My Death and Beyond - An Odyssey of My Deepest Spiritual Experiences
‘Those who were seen dancing were thought insane by those who couldn’t hear the music.’ - Friedrich Nietzsche
The first chapter of this odyssey must remain shrouded in mystery, out of respect for a certain xenophobic entities privacy, and for the safety of my readers, who may otherwise fall into the same trap that befell me. Therefore, I cannot recount the circumstances that lead to my death. I will thus begin this account immediately after my death, which occurred around April, 2012.
At the beginning of a dream, I received the information - not the experience - that I had been forced (completely controlled) to commit a murder. Apparently, I killed Jerry, the weekend staff, with multiple stabs from a butcher knife, then killed myself by the same means. Be clear of my innocence: it was completely beyond my control!
After I received the information concerning that event (not the actual memory, which lies buried in my subconscious), I found myself on a lawn at night with a group of people, mostly adult males sitting on picnic-benches!! A large moon was hanging in the sky. It was exactly like an astral projection dream, except that I knew that I'd 'died'. I thought, "Oh, shit!" Haha! The people there (there were about forty-five, mostly older men) told me that they we're prisoners; a certain unspecified entity ate them, they were his food!!
I endeavored to secure our release through telepathic communication with that entity. My kindness hurt and shamed him, until he eventually released me. The others are probably still there - if they haven’t been devoured!!
Next, I found myself beginning an ordinary dream. After a few seconds, I realized I could astral project, so I asked to return to my bedroom (you ask your Heavenly Father to take you around). I immediately found myself there, but on the astral plane - I couldn't find my physical body!! I had no idea where it was!! I was (and am) in my astral body!! Actually, my physical body has returned to the four elements, back in the waking-world. I felt somewhat surprised by these experiences, but at peace, as I usually am - it was amazing, and very interesting!
There is a method for determining whether or not you're on the astral plane (I'll call it the dream-world). You take a little leap. If you float, you're in the dream-world. But, the interesting thing, which I've experienced many times in astral dreams rooted back in the waking-world, is that, although you float in your feelings, your physical feet remain on the ground. I immediately went out for a smoke, which caused me to choke and gag terribly; the astral body is far more sensitive. I also experienced some dream-world phenomenon, such as watching my picture of the Dalai Lama change before my very eyes, again as I experienced in previous dreams, and levitating a bit, though my physical feet remained on the ground. But, I decided that I'd like to experience things as normally as possible, and it was granted by my Heavenly Father. I've even gotten used to smoking!
As I've tried (unsuccessfully) to indicate, different people experience different phenomenon after 'death' (which, by the way, doesn't exist!!). The only common denominator is that these experiences occur in the dream-world!! Some people enter Heaven or Hell almost immediately. Others, such as lethargic people (like Jon), fall into a deep sleep. Still others, such as Christians (like Dad), meet Jesus. The determinant factor is whatever the person requires. Since I was in Heaven on Earth even before my death, this has continued. But, all people, sooner or later, dream of their previous life. I'm told (Emanuel Swedenborg) that this dream-of-life stage can last up to thirty years. Harold Percival, author of, 'Thinking and Destiny', calls the dream-of-life stage the first of eleven stages you pass through between death and rebirth, the twelfth being life itself. It was certainly my first experience after death!
For a detailed description of the afterlife according to Harold Percival read, ‘Thinking and Destiny’, Chapter 6 - Psychic Destiny (Section 21), page 233, found online at www.wordfoundation.com, and see below (page 7). Also recommended is Emanuel Swedenborg’s, ‘Heaven and Hell: From Things Seen and Heard’.
It suddenly occurred to me that my loved ones in the waking-world would be concerned that I'd committed a murder, when they awoke, as I conceived it. Fortunately, I was able to send a telepathic message, entering the dreams of Steph and Lisa (in the waking-world) while they slept. I told them, "I'm OK! I'm OK!", "ET made me do it!", "Everything’s fine!", etc. I tried to enter mom's dream, but she was too tired. Then I tried to enter Jon's dream, but he's so lethargic that I gave him a bad sleep - he was trying to push me away, tossing and turning, saying, "Leave me alone!" I didn't even bother with dad! I telepathically commanded Steph and Lisa to wake up and record this message, that it may not be lost, and they did. Fortunately, I was able to send these messages before people learned of the murders. I infer this because their sleep, when I entered their dreams, was peaceful.
