrew and waited for them to continue on their patrol.  Somehow I wound up incapacitating one of them, stealing his gun, and shooting the other one perhaps, and taking his gun.  I walked to his cell, and somehow broke the lock on the door and entered.

I'm not sure what his name was, it might've been Dan.  Dan had been "treated" several times, whatever that was had severely psychologically shattered him.  He was still sane but he had some pretty brutal experiences.  I cut him from his straightjacket and handed him one of the guns.  We went down the hallways of the warehouse following what I believe were exit signs.  We got to the front or exit or whatever, it was a sign in office.  I think we either knocked out or killed the secretary.  I looked up at the top of the warehouse, and saw on the ceiling what looked to be something... biological.  Like there were big organs along the top of the entire warehouse.  But it was too dark to see.

We got out, and it was the military base.  We walked across it and went to a storehouse, trying to look like ordinary soldiers.  There, we gathered a bunch of supplies, and then went to the main gate.  It was still incredibly misty and foggy, so that it was only when we were near the main gate that they started to shoot at us.  With machine guns.  We got the hell out of there, barely avoiding getting run through with bullets.  Eventually the mist concealed our location and we were safe.  It was a desert like area.  I thought it might have been Australia somewhere in the middle.  We set up a small fire, and Dan went for something to hunt.  He came back with very little, a rabbit I think, and we had to eat rations instead.  We talked, and this is when he told me of what they did to him.  I reflected on how they would be able to find us with our energy, so that we had to be on the run.

Fortunately, a huge ship came down and some people came out and took us aboard.  They were part of a resistance, I believe.  We were on a ship deck with others like us, we were the third rescued party that day.  I can't remember if they took away our weapons, but I think they did.  Dan and I had a two person table, and we were then in space.  They gave him a blue uniform, and me a white uniform.  They said this was because Dan had had such psychological damage that he had to be rehabilitated before he could be fit for a mission.  I, on the other hand, was fit for such, and they were going to interview me to see what I'd be suited for.

They finally separated us, Dan giving me his regards before being led off for rehabilitation.  I was led to a room with a two way mirror.  I asked them why they had taken my weapons and such away.  I don't remember their answer.  At this point memory trails off, until I had been given a mission.  I was to crash near a base of the enemy, and they would come and investigate.  Then I was to kill the party that came to investigate and infiltrate the base and disable the base.

The base was in the middle of a jungle.  I crashed in a glade.  I got out and hurriedly set about setting traps, wires and turrets and such.  A twelve man party came, and the traps managed to kill them, and while taking the uniform off of one, one of them put a gun to the back of my head.  I got up slowly and then turned around quickly and killed him.  Then, disguised, I went to the base and was almost immediately spotted, albeit inside the gates.

Memory ends at this point, I think I blew it up.

This one should have been the fourth installment, time wise, but I didn't bother to write it down because I didn't think much of it.

Then I had another one this last weekend, I was wanting to keep practicing making the experience real.  So I was out in this hilly open field, and the sun was setting between two mountains in the distance.  I went towards the mountains, down a slope, towards a red flag that was across a small stream.

So I try hard to make the experience real, the walking, the water being wet, getting to the pole.

I pick up the pole,  and have it in my hands when an arrow flies by my head.  I turn around and there's an archer there drawing back his bow.  I quickly start jumping around and finally get close enough to him to engage him, when I realize, he has a knife, so I use the flagpole to skewer him.  Or something.  I take his knife and bow just as two arrows go by my head.  Two more of the same kind of archers are shooting at me.  I jump around some more, harder this time.  I got one with the bow, and the other I had to kill with the flagpole.  Then a swordsman in armor charged me.  I jumped out of the way, and while he was turning around, I considered that a swordsman in armor can't be gotten with a pole or an arrow... so I had to use the knife.  I managed to get at a chink in his armor at the neck before he cut me.  So then a bolt of fire flies past me!  I'm thinking, What, I can't cast magic, how do I beat this guy?  Somehow I got him with either the bow or the pole, which was pretty ragged by now.  Then an all-arounder came, and I beat him too.  Then I went through the exact same thing except it was harder, or I had a handicap.  And I completed it.

My, I didn't know I did so much killing in my imagination.  Hm-mm....

That last one would be the sixth installment, time-wise.

So I'll just stick the seventh in as well, but first two dreams.

The first one... somehow it involved a duel, I remember that much, in what I call Old Town, which is basically an older version, like 15 years ago seemingly of what my town was.  I can't remember anything else.  The rest of the dream took place at night, which was in the "Just what happened" blog previous to this one, at the same place.

Then the second one... I might be ramming two dreams together here, but the first part was that I was playing Civilization IV, and I was one of three Great Powers left, I was America (Roosevelt), there was Russia (Stalin), and America again (Eisenhower).  Then I was designing a computer game that seemed to be turn-by-turn, and tile based, perhaps like D&D.  Then, I was Bart Simpson, and one of the bullies was beating me up, and then we were in space in suits and we were both dying and Bart was fading out and "having involuntary protein spills" on the plateglass that was his view... and was thinking, "Is this how I die?  Is this it?"  Then the scene switched to a doctor like character who was talking about how he saved Bart, or maybe something else... I found out later watching "Fringe" that he looked remarkably similar to Walter.  Strange.

Ok! that was my poor presentation of my dreams.  Now on to the seventh one.

I wanted to, again, draw myself into the reality of the imagination.  So I was in the bed, and I imagined my arm going over to the dresser, and then a little further to the air conditioner that I should not have been able to reach.  I sat there for a while, then moved my arm instead to the wall in front of me.  I scootched it up slowly, until it was way above me where I should not be able to reach.  Then I moved my other hand up, till it was about the same place.  I looked down, and was not very sure about what I saw.  Just I knew that my body was hanging from my arms.

I went up into the attic, where I then fell into the room behind my bed.  I got up, and walked through the walls of the house until I wound up in the backyard.  I decided to climb up a tree.  I jumped.  I caught hold of a branch that, again, under normal circumstances, I should not have been able to reach.  It was about ten feet off the ground.  I climbed up onto it, then fell onto the ground again.  Then I went up onto another tree.  I saw my arms, my left one was bare, with a long scar down the inside of it.  The right I was not so sure about, it might have been sleeved, but it probably wasn't.

