Recycled humour (author's name lost in transit) ;oD
ONLY the ENGLISH could've INVENTED this LANGUAGE
We’ll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes,
But the plural of ox becomes oxen, not oxes.
One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,
Yet the plural of moose should never be meese.
You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice,
Yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.
If the plural of man is always called men,
Then shouldn’t the plural of pan be called pen?
If I speak of my foot and show you my feet,
And I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?
If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,
Why shouldn’t the plural of booth be called beeth?
Then one may be that, and three would be those,
Yet hat in the plural would never be hose,
And the plural of cat is cats, not cose.
We speak of a brother and also of brethren,
But though we say mother, we never say methren.
Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,
But imagine the feminine: she, shis and shim!
Let’s face it – English is a crazy language.
There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
English muffins weren’t invented in England ..
We take English for granted, but if we explore its paradoxes,
We find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
And why is it that writers write but fingers don’t finge,
grocers don’t groce and hammers don’t hamme?
Doesn’t it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend.
If you have a bunch of odds and ends
and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?
If teachers taught, why didn’t preachers praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
Sometimes I think all the folks who grew up speaking English should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.
In what other language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?
We ship by truck but send cargo by ship.
We have noses that run and feet that smell.
We park in a driveway and drive in a parkway.
And how can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out, and in which an alarm goes off by going on.
And, in closing, if Father is Pop, how come Mother’s not Mop?
I WOULD LIKE TO ADD THAT IF PEOPLE FROM POLAND ARE CALLED POLES THEN
PEOPLE FROM HOLLAND SHOULD BE HOLES AND THE GERMANS GERMS!!!
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Replies
Brain Teasers (recycled):
1. Johnny's mother had three children. The first child was named April.
The second child was named May. What was the third child's name?
2. There is a clerk at the butcher shop, he is five feet ten inches tall
and he wears size 13 sneakers. What does he weigh?
3. Before Mt. Everest was discovered, what was the highest mountain in the
world?
4. How much dirt is there in a hole that measures two feet by three feet
by four feet?
5. What word in the English Language is always spelled incorrectly?
6. Billy was born on December 28th, yet his birthday is always in the
summer. How is this possible?
7. In California, you cannot take a picture of a man with a
wooden leg. Why not?
8. What was the President's Name in 1975?
9. If you were running a race, and you passed the person in 2nd place,
what place would you be in now?
10. Which is correct to say, "The yolk of the egg are white" or "The yolk
of the egg is white"?
11. If a farmer has 5 haystacks in one field and 4 haystacks in the other
field, how many haystacks would he have if he combined them all in another
field?
Here are the Answers:
1. Johnny's mother had three children. The first child was named April.
The second child was named May. What was the third child's name?
Answer: Johnny, of course.
2. There is a clerk at the butcher shop, he is five feet ten inches tall,
and he wears size 13 sneakers. What does he weigh?
Answer: Meat.
3. Before Mt. Everest was discovered, what was the highest mountain in the
world?
Answer: Mt. Everest; it just wasn't discovered yet.
4. How much dirt is there in a hole that measures two feet by three feet
by four feet?
Answer: There is no dirt in a hole.
5. What word in the English Language is always spelled incorrectly?
Answer: incorrectly
6. Billy was born on December 28th, yet her birthday is always in the
summer. How is this possible?
Answer: Billy lives in the Southern Hemisphere.
7. In California, you cannot take a picture of a man with a wooden leg.
Why not?
Answer: You can't take pictures with a wooden leg. You need a camera to
take pictures.
8. What was the President's Name in 1975?
Answer: Same as is it now - Barack Obama.
9. If you were running a race, and you passed the person in 2nd place,
what place would you be in now?
Answer: You would be in 2nd. Well, you passed the person in second place,
not first.
10. Which is correct to say, "The yolk of the egg are white" or "The yolk
of the egg is white"?
Answer: Neither; the yolk of the egg is yellow.
11. If a farmer has 5 haystacks in one field and 4 haystacks in the other
field, how many haystacks would he have if he combined them all in another
field?
Answer: One. If he combines all of his haystacks, they all become one big
stack.
You can go back to sleep now ...
Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious, James!!!... Now, you got me more confused...
... And since you're well-acquainted with English etymology, what is Fowl Language; and can you give us some clear and concise examples of this language?
Marique, cuz wi haffta!