Ever since my death, I've been able to sense the emotional state of my loved ones in the waking-world - your physical doubles - and, to a certain extent, their thoughts. They're doing ok now. There was, alas, a twenty minute period when mom thought I'd committed an intentional murder (perhaps she couldn't believe my telepathic explanation?) - she felt as bad as if she'd done it herself. Such compassion!! Most of my family is fairly secure in their knowledge of my innocence. At least, that‘s their working theory. Of all people, mom took my death best, due to her philosophical outlook - but the poor dear is sooo tired! She had long periods of deep sorrow, unfortunately. Incidentally, that is a completely wrong response! As Chief Seattle said, "You don't die, you just change worlds." From the waking-world to the dream-world!! He somehow knew!! Lisa took it worse than mom; mom's helping her somewhat effectively. The ones who took it worst were dad and Dr. Pankratz. To this day, dad's scared that I'll fry in Hell for eternity - that in fact I'm already there (he‘s a narrow-minded fundamentalist Christian). Dr. Pankratz can't understand what happened. He's baffled and was deeply grieved - poor soul!! I sometimes breath love to these suffering people, and for a while, their suffering provoked anxiety, but they're doing better now. Peoples understanding of death and its significance is shockingly primitive!! They think it means separation, when in fact it means the precise opposite: union in the Spirit World, which is a much more real and vivid place! The Native North Americans rightly said that, "Dreams are more real than death or battle."
To ensure that no one panic when they learned of the murder (poor Jerry had a short fuse!), I thought I could call you guys on the phone, because, being in the dream-world, I thought you also were dreamers. But, the fact of the matter is that you are responding exactly as you should - as you would if this were the waking-world. How else could I 'dream-of-life'?
First, I called mom. She could immediately tell that something was afoot, and said, "You sound strange today." It's too complicated to explain why I sounded strange. I tried to gently suggest that, when she woke up, she’d hear some bad news. I told her she was dreaming, but just didn’t realize it! She responded with such loving-kindness that it sounded like she accepted my statement as truth. Isn’t she fantastic?
Then I called Lisa. If I remember correctly, she’d been having bad sleep. The conversation did not go well. She said, “It sounds like you’re saying good-bye.” The poor dear loves me dearly! I called mom again. I think she suggested that I speak with the staff (I live in a psychiatric group-home).
Around 9 or 10am, my caseworker Jebb dropped by. He said my mom called him, and was very concerned. He asked, “What’s up?” I told him everything. I should have kept my mouth shut, as you will see, but I’m very honest and upfront, and couldn’t imagine not telling the truth - it never crossed my mind. Of course, he was very concerned, and asked if I would see Dr. Chermansen that afternoon. I politely agreed, though I was in no distress.
Another interesting experience: around 1pm, as I sat on the balcony enjoying Buddhist poetry (‘A Guide to the Bodhisattvas Way Of Life‘, highly recommended), I was presented with a choice. I could either return to the waking-world, or let go and die. I scanned the waking-world in my minds eye, and thought of my loved ones. But, I could not go back there, not even for them. I realized that the waking-world is no place for someone as beautiful as me. I uttered the words, “I choose death”. At that moment, the silver cord connecting my astral body and physical body was severed, and I truly died. From that moment on, I could not return to the waking-world.
I began to reflect upon my death and its meaning. I think I died because I’d accomplished as much as possible in this incarnation. I’d reached a point where, due to the extreme power of my emotional life, to remain here would be a living hell. That’s why I thought, “The waking-world is no place for someone as beautiful as me.” I also believe that my karma is too good for me to remain on Earth through the End-Times. I think I attracted my death for these reasons. Of course, this is only speculation!
At a quarter to two, I was scheduled for volunteer work at Maplewood Farm. When my ride arrived, I decided to go and have a ‘final’ visit with my beloved animal friends (I’d decided to spend two weeks in the dream-of-life stage). I had a beautiful, peaceful, wonderful visit with the animals: I was at peace with all things. I sighed to my house-mate Mike, who happens to be a terribly egoistic person, “I think the ego just needs a little love.” I was even at peace with him, though his presence usually caused me psychic pain. Before departing, I said to the animals, “See you later!” It was beautiful, and not at all an occasion for sadness. More like going around the corner to 7-11 on a sunny day.