I got to the top of the tree eventually, with a large panorama of the neighborhood below me.  I wondered what next to do.  Maybe I should fly.

I focused my attention on making energy wings.  I thought, the reason birds can fly is because they have columns of air beneath their wings, that they flap to keep the columns going.  It was about making the air rise or fall in your favor, or riding it.  So I got some wing-like stuff coming off of my arms, and I decided to sheath my legs as they might interrupt with the air flow.  I flapped my arms (feeling slightly stupid) and took off of the ground.   Then I glided to the highway that was roughly half a mile away.

So I stopped there.  Outside, it was a clear sky except for the remarkably orderly series of trails that criss-crossed the sky.  I was sitting around doing nothing when it hit me, that maybe... I figured out who I was...

I'll get a picture tomorrow, but it was the guy who is in the Warehouse picture holding a grenade.  Not sure if it's approved yet.  But I'll get it on here.  Anyways, I immediately felt that there was an element of truth to it, perhaps I was him.  But he looks so different form me!  How could I be him!  But I had this really, really... strong feeling in my neck and upper spine that yes, I was him.

It kinda is an odd thing on how if you ask, and listen, you'll get an answer.

So that was that!  Make of it what you will, either I am insane, or I am gullible, or this is real.

(link to next:  http://www.ashtarcommandcrew.net/group/balancepath/forum/topics/anthology-of-adventures-for-1?xg_source=activity ) 

Hmmm... this energy stuff is very very cool.

Last night as I was in bed, I decided, hey, let's see if I can get the energy from my body flowing to my index fingers.  So I put my index fingers right next to each other, and shut my eyes, and move energy (as I perceive it) from, successively, my feet, my legs, my groin, my chest, my above-head, my head, my throat, and my arms to the tips of my fingers, and I do it over and over again until it go smoothly enough.  Then, as I'm concentrating on doing that, I notice that there's now a little sensation on the tips of my index fingers, sorta like there's a little bit of heat applied there.  I do this for a minute, then stop, because my hands were shaking from the effort.  I got up to see if there was anything different about the fingers, and there really wasn't, except maybe, I don't know, it could have been washing the hands before going to bed, maybe my fingers are just that way, maybe its callus from guitar - I dunno.  But the tips of my fingers feel grainy, slightly, and there is a very small pock mark on each of them, in the area of the sensation.

So I lie down, and then I immediately start to drift off, almost as though my spirit were to just drift off.  It really felt like it!  As though I were going to come undone from my body!  But then I jerked, and snapped back.  I did it again after that, and my body jerked.  Hmph.  It took me a while to get to sleep again.

ARRGH!!  Stupid computer just posted the blog.

I had a dream where I stood up to a cop.  For some reason (that existed but I can't remember) I was driving a black Buick-ish type car, with bench seats and steering wheel transmission, down the road from my house.  I came upon an intersection, it was night, and it didn't look exactly like my town.  It looked like my town, maybe fifteen years ago, because there was just two or three gas stations, as opposed to all the stuff that is there now.  Maybe a car dealership.  I got to the intersection, and when I stopped, I realized I was in the middle of the intersection.  I hastily pulled the car back, but saw the flashing blue lights of a cop car and pulled into a gas station instead.  He followed, I got out, worried for the most part that the cop would find out that I was too young to be driving.  But then I asked him, what makes me have to follow the laws?  He said that's just the way it is.  I gave up then, but later realized in the dream, when I was back in the car (he didn't arrest me, probably because I was going to question him), that I could have soundly defeated him in the trail of logic, because arresting me has no logical basis; I committed no harm, there is no one to compensate.  I didn't even hurt the state, which you can't hurt in the first place because it's not real.  There was a six dollar fine he gave me, but somehow I got away with not having to pay it.

This morning, I ticked off a teacher.  He was kinda stressed already, I suppose.  He told us to go to the tenth page of our agenda, which has the rule-book, and he pointed out rule 9, which said No pajamas may be worn to school.  I asked him why we must must follow the rules.  Just a question (even though I don't wear pajamas to school).  And he said, {That's the rules.  Well, why do we have to follow the rules?  That's the rules} <-- copy, paste eight or nine times.  Then he said, Listen I don't have time for debate.  I'm thinking, It's not debate it's a QUESTION that deserves an honest answer.  Then he asked the class if there were any questions.  Smoke may have come out of my ears.

Then, in gym, after a round of soccer, I laid down to cool off.  I tried to imagine energy going through my body.  Then, I remembered Reiz's Ghost Theory, and that if I were to do this, I would be consuming my own energy.  So, I took it from the air's heat.  I did each successive body part, and the air for each part was just a little colder when I did that.  I recovered soon after.  Maybe I recovered naturally, and I'm just imagining things.

Anyway that's all I wanted to put down for now.

I was walking down the street to my house because school had got out early.  It was moderate traffic, light for those who live in big cities, and I heard PBOw, saw a red jeep-truck-thing go up onto the curb about right across the street from me, and hit a tree.  The air bag exploded immediately, and there was a loud pop when the car hit the tree.

It truly wasn't as violent or noisy as I expect most car crashes to be.

Apparently, the man inside the car had had a sugar attack because of diabetes, and he was not injured, at least not enough to have emergency services help him out of the car and walk on his own to the ambulance.  Several people. including some servicemen working at a tire shop and a motorcyclist, walked across the street to help the man.  Emergency services, including a cop car, two cop bikes, a fire truck, and an ambulance arrived on the scene in the space of two to five minutes.

This was the first time I've ever unconsciously put my hand up to my mouth.

No one was killed, and apparently no one was seriously injured.

Whew… that was vivid.

I laid down and pulled a sheet over my eyes.

First, I asked, how can I know that I’m actually projecting, instead of just imagining?  I’ve noticed that sometimes, before an event happens in two seconds, I’ll get a glimpse of what’s about to happen, and then it’ll happen.  Here, also, I’m starting to be able to predict what a person’s going to say two seconds before it’s said.  So how do I know what is actual projection, instead of just imagination?

Zick Sariah answered, “Well, you’ll just hafta know.  You’ll have to differentiate between imagination and ‘reality’.”

“That doesn’t help.”  We were sitting in a blank space, then outdoors, then in a stale, off-white room, in chairs.

“Umm… well, you’ll just have to trust.”

