I also liked English, mainly because the teacher understood that I couldn't learn just by sitting and reading like most other people, I couldn't concentrate, I needed someone to be there reading with me, being creative expressing what they thought to keep me going, music a video, just something else to keep me on track (if you will). He helped me a lot, though I learnt better alone after school, I still thank him a lot, for helping me through what was a difficult time.
Then my R.E teacher, he was a teacher that you really, want in every lesson.. But at the same time appreciate that you only have him in this one, if you didn't want to par-take he didn't mind aslong as you didn't distract others, and he made things fun, he didn't just tell you what things was, he made us discuss things and maybe why they where like that. I remember more often then not I didn't par-take, but in my current state.. I would probably take part in everyone, but that was 6 years ago now and when you are younger well.. You sorta try to "merge" to some degree to those around you, no matter who you are. So if my friends didn't want to take in, I wouldn't. Ofcourse, that's changed now, but I am happy I got to experience the other side while I was in school.
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Around two years ago, I was fired from my line of work because apparently I was slow, I was more happy to making sure the customers got the service they deserved and I never wanted to sound like a robot, so I never used pre-macro'd answers from the company. (I worked for a Service Provider in England called Plusnet, I worked in the provisions department where we set up orders for installation and line transfers for service lines.) - I didn't really care about what the company set for "targets".. I saw it as a flawed system and still do.
This did cut into me a bit, and eventually I stopped meditating all together, even though before that it was just an on and off thing that I would meditate, from then I had trouble getting work again, no matter what I tried.. I eventually started to get into a few online games, I made and lost friends during this time. Also, I was detached from most of my emotions, I suppose they would happen, but I just wouldn't "feel" them, hope that makes sense. This made some people I know online rather frustrated with me, since I seemed to never relate with them, now I understand why but back then I didn't, I just thought they were being fussy and maybe trying to change me. I guess in some ways I had over the years from school, I had created my own heavy iron bubble (if you will).
Then we get to now, but it won't make sense till I describe the events of a week ago.
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A week ago, I stumbled across a Spirit Science video it was strange, I was watching I think an animation video from someone, and to the side I saw a video about a theory on 9/11, I clicked it and to the side I saw a Spirit Science video (12_2 I think..).. I can't remember though, but I clicked it.. Watched it and really enjoyed it, it appealed to me on so many levels, I suddenly wanted to meditate..
When I ended my meditation.. My WHOLE reality changed.. Instantly the moment I opened my eyes, I felt a burst of excitement, anticipation and love. A few days later I did something I hadn't done in years, I picked up a piece of paper and some pencils and I began to express myself, my parents where surprised.
I suddenly wanted to spend time with them, with the rest of my family and my little brother (who.. I actually treasure more then anything in the world.) and also my grand-mother (she prefers us to call her nan-nan). My nan-nan, is spiritual to some degree, not as much as some of us, but she does believe in Guardian Angles a whole lot, and she's fascinated with crystals.
And now I'm writing a journal it contains my thoughts on the current world, to every little detail of my spiritual journey and how I feel about what's going on at times. I started this for many reasons, mainly because I want to. Secondly, I wanted to show my nan-nan, when I stay with her for a full day (which is next week) how her eldest grandson has changed, how in one instant he shifted from this cold rock that sheltered itself, to this beautiful bird that spreads it's wings and flies in many directions, and sings to the call of it's emotions. I figure she'll be happy, my nan-nan has been with me since the day of my birth along with my mother. But I feel as if my mother and step-father are yet to open upto spirituality, so it will be quite awhile before I show them my spiritual journal, oh and the final reason.. If something happens to me in this life time which means I have to leave this existence on my own or against my will. I wanted my little brother to have something that was a expression of his older brother in every form, from personality to beliefs (everything!).
When with my brother I often find myself whispering the lessons to him which I have recently learnt, hoping they stick somewhere and he never makes them, but then I remember.. This is his experience, and I should just let things unfold. But I digress..
You wouldn't think it to see me (I'm a little over weight), but I enjoy walking around a lot, I never rush though and hardly pick up the pace, I'm happy to just stroll admiring things around me, especially in parks!
The awakening I had a week ago changed me so much, I'm still finding stuff now and again.. I have no desire to watch TV, or even play games. I just want to create, learn and love.. Yeah, that's it.
On a final note, I'm very glad to have ran into this community, I'm so happy and honored to an amount I can't express to be a part of it, and meet you all. I just hope more and more people open up to this way of being, because it truly is beautiful.
I wish you all! Love & Light, and hope overtime we become friends and create.. Together.
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