When I arrived home, Jebb came by and took me to CPS to see Dr. Chermansen (a psychiatrist). I told him how I’d died. He said I wasn’t making sense, and had me committed to the psych ward at Lion’s Gate Hospital, where I politely went. In retrospect, I was far too honest! If I’d kept my mouth shut, I’d be off the meds I find so detrimental by now!
Let me tell you, it’s a shock for a sensitive soul to arrive at an acute psych ward! The patients are generally extremely immature. The nurses were also overworked, stressed and often cross with their charges. But, I gradually grew accustomed to my new environment. I began to feel a great compassion for all those tortured souls, and was able to help considerably. There’s also a beautiful black piano there, and I’m a composer! Smokes were contraband! Furthermore, the humorous aspect of my predicament was not lost to me! I called my mom a few times, and told her about the severing of my silver cord, and such. She’s always sooo supportive of me!
It’s a rather dangerous environment in the psych ward. At one point, a colored man told me, “I’m a blond haired, blue-eyed, card carrying Nazi.” I said, “Ok!” with perfect equanimity, which pissed him off, because he was trying to intimidate me. He glared at me icily ever after - he hated me! There was an elderly woman who talked a mile-a-minute; I think she needed to talk for decades. Another guy asked me why I spoke with such a lilting voice. There was a cute young woman there, Victoria, who suddenly asked me if she could kiss me. I agreed. At one point, a young man asked me, “Are you real?” I replied, “That’s a complicated question, my friend.” and smiled. To which he replied, “From your point of view, right?” “Yeahhh!”
I told the on-duty psychiatrist, Dr. Lym, some of my story. There’s no therapy on the psych ward, only medication and a strict regime. I clearly demonstrated that I was completely lucid, at peace, and no danger to myself or others.
After a while, I decided to lie through my teeth to get discharged. I wanted to enjoy my final two weeks in freedom upon this beautiful Earth, and it was spring. I called my mom and said that my experience was just a dream. I said that the severing of my silver cord was just an inner experience I’d not yet understood. I said, “I knew this all along, but I didn’t know I knew.” Pretty clever, eh? I think she believed me. Later I bethought myself, and decided to tell the truth, and remain at the mad-house. It was an important lesson. Incidentally, that two weeks has turned, through no volition of my own, to an indefinite period - very fortunately, since I’m perfectly happy with my life!
After a few days, Dr. Lym, realizing my harmlessness and lucid rationality, decided to release me. He said that, as long as those things were true, what I believed was no one else’s business. I was surprised and very impressed. I told him that was a very enlightened attitude. We parted good friends.
The next day, I had an appointment with my actual psychiatrist, Dr. Pankratz. I didn’t trust him; I thought he’d readmit me, or pump me full of medication, so I called his secretary and left a terse message with barely suppressed anger, “You can cancel my appointment with the doctor. If he wants to know why, tell him I don’t have any concerns. Thank-you.” Then I hung up - click! A while later, he phoned back. I picked up the phone and asked severely, “How are you?” He was surprised, never having seen me wrathful, and defensively squeaked, “Ok.” He said he wanted to see me, so I said, “Ok.”
This is what I planned to say at our appointment: “I didn’t want to see you because I don’t trust you. I thought you’d readmit me, or pump me full of medication. I don’t think you’re an ignorant person. Whether you are an ignorant person or not depends on how you treat me here and now. But I’m tired of being brutalized by ignorant people. Do you understand?”
As it turned out, I was in a fantastic mood when I saw him - there‘s something about a beautiful spring day. CPS staff-member Arthur drove me over. I went in slurping a Slurpie, and exclaimed, “You wouldn’t believe the experiences I’ve been having!” In that appointment, I’ve never seen the doctor smile and laugh so much. He said, “I’m not even going to try…” (to convince me I’m deluded). I told him that he could get very famous through my case. He said, “Ride on your coat-tails, right?” (which wasn’t exactly what I meant) and smiled at Arthur. He increased my Clozapine by one pill - to four/day from three/day. So I was taking 10 pills a day altogether - an outrageous amount!! Worse still, he had planned to increase them from three Clozapine to seven/day!! (that would have been 13 pills/day.
