Spiritual Forum

I am a living movie theater. Or should I better say, that there is a movie theater in my head?

I find a living screen all surrounding me, not just like that flat thing we all know while sitting in front of it. No. It is a living something , maybe a hologram, and I sit right in the middle and watch.

When I medidate I see all colours and sometimes enjoy the smell of places I like. I see often wonderful ladies, and tinseltown in my head is offering me sex with myself.

I`m alone in my theater and I am not. My thoughts and pondering keeps me moving while my body rests or wanders in places I forget. Pictures and films, whole sceneries emerge at the living something pulling on me from all directions. I have a world, a universe, many universes in my head, and each time I find myself in this world they told me is the real one, I wonder what is truth and what illusion.

It is much, that I forget and not consider important. I have not only my phone number in my head. I really don`t know, what is in my head, but tinseltown.

This world the real one? Which world? My world? Is it also your world? Can we say: our world?

When I was a kid, I looked into a small radio. I wanted to find the guy speaking the news. He was not there. Then I cracked a battery. I found black and smelly stuff. He wasn`t there neither.

How comes the man into the radio? Is it the same like I, tertiusgaudens, coming into this world? And which world is it, in which I am?

I could not find the man in the radio. How can I find myself, when it is not even clear, in which world I can be found? And who is it, that is the finder of I? Is it I myself? I myself find I, which is me?

When I as 12, there was a very starry night, and I went out to a field. It was summer, and I felt lonely, lonely in that, what I have been told is world. Strange enough - tinseltown working - I still remember the clothings I have worn.

I have still the smell of this field in my nose. And the smooth and warm air touching my skin.  And the sounds in that night.

In that night tinseltown in my head must have been in resonance with what I saw. It gives me still shivers today. What I saw, was that I am part of all I saw and more of that. Those distant stars were part of me, and I was part of them. And space nd time are part of me too. And also that, which I could not name beyond stars and space and time.

I have touched in this night something unimaginable and infinite. I have found myself in something unlimited. And I had to think of the radio and the battery I had butchered years before.

The man comes in the radio without really being in the device by waves. And I come into the world as wave being too. And tinseltown in the head gives me the pictures and films.

Some of these pics and films are stable - they last over longer times. And they find attraction of other senses beyond the tinseltown in the head.  This we call reality. Such reality is like stable waves on the surface of an ocean. They run and run and make a wave surfer happy or sad.

Other pics and films are real too, but of another kind. Some reaching for getting stable and must wait till time comes for stability or not. They are not accomplished in the sense of stability. This makes them to possibilities. And tinseltown in the had knows always their taste.

I will not going deeper into philosophy yet. Only this:

Aristotle saw a thing in two directions - actuality and potentiality. The actual is now. The potential is that where the actual might lead. Thus a chestnut is both - a seed and maybe a tree.

Schopenhauer found it difficult of exactly knowing, whether there is a real world outside or an imagination of tinseltown in the head. He made strong referrences to eastern philosophy and thoughts.

Douglas Hofstadter is pointing to infinite recursion processes in human thinking and describes the "I" as special kind of abstract feedback loop inhabiting our brains.

And modern neuro science (Gerhard Roth is leading there) describes the brain as unbelievable illusion machine, which even would let the "I" think, it is the master of action; actually "I" is it not, there is nothing like a free will.

So how does "I" come into this world, and which world is it? Let me be sober: I really don`t know. But somehow I am in a world, and tinseltown in my head is working with excellence. Or better - something is happening related to myself, and I am not able to bring it all on line.

And what can I do? Nothing. Nothing really. Nothing but living even without really knowing. Obviously there are lots of stable waves while others are not stable. Some seems to be only in tinseltown in my head, while others ia attracting senses beyond tinseltow, but even having said this, makes me not sure of being right on this.

But one thing I know even without being able to prove. I - whatever this is or not - am part of all that I perceive - tinseltown in the head and beyond - and evenn more. I am part of all that is and can be (possibilities). And the "I" is calling this being.

And obviously all this wanted me to emerge into a strange being or a strange loop.

And so I`m glad about tinseltown in my head, and sometimes I hate it...