Once God was in the mood of asking some humans to tell him something funny.
Well, said a man, I know someone who was gay.
Stop that, said God, that ain`t funny. Shut up!
Ok, said onother one, there was a man with a long dick.
No, shut up, said God, that ain`t funny. Isn`t there someone with a funny tale?
There came a man who was a stammerer. And he begun to speak with a stammer:
Llllord, I hahahve ssssold ffffifty bbbbbibles in tttttwo wwwweeks iiin mmmmy nnnneighbbbborhhhhhhood!
How did you do that, God wanted to know, I mean, you are stammering! It should be not simple selling bibles!
Wwwwell, replied the man, I rrrrang the bbbbbell, aaaand if ssssssomeone ooooopened, I ssssssaid, Iiiiiii hhhhhhave aaaa bbbbbbible here, shshshall I rrrrread or dddddo you wwwwwant tttttto bbbbbuy one?
And God had to laugh so hard that he closed heaven for one day and ceded his bussiness to Ashtar command...
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Thanks!!
I live in Mexico for now, but Washington Green Forever!
Adult Fairy Tales
CINDERELLA wants to go to the ball, but her wicked stepmother won't let her. As Cinderella sits crying in the garden, her fairy godmother appears, and promised to provide Cinderella with everything she needs to go to the ball, but only on two conditions. "First, you must wear a diaphragm."
Cinderella agrees. "What's the second condition?"
"You must be home by 2:00 a.m. Any later, and your diaphragm will turn into a pumpkin."
Cinderella agrees to be home by 2:00 am The appointed hour comes and goes, and Cinderella doesn't show up. Finally, at 5:00 a.m. Cinderella shows up, looking
love struck and very satisfied.
"Where have you been?" demands the Fairy Godmother. "Your diaphragm was supposed to turn into a pumpkin three hours ago!!!"
" I met a prince, Fairy Godmother. He took care of everything."
The Fairy Godmother stated, "I know of no prince with that kind of power! Tell me his name!"
Cinderella replied, I can't remember, exactly,
Peter, Peter, something or other..."
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PINOCCHIO had a human girlfriend who would sometimes complain about splinters when they were having sex. Pinocchio, therefore, went to visit Gepetto to see if he could help. Gepetto suggested he try a little sandpaper wherever indicated and Pinocchio skipped away enlightened.
A couple weeks later, Gepetto saw Pinocchio bouncing happily through town and asked him, "How's the girlfriend?"
Pinocchio replied, "Who needs a girlfriend?"
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LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD was walking through the woods when suddenly the Big Bad Wolf jumped out from behind a tree and, holding a sword to her throat, said, "Red, I'm going to screw your brains out!"
To that, Little Red Riding Hood calmly reached into her picnic basket and pulled out a 44 magnum and pointed it at him and said, "No, you're not. You're going to eat me, just like it says in the book."
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MICKEY MOUSE and MINNIE MOUSE were in divorce court and the judge said to Mickey, "You say here that your wife is crazy."
Mickey replied, "I didn't say she was crazy, I said she's f**king Goofy."
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SNOW WHITE saw Pinocchio walking through the woods so she ran up behind him, knocked him flat on his back, and then sat on his face crying, "Lie to me! Lie to me!"
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Did you know ... Captain Hook died from jock itch....
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One day, JANE met TARZAN in the jungle. She was very attracted to him and during her questions about his life she asked him how he engaged in sex.
"What's that?" he asked.
She explained to him what sex was and he said, "Oh, I use a hole in the trunk of a tree."
Horrified, she said, " Tarzan, you have it all wrong but I will show you how to do it properly." She took off her clothes, lay down on the ground and spread her legs. "Here," she said, "you must put it in here."
Tarzan removed his loincloth, stepped closer and then gave her an almighty kick in the crotch. Jane rolled around in agony. Eventually she managed to gasp, "What the hell did you do that for?"
"Just checking for bees," said Tarzan !!
Balance - God's Joke
God was missing for six days. Eventually, Michael, the Archangel , found her, resting on the seventh day.
He inquired of God, "Where have you been?"
God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction, and proudly pointed downward through the clouds.
"Look, Michael. Look what I've made."
Archangel Michael looked puzzled, and said, "What is it?"
"It's a planet," replied God, "and I've put Life on it.
I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a great place of balance."
"Balance?" inquired Michael, still confused.
God explained, pointing to different parts of earth. "For example, Western Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth, while Eastern Europe is going to be poor. Over there I've placed a continent of white people, and over there is a continent of black people. Balance in all things," God continued pointing to different countries. "This one will be extremely hot, while this one will be very cold and covered in ice."
The Archangel , impressed by God's work, then pointed to a land area and said, "What's that one?"
"Ah," said God, "That's Washington State , the most glorious place on earth. There are beautiful mountains, rivers and streams, lakes, forests, hills, and plains. The people from Washington State are going to be handsome, modest, intelligent, and humorous, and they are going to be found traveling the world.
They will be extremely sociable, hardworking, highachieving, and will be known throughout the world as diplomats and carriers of peace."
Michael gasped in wonder and admiration, but then proclaimed,
"What about balance, God? You said there would be balance."
God smiled, "There is another Washington .
It is on the other side of the country....
Wait until you see the IMBECILES I put there."
Nice! :D Thank you for sharing this!
I used the law of attraction in order to make life more like a comedy than like a drama, didn't I?
Cool. It seems to work really fast now! YEEEEEHAAAAAAAAA...
That is hysterical on so many levels. Hopefully one day soon God will take over again, Ashtar Command just aint cuttin it.
Thanks to both of you, Tertiusgautens and Marianinia.....It was wonderful to start my day with laughter in my heart. The original story is a riot and thanks Mari for the awesome link.
Hahahahaaaaaaaa!!! Really a good one!! Thank you for making my day, my friend!! <333