Four days later, the meds kicked in. I felt far more horrible than even before, which was already very bad. I became extremely suicidal, and lost the will to do anything! I just lay in bed, suffering greatly. Such are the wonders of modern medicine!! I spent the entire summer in that condition, until the extra pill was removed from my prescription. If he’d increased them by four, I might be dead right now!! Incidentally, the dramatic change with just one pill indicates that the medication effects me far more adversely than I’d realized, having been on them for twenty-three years. So the summer passed with little happiness.
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A week or two after the med increase, I told Dr. Pankratz much of this story, but quit after I started to feel like I was digging my own grave. Why do I express these things? If I’d kept my mouth shut, he never would have known anything!! Leaving aside our struggle, I’ll proceed with my story.
Several months after my death, I had an astral projection dream (we have them all the time) in which I met the family that I’ll soon be born into. I’ve lost my record, but will remember what I can. First, I must mention that, before this dream turned astral, I dreamed of being told that I’ve been on the wrong track in life (accepting everything), and then the world was destroyed by flood - a tsunami coming over the mountains. When the astral projection began, I saw a square three-storey wooden mansion by the sea - from above. It seemed to be in a wooded area. It was evening, and I saw what looked like clear (transparent) oil slicks on the water, which made me suspect that there will still be environmental problems in my next life - until I realized that the ocean sometimes does that naturally. I liked the house; it dreamed well. Then, I entered the physical (waking-world) body of a female toddler, perhaps of age three. Understand, I believe, along with H. Percival (author of, ‘Thinking and Destiny’), that the spirit enters the body, not at birth, nor even conception, but rather at the moment the child begins to ask questions. I saw my new mother, she was beautiful, and my father standing at a distance. I have a six (?) year old sister and a four (?) year old brother. Everyone looked so lovely and happy! It was a very peaceful house. My mother was extremely calm and graceful. I’m looking forward to a very happy childhood - hopefully school won’t be too traumatic! As far as I can remember, I wiggled an arm, and my sister made an exclamation. Then I tried to say something like “Hi!”(?), and everybody was amazed. Whatever I said (I can’t remember), it was heard only as gibberish - baby-talk! But, whatever you do as a toddler, like moving your arm, people think you’re a spiritual giant! There was a volleyball, with words in various languages written on it. I tried to point to the word, ‘English’, and I think everyone was amazed.
But, all the while, my mind was disturbed by the possibility that I’ve been on the wrong track in life. I’ve spent a few years breathing in the suffering of others, and breathing out my happiness. So, when I first began to question my environment, and looked into my mothers face, my face had no affect, because I wasn’t happy. I might have disappointed them; they were concerned and considered taking me to the hospital. Then I woke up.
I was still trying to think through my problem, so I went out for a smoke, then returned to bed. I fell asleep almost immediately. I immediately found myself back in that mansion, with my new family, but things gradually became increasingly hellish - a reflection of my disturbed mind. There were a few strangers in the house; one was smoking. My new brother tried to stick his finger up my anus. All the while I was sinking into a hell; my brother began to look demoniac. I was still patiently thinking through my problem, and considered asking my brother, “Should we not accept one another?” Then I awoke. But, this experience was not traumatic, because it was only the reflection of a baseless disturbance.
Several months later, I had another massive OBE. Sinead O’Connor was playing throughout, because I had her on in the ‘Waking World’ (relative to this dream). I again visited, as a female toddler, the family of my next incarnation (but perhaps in the dream-world?). This is the same family I met before. Everyone was wise and happy. My dad gave me a gift - a little teak wooden box, with an inscription inside that said something like, ‘You’re so loveable, despite your grumpiness.’ I held it up to the light to read it; dad was surprised, but didn‘t quite grasp that I could read. There were many children’s toys in one room. The house was lovely and very well-to-do. For example, there were two TV’s in a cabinet, both playing on the same channel simultaneously. I went looking for a piano, and explored the house. People smiled at me, including my young sister and a wizened grandmother (?).
Everyone was very beautiful - except me. I had a monstrously deformed face, with a massive arcing nose over four inches long - that‘s over four inches for a toddler. At one point, a visitor remarked, “Oh, he’s so adorable, even with the…” When someone else mentioned my nose, I went looking for a mirror. I saw myself in a reflective surface (a glass cabinet door). I was horrified! I shouted, “What’s wrong with my nose?” in baby-talk. People were surprised, then dad said, “No, it’s good.” I also remember throwing something on the ground.
