Swami Beyondananda, spiritual leader to millions of FUNdamentalists (accent on “fun”) has launched a worldwide “blisskrieg” in a declaration of “all out peace!” Speaking from a platform at his new virtual address at www.wakeuplaughing.com, the Swami said, “We’ve been holding our peace for far too long. It’s time to let it out! Why should peacekeepers keep the peace for themselves when the world needs it so badly nowadays?”
The Swami was interrupted numerous times by gleeful supporters shouting the peace mantra, “Ah ... peace on it!” and waving banners reading “Our World: Love It Or Leave It!” “Play For Nonjudgment Day” and Disarmaggedon Is Near!” “It’s a fight to the life!” Swami told his minions, vowing to open the floodgates of love, light and laughter to cleanse the body politic of cultural, economic and political toxins that have caused folks to “take things poisonally” -- and perpetuate war.
“These are challenging times,” said the Swami, “which call for Emerge-n-See measures. It is time for us to emerge from our fearful and powerless hiding places and see the big picture. We have met the Savior and He is Us. I see all these Children of God praying for Jesus to intervene, but we cannot expect to be fed intervenously forever. Time for Children of God to grow up, for Christ’s sake, and become Adults of God for a change. Playful adults, that is.”
“Because the key to lasting peace is laughter,” he told the crowd. “Do you know what the leading cause of war and terrorism is? I will tell you. It is seriousness. Seriousness is the most serious problem we face on the planet today. I’m serious. Think about it. Every terrorist act -- not to mention terror itself -- begins with seriousness. Everywhere we look, we are faced with laugh-threatening seriousness.” The Swami called on his supporters to “report any serious behavior to the Department of Omland Security.”
“Levity, on the other hand, helps us rise above whatever’s been bringing us down,” the Swami continued. “Did you know that one Youngman of laughter -- approximately the mirth contained in the average one-liner -- can release up to a megahurt of emotional pain?”
Finally, the Swami outlined his plan for conducting the Blisskrieg and waging all out peace. “It is very simple indeed. While it makes no sense to take up arms against warfare, it makes all the sense in the world to lift up arms and embrace anything that nourishes peace.” Whereupon Swami offered the following 5-point plan to spark outbreaks of peace all across the planet:
1. Create A Department of Emerge-n-See Planning Now. If war is a necessary evil, why not seek peace as a necessary good? We should be putting at least as much energy and money into secretly plotting peace-- sneaking food and clothing into war-torn nations under the cover of darkness, sending tanks to drought-stricken areas so that they can capture rainwater, sending in comedy troops in an all-out amfunniest assault-- and an even more controversial measure, dropping canisters of laughing gas on persistent pockets of seriousness.
2. Enlist the World Religions to Do Something Useful. Prayer works. According to Dr. Larry Dossey and others who have studied the healing power of prayer, surgery patients who were prayed for tended to heal more quickly. Not only that, but if the people who were doing the praying were also prayed for, results were even better! And it worked regardless of the language or religion they were praying in. Instead of engaging in that childish and destructive game, “My dogma’s better than your dogma,” the major religions would do better to organize a worldwide prayer calm-petition-- it could be called the God Will Games-- and donate the proceeds to ending spiritual hunger on the planet. Regardless of who wins the pray-offs, everyone will benefit.
3. Support the Alter Native Economy. If we’re going to aggressively wage peace, we want to spend more of our wages peacefully. So support the alter native economy-- whatever alters the natives for the better. Our lives are byproducts of what we buy. So if you want to counteract the profits of doom, only buy products with healthful and helpful byproducts. And consider trading in your old Dodge for an Evolvo and running your karma on esteem. Rising esteem can actually improve the overall atmosphere by causing the heart to warm, and the head to cool. This may be the answer to global warming!
4. Support the Peace Effort on the Om Front. We’ve heard the experts say nothing will bring peace, so I say let’s prove ‘em right. Our lives are so filled up with somethings that we have no room for nothing anymore! That’s why my ultimate meditation tape, Sounds of Silence, is completely blank. Think about it. Our minds are filled up with information everywhere we go. After a busy day thinking of everything, what a welcome relief it is to think of nothing. So as part of my work on behalf of inner peace, you can now come to my Om Page and download as much healing silence as you need-- absolutely free! And you can do your part for world inner peace by sending some peaceful silence to a friend. Sure this is a peacemeal approach, but it works. A little peace here, a little peace there, and pretty soon you have one big peaceful meal everywhere.
5. Spread Contagious Laughter Wherever You Go. If we truly want to bring about Nonjudgment Day, we need to do whatever we can to increase the laugh force on the planet. Take the funniest jokes from the internet, and share them on the outernet. Commit random acts of harmless comedy. Practice Fun-Shui by creating playful beauty everywhere. Make sure you spend some time each week laughing with friends and loved ones. Remember that when it comes to laughter, the more the merrier. And remember too, what goes around comes around. In other words, the laugh you save may be your own.