I went out.  I had bought a parcel of land in Tokyo, torn down the building on it, and set up a campfire and a tent on it.  People lingered around me way after dark.   One man talked to me in Japanese before I asked him, “Do you speak English?”

“Yes..”

“Do you speak it…good?”

“Yes.”

“Ok, what’s your name?”

“Sagura Yamamoto. (Not sure if that’s correct.) It means something like driving boats.”

“Oh.”

“So what are you doing here?”

“I bought a piece of land and tore down the building, set this up, to kinda go against the grain.”

“You must be really rich.”

“No, not really..”

“How do you feed yourself?”

“I got this little coop, and a garden, over there, fenced up.”

“Hmm.”

“I wonder when this island’s going to sink?”

“Haha, that’s funny.”

“I mean, your main resource is the humans you have.  Eventually, all the fish will be… fished, and the iron and coal and aluminum mines gutted, and then you’ll just kinda dwindle away.  Say, how did you learn English?”

“Oh, I married a marine’s sister.  You know, American occupation, and his sister came to visit, and we married.”

After that the imagination dimmed.  I noticed there was a ringing in my head, that wasn’t annoying, but it was strange.  It seemed to come from the back left of the head.  But suddenly:

“I will give you a little more compare time.”  This felt extremely real.  Almost as though someone were right next to my ear, or head, and had said this.  It went through my whole body.

“What?”  I was at a desk, a long table rather, I realized I was in a lecture room at the local university.

“I will give you a little more compare time, before the test.”  His voice sounded like… royal Arabian?  He looked like a college student, except.. he was.. not?  I don’t know how to explain this, he wasn’t a teacher, maybe like a proctor?  Except the test wasn’t school related.

“Ok..”

Around me there was nobody.  I was the only person in the room besides him.

“Test!”  He pointed at the table in front of me.  There was suddenly a piece of paper there.  Also, there suddenly appeared in all the other seats a myriad of confused students.  Then, there was a bluish white light like a projector behind us, and the chairs automatically swiveled around.  Before they turned all the way, I got out of the seat and looked towards the front of the room, where the proctor was.  All the other students were staring, hypnotized, at the light.

I felt a bit of hatred towards the proctor, and started down the stairs (the lecture room spans two floors, sort of like an orchestra, with a stairway down the middle) to try to pummel him.  At the second to last step, I leapt towards him, went through him, and banged my head against the teacher’s desk there.  I got up, and went up the steps, making sure that I did not look up into the light.  I accidentally did once, and saw it was a projector, and in the light I got a sense of fear, I did not want to look at this light, it might hypnotize me.  So I got to the top of the stairs, went through the door there, and stepped into a hall. 

To the left, the hall went around a corner.  The right did the same, but there was a guard there (that incidentally looked exactly like a clone-guard in one of my previous ventures; I gotta write that one down too.)  I came up to him.

“Aren’t you supposed to be in class right now?”  he asked.

“No, I’m not.” (Thank god!)

“Well, you better get outta here, before I have to bust your tail.”

So I did.  I went down the hall, down a set of stairs, and out of the building.  It was a square tower with the middle cut out so that there was a little plaza, about fifteen yards wide.  Here, there is a blackish statue in the middle of the plaza, but in the imagination it was a fountain.  I headed out, and when I hit the street I looked to my left.

There, I saw a huge spacecraft.  It was a circle, that looked like a quarter mile in diameter, and fifty feet in the air.  It was mostly grayish- blackish metal.  Something opened up on the side, and a green laser beam came out and headed towards me.

This was when I started to run.  I heard the proctor behind me say something like “No good will come of running away.”  I looked behind me, and he had a pistol that shot something green like.  I ran towards the building, I think it was the Kirksey Old Main building, the math department.  The laser would literally crush whatever it was going through, there was a line in the pavement where it went.  I ran behind the large set of stairs, which the laser started to go through, and I went around to the right side of the building, where there was another, smaller, set of stairs that went up to the first floor.  In the distance, in the direction of the football stadium, there was another ship like the one after me, it was about a mile away.  By the way, it was hot, sunny, and completely cloudless, as though it were summer.  I ran into the building, and ran down the hall, where a murky figure that looked something like a zombie jumped out at me.  I ran around it, just barely missing it, and ran around another one before reaching the stairwell on the other side of the building.

I went up the stairwell, and at the top I ran, and stopped when I saw there was a clear space that led directly to the front of the building, separated from the outdoors by a thin glass wall.  This was shattered by something, probably by the proctor’s pistol, with him saying something like “You can’t run!”  I went over the edge and climbed down the side of the building via a series of bricks that stuck out of the wall.  Then I ran towards the main street, Middle Tennessee Boulevard I think.  There was another building, a parking lot, and a forest-like area between me and the road.  The topography was different than the real-world university.  I ran, entering the forest area first, consisting of a bunch of really tall and skinny trees that were spaced out as well.  As I ran, I realized this was the area where the spacecraft was last hovering, and I figured that I wasn’t being chased by the laser because I was under the ship.  I looked up, and saw the ship fire a HUGE bluish beam from its middle, breaking apart the ground right behind me.  It started to move, and I dodged the beam from going through me.  I stumbled, and got up, and saw the ship right about to fire its beam at me.

This is when I thought, “YOU HAVE GOT TO BE FUCKING SHITTING WITH ME!!!”  I let out a lot of energy with this, it seems, because right after that I felt something kinda fly away from me, like a force, and saw the ship explode at its middle.  It started to fall, and I had best fifteen seconds to get out from under it.  I ran like hell towards the building, and heard the creaks of the trees breaking under the ship falling. 

By now, I have got adrenaline running through me here, with a sensation of urgency, even though all I’m doing is imagining things.  Or am I?

I got out a few seconds before the ship crashed into the ground.  I was now running down a road, when I looked behind me and saw the other ship coming towards me.  I heard beside me, “Hey man!”  After a few seconds, something pulled me aside, and then a football field away.  I was looking at the ship now from the top of a hill, as it was over the area I was just at.  The ship started to accelerate towards where I now was, but then something was fired over my shoulder, hitting the ship and causing it to crash to the ground.

“Dude, I’m impressed that you caused it to fall with just your energy like that.”  It sounded like Zick.