Then, we were traveling through a quaint town in a vehicle; I was looking at the sights with great interest and excitement. We sat with a group of people. I began to shout about my nose, and dad said, “Shhh! We’re in church now.” I immediately became passive.
I suddenly realized that my nose must be from bad karma. I got nervous, thinking perhaps I’ve been wayward in my thinking (accepting Everything) for a long time. When I started to panic, I woke up.
There was a third dream, where I found myself in Hell. I’d seen that place twice before: once in a meditation, the other in a previous astral dream of little relevance (that time, I also remembered that I‘d encountered the ‘horned, cloven-footed One‘ a lifetime ago). This Hell was what I call, ‘The Hell of Ugly Death’. It’s a chaotic mass of amorphous entities - dead humans - who were so conformist in their past life that they have now lost all physical coherence. They flow together like a shoreless sea, moaning things like, “Where am I?” and, “What’s happening to me?” It’s also possible that I was physically there, although I find that hard to explain. Notice that this Hell is diametrically opposite to Heaven. Heaven is orderly, beautiful, and Immortal.
According to Percival, ‘Hell - Judgment - Separation from gross desires’ is the second after-death stage (No. 3, below). I will now present the, ‘Twelve Stages of Life and Death’, according to Percival:
1. Life of physical body section (Waking-world)
2. After death dream of life section
3. Judgment. Hell. Separation from gross desires section
4. Separation from lower thought section
5. Purification of breath-form (Soul) section
6. Purified breath-form section
7. Composite happiness section (Heaven)
8. Peaceful rest section
9. Thought of life section
10. Embryonic life section (First three months of intra-uterine life)
11. Placental life section (Second three months)
12. Form of human body of sex section (Third three months)
So far, sections 1, 2, and 3 seem to be coming in timely fashion. Incidentally, ‘Thinking and Destiny’ is my favorite book. It contains fascinating information unavailable elsewhere.
I have nothing to fear from ‘Hell’. It’s only a manifestation of my own subconscious mind. On the contrary, I find it interesting, and I’ll certainly be able to help the beings lost there. I’m at peace in Hell.
There was recently a fourth dream, astral in nature, which I will now describe.
Astral Projection Dream Number Thirty-five - Tuesday, March 26, during a nap.
Past life, present life, future life. I relived portions of a past life in medieval Europe. I was a bad composer (good for that era), wealthy yet miserly, who promoted hateful political opinions designed to cause suffering to unfortunates. I was a good reader and writer, also of poetry. I wrote hate propaganda; it was published. I think I had three children. I emigrated to the west coast of BC later in life. I felt no negative emotional consequences for my actions in that life.
I remember dim rooms with torches/lanterns, with family and other people in them, lined with shelves of books. I wore grey fuzzy sideburns and dressed in archaic leather cloths. I saw the literature I published, but can’t remember it - although I tried hard! I didn’t think much! I was fluent in English. This was about two (?) centuries ago, perhaps 1760.
Remember that, in 1760, my archaic belief-system was normal; it was a happy life.
I dreamed again that the present world, or my part of it, will be destroyed suddenly by flood-water; a tsunami coming over the mountains.
I dreamed of a sophisticated music writing computer program - the future, I think - and heard some good compositions I wrote which sounded pleasing. The software involved filling in colors in a 2d representation of a 3d geometrical structure on a computer screen.
This whole experience was like being on an incredible drug, maybe like DMT! I had no idea I was so bad in my past life. I’m glad I had a chance to undo some of my karma! The modern mind-set has progressed far since the eighteenth century: everything then was so archaic! It’s good to be philosophical about hardship: whenever you suffer without knowing why, the cause is always in the past!
I don’t think this past life was my most recent, because I hypothesize that a persons gender alternates from life to life. But who was I last time around?? I’ve also read Rudolf Steiner, ‘The Inner Nature of Man’, who says that reincarnations skip forward a century or two, to give the incarnating soul a completely new learning environment, and that the newly incarnated immediately forget their past lives because the new one is so vivid and real.
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Further installments are surely forthcoming!!! Please be sure to comment in utter freedom - if you think I'm mad, I'll just laugh at you!! I want to know what you REALLY think!! Have I blown any minds?? The Spirit World is here, now!! Can you trace my logic??
Sincerely,
LightoftheWorld