8110762893?profile=originalBy Luis R. Valadez

Love doesn’t make the world go round; love is what makes the ride worthwhile.~Shannon L. Alder

We all have a deep desire to find that one perfect person to spend the rest of our days with. That one person when we meet, you feel an uncontrollable desire and an illogical sense of familiarity with. As if you’ve known that person for a lifetime, or perhaps lifetimes. Whatever you want to call it, films and TV series alike have romanticized the phenomenon known as the soulmate. But what do we really know about the perfect mate or the ideal partner? Psychology is finally shedding light on the mystery that encapsulates so many hearts and minds around the world in an effort to understand what truly makes two people compatible for a relationship.

The Issue With Compatibility

Dating sites like OkCupid.com or chemistry.com boast about their in-depth personality tests and about how finding someone with similar answers to the questions you answer on the test, can result in finding the perfect mate.

Now this sounds very appealing for many different reasons. First, naturally you want to be with someone who shares the same values as you and perhaps even someone who enjoys similar activities like rock climbing. Secondly, it only seems logical to search for another person that also wants to raise children and begin a family someday. Lastly, we have such a yearning for love as social creatures, that we will convince ourselves of just about anything in order to fill the empty spots in our hearts.

All of these reasons, create quite the compelling case for compatibility sites but how well and how long do the relationships that have similar interests and quirks truly last?

Dr. Ted Hudson of the University of Texas, ran a longitudinal study of couples that had been married for years and in his research he found out something quite surprising. Dr. Ted Hudsons explains,

My research shows that there is no difference in the objective compatibility between those couples who are unhappy and those who are happy.

Dr. Ted Hudson went on to say that couples that are feeling content and warmth in their relationships said that compatibility wasn’t an issue for them. In fact, they were perfectly ok saying that it was them who made the relationship work not their personality compatibility. But when the unhappy couples were asked what they thought about compatibility, they all answered by saying that compatibility is extremely important to a marriage. And sadly, that they didn’t think they were compatible with their significant other. Which Dr. Ted Hudson explained that when the unhappy couples said, “We’re incompatible”they were truly meaning, “We don’t get along very well”.

That’s where the issue arises with compatibility, everyone who is unhappy naturally blames it on the facade of compatibility. They fail to realize and comprehend that a successful relationship does not hinge its posterity on how alike you are instead it hangs on by the sheer will power and want to stay in a relationship.

Finding A Mate To Spend A Lifetime With

So we know that building a relationship with another person is dependent on you and the other person. It has more or less nothing to do with compatibility. But if you cant depend on compatibility exams or some standard form of testing to find your ideal mate, then how do we do it?

John Gottman, the founder and director of the Relationship Research Institute in Seattle said that measures of personality are incapable of truly predicting the length or success of a relationship. John Gottmans Relationship Research Institute discovered that couples who focus their energy on building something meaningful together in their life, tend to last the longest. How a couple interacts is the single most fundamental aspect to creating a successful relationship. Meaning, its not who you are or what you do that will prolong or help you find the perfect mate. Its how you speak to each other, how well you get along, how much dreams you can envision together.

John Gottman went on to say, if your relationship or interest supports your life dreams. Your ideal partner will look up to you, admire you and view you through rose-colored lenses. Now this sounds ideal, but when you truly reflect on how you’ve always wanted to be treated —having someone who genuinely believes in your greatness, is paramount.

Don’t think it’s all just how we view one another however, a lot of the connection you feel with another person is emotional. Therefore you must be capable of responding to each other when you need something. Or as John Gottman said,

Does your partner turn toward you with equal enthusiasm? You need to ask questions and constantly update your knowledge of one another.

Final Thoughts On The Soulmate

If you truly are looking for love and want to find that person that you can spend the rest of your life with —then remember, that it is YOU who creates compatibility. There is no magic formula or perfect algorithm for making a fruitful relationship with another human being.

So next time, you spot someone who catches your attention and makes your pupils dilate with interest and enthusiasm, pay attention to whether or not they can see the dream you envisioned for your life. If they can share in your delight and can accept you for who you are today, not for who you can be tomorrow then you have found your soulmate.

About the author: Luis R. Valadez

As an Author and Life Coach, the two aspects in life I value most are: humanity and self-improvement. I make it my goal and life's work to illuminate the secrets of the mind and our potential to every thirsty man and woman. For when given water to grow, we humans prosper. Aside from my love of moving the human spirit -- I also research and rejoice in the fields of neuroscience, historical arts, and quantum mechanics.

You need to be a member of Ashtar Command - Spiritual Community to add comments!