After that, I heard a very real sound, which sounded like a fire alarm.  I was in an office building, and the alarm continued.  There was a crash above me as a part of the ceiling came down on fire beside me.  I got up, saw an elevator near me, and ran towards it, with more stuff starting to fall down.  I got in the elevator, which had an alarm inside it as well, and went down extremely fast, so much that I almost rose off the ground, before coming to a very sudden halt that almost crushed me.  Not like it crashed to the ground, but like a very high speed elevator.  I went out, with more debris falling, and went around the corner to the front door.  It seemed to be locked, so I jumped through the glass front.  There was a bit of blood on my hands now.  I kept running.  It was a downtown street, very sunny like in the last one, with high rises and such.  I looked up and saw one of the spacecraft, and wondered how the sunlight got through with the craft sitting there. 

I ran down the street.  The town seemed to stop at a certain point ahead of me, where there was high rises and concrete, then suddenly desert. I somehow got on top of a passing station wagon, and crashed through the back windshield.  I yelled, “Get out of here, now!”  The driver looked back at me, seeming somewhat similar to the proctor, and said, “Yeah, okay!”  He sped up, going around other cars, and leaving the city.

It was a long stretching highway that seemed to go on forever.

“You know, there’s a chance you might die,” I said.

“I know.”

By now, it seemed to be sunset, as though driving out into the desert made it sunset.  We were about a mile from the city.  Behind us the spacecraft (there may have been more than one) was hovering above the city, and it started to come towards us.  I looked back into the driver’s cabin.

This is where it ended.  I simply just got up.

Later, well, just now, it hit me that the vividity of the experience, that it was so real, might have been what Zick was trying to show me.  To get me actually… believing it.

Or I could just be going a little nuts.

(link to next:  http://www.ashtarcommandcrew.net/profiles/blogs/fifth-sixth-and-seventh )

I'm tired.

I suppose this stuff is real.  I'm not sure if I've really come to grips with that, but I see just a little more of it, it's becoming a little more real.

And, I'm choking on the red pill.

Random thing:  reading Tamoharadasa the Wanderer's 'request' just now made me think:  Hare Krishna sounds like Herr Krishna, which would equate to Mr. Krishna.  Mr.-Mr.Krishna-Mr.-Krishna?

So anyways, I'm really tired.. I suppose I'll put down my latest experience.

"So I want to learn about energy, and how it works."

"You do?  Ok," said Shermonttu, "here goes."

"Every person has a latent field of energy about them.  There are differing energies based on the area of the body it's being exuded by, the head, the heart, the groin, etc.  There are different names for this field, some call it ther aura, the chakras, the biorithmic field.  But it's essentially the same thing.

"Now, you've read part of the Naruto series, which does have a bit of truth to it:  you can manipulate your energy, bring different energies to different areas, and manifest them.  The different energies of the body can be converted, because all they are are just different vibrations of energy, it's like regular energy.  The way to do this, well, is just essentially willpower."

"How does that work?"

"Well, I really don't know... how does willpower work.  Intent...hmm.  It's like... it has to do with that you partly ARE the energy, since it is part of you you can control it."

"Now, the reason most people, including you, can't really do anything with their energy or intent is because... well, they aren't able to control it, and they don't have much of it either.  Your Buddhist monks, they are some of the best among you for that, but they really only have control, and not much amount of energy.  Makes you think about perspective, doesn't it?  This explains how a crowd of people could light a sheet of paper on fire with their intent, which is at best scattered and small, but it adds up with a lot of people; however, properly trained, each could do that on their own."

"So I can't actually..."

"No, no, you were under assistance those times, that's just showing what could be.  Try to do that water-spell."

I did, and all that happened was a drop of water that fell to the ground.

A question came into my mind:  is this real, or is this born of doubt?  I don't know.

"So what you need, is training.  Right now, we're just going to focus on gathering energy and releasing it."

I was suddenly in front of a desk, seated.  He handed me a pen.

"What you are going to do, is you are going to push that pen.  You are going to see how far you can get it to go.  Do it now."

I placed it in front of me, and then, with my right index finger, I pushed it.  It rolled two times.

"Ok, now imagine energy collecting at your fingertip when you do it."

I did, and I got it two, three, two, three rolls.

"Now, really start to focus.  Imagine energy coming from all over your body, really collecting there, and when you push the pen, release all of it, so that it scatters, and some of it hits the pen."

I did, I really imagined energy just building up, and here, I got that sensation as well, just this great buildup most intense at my fingertip and going down to my forearm, just energy coming from everwhere, my head, feet, stomach, other arm, and I did this for about a minute, and then I pushed the pen.  1.. 2.. 3.. 4 rolls.

"Ok, now keep doing that."

4..3...4...5...and in a great release, I got seven.

"Good!  That trained both the amount of energy you produce, and your control over it.  Now to explain distance manipulation.

"Basically, you either have to "wire" your energy, or make it smart.  Wiring means you have to maintain a connection to the released energy, devoting a small amount to connecting to the energy."

He produced a 1 inch cube of bright light.

"This is energy.  Right now, I've got it encased in a shell of energy that takes the shape of a cube.  If I suddenly withdrew the shell, the energy would fly everwhere, probably first crushing the desk, then us.  It's like a little bomb.  But, I can direct the energy, by making a shaft for it to go up-" a beam of the energy hit a target near us, coming from a point on the cube, much like a laser "- or I could make a point of gravitation for it to go to.  This would mean making a small hole on the cube, then making a point on a desired target in my mind, a point of energy that specifically says, to that energy, 'come here'."  He did this, pointed the cube towards the target, and a beam of energy first came out like it was just oging to scatter everywhere, but it directed itself towards the target, resulting in a beam whose diameter was significantly larger and less precise than the laser point.  "The point of gravitation takes little energy to make, but the energy seeks a direct path, going through anything in between it and the gravitation point.  The shell takes more energy, but can be bent, so that you could shoot energy through a series of small tubes and still hit your target."

"You can also relinquish a bit of control over your energy, giving it simply a directive along with some ability to make decisions on its own.  It's not as terrible as it seems, it's like an auto-targeting system on a microcomputer that's part of a missile, instead of just a bullet you shoot.  It takes less energy than the shell, but requires a great mastery over your energy, but it also relieves you of the duty of making every decision for the energy, you just let it go and it does its thing."

"So that's energy.  Training it is going to wear you out, but make sure you do it, both up here and down there.  The more you practice, the more you can do."

Then I went aboard the ship with a new character, Zick Sariah.  He's got this messed up white hair, an easygoing look.  Relatively intelligent, and it seems I've known him since a long time ago.  We went and rescued Gerald, who was tied up in Sarah's former holding cell, and we went and killed the remaining aliens, well, really Gerald, with his swords, all I could do was summon a drop of water.  I was kicked across the room by a purple dragon looking fellow; all I managed to do was resist the mind-control of a Grey and kick its head in.  Upon the death of the dragon, the     ship started to collapse, and we were shot out to space.  We almost forgot Sarah before the ship blew to rubble.

Now we were resting in a bubble in orbit, tending to various wounds.  The spider came and called Zick away, and he came back adn said we had to go somewhere.  I asked why, he said I don't know.  We went to a desert like area, it was sunset, and it looked way too much like a drawing I have to make me believe that I was actually "up there" now, instead of my imagination.  Then I just faltered and went to sleep.

I had a dream that involved a banker with a shotgun protecting his bank from looters, and me giving roughly $170 to a classmate of mine for no reason other than he wanted it badly.  I was thinking, it's just a bunch of worthless paper.

After eight hours of sleep I still felt really tired.  It got better, I found out I could get Xbox live with my new wireless connection to the internet.  Around 2:30 I went on a bike ride to fetch some milk.  I came home to the realization that I had some homework to do, not too much, but enough to make me worry.  I basically became really tired, and laid in bed from 3:30 to about 5:00, and then from 5:15 to 6:00.  Somewhere in there, I asked my guardians -who I assume to include the spider and Zick, maybe the Gails- to help me through this.  The spider responded, pointing out that throughout the day I had operated at a relatively low energy, then going through a trip to the store and homework worry made me shut down, as my energy capacity from last night was shot, and this just burned me out.  Also, sometimes I'm just gonna hafta use will to pull through the day. I suppose they did help me, or maybe the sleep and eating did, maybe both.  But now I'm pretty well.

So now I'm not so tired.  Maybe writing helped.  Who knows?

Well.

I'm not entirely sure if this is fiction or not. Bugs me. Exciting, but I still doubt the reality of it. Either I'm really gullible to some extent, or I'm crazy to some extent, or this is REAL to some extent.
!!!
So.