Join Ashtar Command - Spiritual Community

Email me when people reply –

Replies

  • Very interesting post. I agree completely. Had my boyfriend had an OK Cupid profile, with all those details and that's how I was to choose him, it never would have happened. Our favorite music is almost completely different (though middle ground is shared), movie interests are polar opposites, and he's a good deal older than me. If all that info had been thrown out there to read, I could have skimmed right over him. Dating sites are useless unless your looking for a more "temporary" relationship. 

    I fully understand what people mean when they say, "You just know," because you do and it really is like you've known that person all your life. Our first date lasted 8 hours, as opposed to just dinner (which is what we planned). Sometimes when we tell stories, we forget we haven't been together all our lives lol.

    • I'm so happy you've found your soulmate, Terra! So many are still looking. As they say opposites attract.

      • Thank you :) Sometimes I can't help but wonder if looking isn't part of the problem. I found him completely by accident!

        • Whenever one of my children complains about not being able to find a mate I always tell them to stop looking...if they do that they'll find one before they know it. :)

This reply was deleted.

Sananda, One Who Serves and Shoshanna - THE GREAT AWAKENING IS NOW COMING TO A CONCLUSION via James McConnell

ANCIENT AWAKENINGS Sunday Call 3/27/2022 (Sananda, OWS, & Shoshanna)James & JoAnna McConnell THE GREAT AWAKENING IS NOW COMING TO A CONCLUSION Sananda and One Who Serves channeled by James McConnellShoshanna – Joanna’s Higher Self These messages…

Read more…
0 Replies
Views: 1513

Ashtar, One Who Serves and Shoshanna - YOU ARE CREATING YOUR NEW REALITY via James McConnell

ANCIENT AWAKENINGS  Sunday Call 3/20/2022 (Ashtar, OWS, & Shoshanna)James & JoAnna McConnell YOU ARE CREATING YOUR NEW REALITY Ashtar and One Who Serves channeled by James McConnellShoshanna – Joanna’s Higher Self These messages were given during…

Read more…
0 Replies
Views: 729

Copyright Policy: Always Include 30-50% of the source material and a link to the original article. You may not post, modify, distribute, or reproduce in any way any copyrighted material, trademarks, or other proprietary information belonging to others without obtaining the prior written consent of the owner of such proprietary rights. If you believe that someone's work has been copied and posted on Ashtar Command in a way that constitutes copyright infringement, please Contact Us and include the links to these pages and relevant info. 

Latest Activity

Drekx Omega commented on Movella's blog post Arcturian visitations ✨
"And of course, Movella received a stepped-down energy message from the Logos, via one of the six seraphim, named Kiwea, in turn passed on to Lord Aescapulus and his council of Nine, relayed out to the Solar logoic councils and Shamballa, the…"
6 minutes ago
Movella commented on Movella's blog post Arcturian visitations ✨
"(Also posted on Randy’s wall).. Randy intuited that I had been in contact with Lord Surea, which was in-fact true..

I have actually been in contact with Lord Surea for the first time recently.. Not directly, but I had a messaged relayed to him and…"
19 minutes ago
Justin89636 replied to Justin89636's discussion Anything Ufo Or Et Related
"Footage from only a year ago. Another sighting from our pilots. https://youtu.be/iT9BtWCBbic?si=_jWKp24Qu1SzrIjT"
46 minutes ago
Justin89636 left a comment on Comment Wall
"Footage from only a year ago. Another sighting from our pilots. https://youtu.be/iT9BtWCBbic?si=_jWKp24Qu1SzrIjT"
49 minutes ago
Movella replied to AlternateEarth's discussion “Leave the World Behind” movie about a grid down cyber apocalypse was ominously produced by Barack and Michelle Obama
"Yes exactly..😂"
57 minutes ago
Movella replied to AlternateEarth's discussion Weirdness at the Baltimore bridge collapse
"I believe that this was a planned event AE, and Biden is covering for the cabal.."
1 hour ago
Justin89636 replied to AlternateEarth's discussion “Leave the World Behind” movie about a grid down cyber apocalypse was ominously produced by Barack and Michelle Obama
"Yep definitely skip anything those two make. Watching paint dry would probably be more entertaining than anything the Obama's make if we are being honest :P"
1 hour ago
Movella commented on Movella's blog post Arcturian visitations ✨
"You’re very welcome friend and I’m happy to answer, you always come up with good questions.. Yes, I’m quite certain that you already have a Sirian/soul name, but it will be exciting when it’s revealed to you by your mentor.. ☺️✨"
1 hour ago
More…