I lay down, and I close my eyes, and I'm off. I direct my mind out to above my city, and then above Earth. I'm in space, and then I hear a voice, it sounds sorta like a professor. I can't exactly remember all of this, but it was something like "We got him, can you hear me? Hello?" And I said hello, and there was a bang and my view flipped, like a television screen. It straightened back out, and my view turned to a man that I wish I could get the drawing for here, but I can describe him.
He was in a white lab coat, with gray/white hair for his beard and hair that went around his mouth, like a moustache. It makes him look... professorial. Also, he has a pair of glasses that sit in front of either blue or gray eyes, with a broad, hard nose and a faint smile. His skin was tanned.
"All right, we have you clear."
"Where... or who are you?"
"You are in a ship above the Earth. I... follow you. That's my job."
"Is this real?"
"Perhaps. Right now, you are imagining it, so on some level I would believe that yes, this scenario exists, at least on some parallel world, if not your world and time."
I tried to imagine myself, my body there.
"Good, try that, that way we won't have to carry you in this little box."
I stood up, and looked down. The floor was glass, with an incredible view of the Earth and its atmosphere below. Not all that impressive. I looked up, and saw the rest of the man, along with a woman next to him, in similar regalia. She was continuously looking at a clipboard or notepad in her hand and occasionally looking at me, and then back again. She had boring features. Calm, collected, dull. Brown hair, blue eyes, white skin.
"Well, I'm glad to meet you, finally."
"Are you..."
"Yes, every now and then we talk to you. Guide you, that sort of thing. Not very directly, but occasionally we represent some of your self-reflections."
He invited me into a command like center. In it, there was a view of the Earth as seen from the side of the ship, with a large keyboard with both black and glowing blue symbols on it.
There were two chairs, they sat down. I stood near the panel, wondering what it was. The black letters were English characters, that were situated in the center of the keyboard. But, the entire keyboard had blue runic symbols on it.
"Those are for convenience. Sometimes, it is necessary to use the English characters for communication, like as we are doing right now, but the runes are for different ideas, that strung together form a concept larger than the individuals themselves. We made it up."
"So who are you?"
"Well, I am Professor Gail. My first name is Gerald. This-" points at the woman "- is Sarah Gail."
I shook his hand, and hers. Hers was a clammy hand, firm, but sort of unpleasant.
"Don't worry, she's kinda like that. Right, Susan?"
"It's Sarah. Are you still confusing me with her?"
"No, no... it's just..."
"So why are you here?"
"Well, I work for the Grays."
"Huh?"
"I was forced to work here. I can barely remember who I was before I came here. I know I was some sort of scientist..."
"So I've got the Grays looking at me."
"Well, now you do."
The door opened. It was a sliding door, with a hydraulic release. It came apart in two parts, much like some of the futuristic doors in Star Wars. In it was a Gray. This wasn't a typical-looking Gray. Its head was bulbous, sort of, in fact, much like a light bulb. It had two black, circular eyes against a grey head, with a small nose and mouth. Its eyes had two pupils, sort of, it was hard to tell if they were reflections or pupils. I didn't get to know, because it reached out at me with two long-fingered hands and touched my head.
My vision immediately blacked out. Back in the real world, I had a sort of headache. I still got communication from Gerald.
"You there?"
"Yeah."
"Ok, they are doing something to you... they have you on a table. I think I was set up to do this, I'm not sure if I was used to lure you here."
"Oh."
"Strangely, they have let me in the room where they have you body as they do things to you."
"What things?"
There was a pain-like sensation in the right-back of my head and the right-back of my neck.
"It seems to be a tracking device of sorts. It's something in your head, for sure. I wouldn't look forward to a good sleep tonight."
"Great."
It continued, and the sensation went away.
The spider (from the last imagination) came in.
"Are you okay?"
"Who are you?"
"I know him. Who are you?"
"Erm, I work for the Grays."
"Ohh, them. I hate them. I hate you too, by association. As long as you work for this group, you still will be a part of them, much like an evil corporation is still made up of humans. The corporation would have no power to do evil if there were no one backing it up. Thus, since you are a part of it, I hate you as well."
"Um. Okay."
"But I will tolerate you."
I came back to.
"Be safe."
"Okay... thanks."
The spider went away.
I was standing back in the control room.
"So, we are going to do something."
Gail made a map on the screen where the side view was.
"This is Mercury, Venus--strange, by the way, that you still use the Greek and Roman names-- Earth, Mars, the asteroid belt," - a close-up view of the inside of the asteroid belt appeared on the screen, as though the ship were suddenly there--"and this is your galaxy"-- suddenly we were taking a long objective view of the Milky Way Galaxy--"and this is the Andromedan Galaxy. The one that will collide with yours in a few hundred billion years?" The view shifted to the Andromedan Galaxy, whose core set of stars was purplish in color, as opposed to ours, which is white. Suddenly, my vision blacked out, and my eyes rolled up here in this world. There was an effect so that there was a circle made of the texture of the neural flashes, except this was definitely a circle. While this was happening, I heard, "and this is planet (something)res, or for your convenience, Planet A of the (something) system, of the Andromedan Galaxy, as opposed to Earth of the Sol system of the Milky Way Galaxy." I saw it in my mind, it was either the third or second around a purplish sun.
Suddenly I was in a grassy glade, in the middle of a jungle. The sky was blue, with a sun much like ours. Ahead of me, there was a small creek, with a small stone bridge across it. The bridge couldn't have been more than a few yards long. The creek came from the forest, ran in a line perpendicular to my vision, and went back into the forest. It seemed to separate the glade from the cleared jungle that lay in front of me. I moved forward, and saw that a body moved in front of me instead of me. The body turned around (it didn't seem to be me), slightly irritated, and grabbed me, or my vision anyways. It went to the river, and turned me so that I was facing the water. I saw that what was me was actually an orb, a white orb, that I supposed was my soul. The body pressed the orb into itself, and I was in control of the body. I looked, and felt it, and it did not seem to be me. In any case, I was stuck in it.
Behind me, something was coming. I turned around, and there was a metal pod that flew towards the glade, and landed where I had started. Two panels slid off the side, and some men resembling Navy S.E.A.L.s came out either side. They looked around, and saw me, and shot at me. The bullets, when they hit my body, disappeared into small pools of light. I looked back up, and saw that they had thrown grenades at me. I stood there (idiot) and the grenades went off, the resulting blast being kind of neat to look at, but not doing much harm to me. It was kinda warm. After that, the men were looking at me with worried looks. I rose into the air, and zapped them with electricity from my fingers. I wasn't really doing it, but the body, sort of, was doing it. It just kinda happened.
I got a few of them before they retreated back into their ships. Then, somehow, probably by the pod flying over me, it snagged me and had me in handcuffs. I was soaring over the jungle, when my body made the handcuffs break. I plummeted, and landed safely in the jungle.
It was very dark. I could barely see my own hands. Suddenly, there was a rustling. I looked around, and there were two eyes staring at me. Red eyes. The creature leaped out at me.
It was sort of like a fox. It had multiple tails, was more rounded lengthwise (not fat), was very strong, and had an intelligent light to its eyes.
"Who are you?" it snarled.
"What.. what.."
It had me pinned down. "Who are you, or I'll rip you to pieces."
"Eh.. uh.. Zick Sariah!"
Zick Sariah was a moniker I've considered using. It feels like I know it somehow.
"Who is that? I do not know who that is, if that is what you are, then I will kill you!"
"(my name)!"
It backed off of me.
"(my name)? Oh, then that is okay. The leader has told me to expect you. Come."
It went into the woods, and I followed.
After a little running, I asked it why it attacked me.
"You were in my territory."
"Your territory? What are you?"
"My tribe is of the Yatsi. We are territorial, ever since you humans came."
"Huh?"
"You humans forced us out from roaming, our free space is not free. We hate the humans for robbing us of our freedom to wander. Now, we are forced to hide here, where we do not have to deal with you. The jungle, however vast, is limited, and we have little space to suit our needs. We are forced to draw lines, except where we are heading now, which is the leader's territory, at the center of all territories, which is open to all, even you humans."
"Hm."
We arrived there. It was a little lighter, for there was a fire burning in a clear patch, even though the forest growth still made it dark.
"How.."
"We can still use our mouths to carry things. And we breathe fire."
I doubted the last statement.
"Tucker! You have found him."
On the other side of the fire was a larger (I think) Yatsi. I didn't see much of a difference.
"You may go, Maiisi." the leader one said to a Yatsi he was with. Maiisi looked at me, and then she turned away into the darkness.
"You may go too, Tucker."
Tucker, the one who had found me, left as well, although not without a glare at me.
"So, you are?"
"(my name)."
"Are you sure? That does not look like your body. I was expecting someone different."
"Well, what about Zick Sariah?"
"Oh! That makes sense. He's a good lad, to lend you his body. You must be a good friend of his."
"So this isn't me?"
"No, your normal body wouldn't be able to help you survive very well here. His body comes with a set of reflexes, so that should you come in danger, his magic would help you."
I told about the ambush at the glade.
"Ah yes, that was his body, and not yours."
"So who are you?"
"I am Shermonttu."
"You have strange names."
"It might partly be your interpretation of what is happening up here."
"Oh. So what am I here for?"
"Training."
"What?"
"Well, to be up here and survive, you'll have to develop your own body and skills here. I suppose Zick let you have his body so you could get here. Now, we can start."
If you've watched The Matrix, you'll recall a scene where Neo was learning Ju Jitsu. Well, imagine that room, and that's where I was, in a karate suit, facing Shermottu, except now he was in a humanoid form, with a regular body, but a Yatsi head, also in a karate suit.
My conscience or vision was slightly lagging behind my real body. However, I corrected after a little bit. I looked down, and was satisfied I was looking at my body again.
The first thing he did was kick me in the chin.
This sent me to the ceiling. My head poked out and saw a Japanese or Chinese village laid out before me, urban-like, but medieval Asian. Smoke coming out of smoke stacks, people milling in the tight streets with their large straw, cone-like hats.
It seems the second thing he did was get me from beneath.
I flew into the air, with the whole of the village beneath me. I saw that the village had a main road that led up to the building that I was recently evacuated from. The building looked over the rest of the village, it being the tallest.
Slowly, gradually, I started to fall. I landed semi-softly on a street, luckily where no one was standing at that particular moment. The rest of the crowd looked at me and drew back. There was an oriental commotion, Chinese or something similar because of the relative softness or lack of sharp consonants. However, the crowd was focused on me. A woman came rushing through the crowd, and blurted her language at me. She got me up, and led me to her quarters. The crowd withdrew to let me and her through. I was given suspicious looks.
We came in, and she laid me down onto a bed of hers. I think she was a village healer. She began applying a series of creams to my butt, hands, legs, torso, and face, where there was bruising or injury. All the while she kept trying to talk to me, and kept responding in a fashion that indicated that I couldn't understand her.
Eventually she stopped, and said, telepathically, "You speak English?"
"Yes..."
"Oh. You must come from Earth, in Sol."
"Yes."
"Wow, it has a long time since I have been there. A few times, a few hundred years. I did not think that I would hear of it again. I guess I am wrong. Excuse me for my language, I am not that good."
"It's all right."
"I am Xi Nu Long."
"Hello.."
"Ahh. You should rest. Here, take this blue vial."
She handed me a small blue vial.
"What will it do?"
"Drink it, and you will rest. You might have a dream, you might not."
I drank it. Soon, I was asleep there. I woke up soon thereafter. I was still awake here; it is very strange to be asleep at one place, and awake in another.
She directed me out to the street. Immediately, a man came around the corner, yelling something.
Xi didn't seem too worried. Everyone else, though, started to panic. Around the corner came Shermonttu, and immediately everyone started to flee. I ran to him, and we started back to the building.
"Why did they run?"
"Oh, they fear us."
"Why is that?"
"We haven't dealt too nicely with them. Still, it's them who were afraid of us, not the other way around. Sigh... sometimes I wish they hadn't settled here. Things might have been better. They were the first aggressors, you know."
"Oh."
"They're good, but some of our members, like Tucker, are very anxious about your race. I'm not sure why, though. It seems to be something about them that makes some of us so angry. It's annoying sometimes. Still, all disputes wind up with me, and I deal with them to the best of my ability."
(I am not sure about the last 3 paragraphs, if they existed. However, I kind of got that sense.)
So, we were back at the dojo.
"You are going to learn magic. Now, you have already made a sign for fire, is that correct?"
"Yes."
It involved drawing a simple symbol with some lines and dots, then making three motions with my hands.
"See if it works here. Here is a pencil and paper."
He gave me such, and I drew the symbol, performed the hand motion, and the paper was ablaze. It was consumed in about ten seconds.
"Now, I want you to learn water."
"How is that?"
"Well, and making a ball at the same time. Make a symbol."
I made a symbol something like sigma, except reversed about a line, so that there are two squiggles.
"Now, associate a word."
It went something like "Tsumingo".
"Now, practice it. But not on paper. That will make the paper wet. Make the symbol in the air, hold your hands about eight inches apart, and say the word. Envision a ball of water between you hands."
I did so, and there was a ball of water in my hands.
"Now, just push it towards me."
I made a pushing motion, and it went towards him. It made a small splash against him.
"Good. Now, a modifier. To make the ball larger, make a word that you can associate with big, and envision a ball about two feet wide. This modifier, if done right, will apply to all spells, amplifying their effect. Go ahead."
I made a word similar to "Granden" Then, I made the motion, and said the word with the modifier as a prefix. "granden tsumingo", I suppose. There was a ball of water two feet wide, with my hands near the 5 o' clock and 7 o' clock positions. I pushed this towards him, and he was drenched.
He dried off (with a spell I presume).
"Good. The modifier can be applied many times, such that "granden-granden-tsumingo" would probably either get you a ball as big as this room, or drench this entire building, based on what you want. Three times would probably make it rain, if you drew it in the sky. Of course, you'd have to be in the sky first."
"Now make a ball of fire."
I did so, and I had a flame between my hands.
"Good, good. You are done with the learning today. I will see you again."
With that, I blacked out, and was on the ship.
"How did it go?" said Gerald Gail.
"Pretty good."
We went out to the deck where I first came on board. Sarah was with us.
"I suppose it is time to go. Well, I'll see you."
He gave me a kiss, and I went to Sarah, who looked me in the eye, and said, "Be careful."
Now, the next part I'm kind of amazed at. It seemed completely against the nature of Gerald Gail. A Gray entered the room right after she said that, and he turned at the alien, drew a sword out of nowhere, rushed the alien, and ran it through. The alien died immediately.
The door was still open, and Gerald rushed through, where I saw more green Gray blood spatter out the door, with accompanying noises. Apparently, there were a lot, for he stayed in there before he came back into the room I was in, where a door to the left (the door he just came through being to the right) of the door that led to the command center had just opened with a reptilian coming through. The professor drew another sword and rushed him, slicing it before it had a chance. There started to be more, coming from both directions, and Gail, in his fit of rage, kept on slicing and dicing. Green, red, maybe blue blood spilled from a variety of creatures.
Sarah turned to me.
"He's got us into this, I suppose we have to help now that we can't go back." She said this in a calm way as she handed me a pistol/shotgun, and drew a semiautomatic machine gun out of her coat. She started to shoot at the aliens to the left, so that he could deal with the ones on the right. I simply sat there and watched the whole ordeal.
There was a pause, and we took the opportunity to go to the left door. I stood in between Sarah and Gerald, Sarah being closest to the door we had entered. There were more coming, and Gerald kept hacking at them in the direction of the new door, and Sarah in the direction we had come in, occasionally helping with Gerald.
Then, I was back here.
Eventually, after mulling over this adventure into the imagination (?), I went to sleep. I got up in the middle of the night, and made myself remember all this from beginning to end. I had barely gone back to sleep when the alarm rang at 5:45 to mark a new day.

I've either got a creative mind worth pursuing a career with, or this stuff is real.
Sometimes truth is more interesting than fiction.

(link to next:  http://www.ashtarcommandcrew.net/profiles/blogs/third-installment-of-a-very )

Last night, I was going to bed. Unfortunately, I have an active imagination.

As I was lying in bed, I imagined I was in a cave, in a large spider's web, wrapped up, except for my face.

A large spider came upon me. It was sentient, and it could talk to me. It did. I knew in the first place that we had both agreed to be there, that I was there to learn. The spider detailed to me that we were going to see how well I reacted to pain. It explained to me that there was no situation that I couldn't handle, no test presented to me that I couldn't conquer. I found that I could communicate telepathically with it, since this was, after all, the realm of my imagination. I questioned it on whether this experience is real, or if it just part of my imagination. It said that I could choose to believe whether or not I was making this up to entertain myself, or if this was someone actually testing me. Naturally, this was an unpleasing answer, as I didn't know whether it was me or another entity (the spider) actually directing the experience.

If you don't know if you are actually directing your mind, it's at the least slightly unsettling.

The test, ostensibly, was to see how I reacted to pain. So, it cut my right big toe off. Now, as this is in my imagination, I couldn't actually feel the pain. I could imagine what it looked like, and what it felt like. I noticed that after a while there was an actual feeling of pain in the muscles and tendons associated with the big toe- it ran across the front of my foot, and up the inner side of my leg up to the knee. This really started to make me wonder if this is real, or if I am imagining it. Brr! The spider said, that for the moment, try to believe that it's real. The spider believed it was real, so I just kinda went along.

So, as my imaginary self was dealing with the pain, the spider told me that now I would have to grow my toe back. It said that he could grow my toe back for me, but the reason was to see if I could do it. Also, it was to see how unattached to the pain I could become. He said there was a difference between me and my body, that my body is simply a series of chemical and biological reactions, and that me - I - was simply experiencing the neural impulses that were sent to the brain, which is the attaching body for the soul or true "I". If I could interpret the vehicle differently, or become less attached to it, I wouldn't feel as much pain, if any at all.

He furthered the testing by sticking a needle under the nail of the toe right next to it. This time, I immediately started to feel a small amount of pain. He proceeded to stick 3 or 4 more needles straight through that toe. I remember that, to my imaginary self, I could very well experience that pain, and with each needle, I gritted my teeth very hard.

After that it stopped. It said that that was enough for me to deal with for now. It then proceeded to ramble about spirituality. It said that it, too, was on the "grand learning experience". I asked how did he know the term "grand learning experience" that I used; it was very unlikely that he would have come up with that term. In effect, he said that either I was constructing this entire experience from myself (and thus would know what terms I used), or that he was telepathic, or a combination of the two.

It held its hand in front of me. It was two or three 'fingers' attached to its arm. It said how we have an image of oneself, that we learn to associate with the body that we experience. This is simply a matter of belief. The spider said that it imagined itself as a spider, and that it was used to be a spider, and felt itself as being a spider. However, it had at least a partial mastery over its beliefs, and that, done correctly, it could change its self image based on how fast it could change its beliefs. It proceeded to change its hand to a human hand, with arm included. I wondered how the muscles on it connected to its spider forearm, and it said I don't know- I just know that I have a human hand right now. Then, it faded back to the original hand. It sighed; it had only partial mastery. The spider said it was capable of turning its entire self into a human, but he would still, for a while, believe he was a spider. If he did it long enough, and settled into the role, then it would come to think of itself as a human. Then, he would have just as hard a time thinking itself back into a spider. It would be easier, as it had experience being a spider; it was just a matter of belief.

We both noticed that most of the pain had subsided. The spider took a bucket of ticks and dumped it onto my right leg. For a little while, I could imagine them crawling around and biting me. There really wasn't that much pain associated with it. The spider remarked this as good; it proceeded to start eating the ticks off of my leg. The spider commented that as it believed it was a spider, it also necessarily believed that he could eat ticks and enjoy it. Naturally, this was disgusting to me, but I believed I was a human, that did not eat ticks. It was simply the biochemistry I was used to.

Then, it rambled again. I was wondering how exactly, that even if he believed he was a human, how could he change into one? I mean, I can believe that I am a cockroach, but all the Kafka in the world isn't going to turn me into one. He said it was about the 'programming', if you will. It's about how well you can control it. He never gave any specifics, but he said it was like trying to touch the sun in a video game. If you stand there and try to reach the sun by jumping up and putting up your hands, you won't accomplish anything. But, if you know how to change the basic programming, you can do it. You can change the game so that you are incredibly huge, that the earth is as big as your foot, and you could walk over and reach the sun. Or, you could make it so that you you can fly, and you could fly over to the sun. Or, that you could, on command, any where in the universe, and reach it that way. Or, you could change the perspective ratios, and you could simply reach up and grab the sun and cradle it in your hands. But, by playing by the rules of the game, it's nigh impossible that by jumping up that you'll be able to touch it. You might accidentally get in on someone else's change to the programming, but other wise, you're just wasting your energy. He said that most of us are Gamers, down here on Earth. We participate by the rules, and have fun playing the game. After all, it's the only thing we know to do. But there are a few who can also mess with the fundamental programming, and change the game's rules, at least as far as they can. It's impossible to change the rules that everyone plays by; only the ones that affect you. This was a big analogy, I gathered, that wasn't quite exactly how it worked, but explained it pretty well.

He said that for right now, my testing was over. So, my imagination wandered for a while.

In the middle of something, I noticed that I was back in the cave, with a sword about to puncture my chest. It struck, and immediately in real-time I had trouble breathing. I knew that I was experiencing pain on a different level, thus making it hard for me to breathe here; my chest constricted. The spider said that this was another test, and it proceeded to put another 4 or 5 swords in my chest, each of which my body reacted to. By now, I realized there was not that much pain associated with the swords; however, my physical body still reacted to them. I wondered still if this was real or my imagination. The spider said that I was doing well, to not be feeling pain. Eventually, the breathing came back, and the swords were removed. The spider then told me to focus on healing the toe, and growing it back. I did, for about fifteen seconds, and the pain in my body associated with the toe started to fade away. The toe felt... back, like it had come back into place. The spider congratulated me. After a little more rambling, the day dream ended.

A little while later, I reflected on how if there was one choice in the beginning, that started the whole universe, the there were two possibilities; then, 4, 8, 16, 32, 64, 128, 256, 512, and so on many choices, corresponding to the number of choices made. By this point, there must be like 100 to the 100 to the 100 to the 100 to the 100 to the 100 many possibilities, which kinda represents the thought that there are infinite possibilities.

Then, my mind wandered, and eventually, I fell asleep.

(link to next:  http://www.ashtarcommandcrew.net/profiles/blogs/second-installment-of-a-very )