Spiritual Forum

I would like to introduce myself before I come to my point. My name is Vleer, ever since I was a child I have had a feeling of not belonging here and always felt very limited in this reality, I even tried to commit suicide when I was 12 and when I was 15. Now I am 29 and haven't been suicidal in years through acceptance of the now. I know my true power is Love and that I am Love and I am a very happy person but even though I know the Light and how overwhelming, beautiful and peaceful it is I still have a fascination and affiliation with the so called "dark"side. I do not enter it with fear but with love, and I get angry at entities entering my space with negativity and tell them to just come back when they have lifting their "spirits" so to speak. I feel a kinship with them. During a meditation a couple of days ago I heard  my voice in my head clearly stating that "I am a Shape shifter" and seeing in my minds eye ( dare I say it ) a female reptilian face. This shocked me right out of my meditation, but not out of fear but because it was so darn clear. Just for the record I do not know if I have actually had a reptilian experience but they do signify a big part of my life. I love them. As a child I looked at dinosaurs and the like with a feeling of being in love, but I digress.

I've been having the most outrageous dreams/memories lately.  Last nights dream left such an impression that it made me post this discussion (which I would normally not do because I am very private) Anyway in the dream I was a man ( in "real life I am female) that entered a sacred female coven (I guess) during a ritual the sacred feminine spirit entered the space, which was an abandoned restaurant, it was a giant face entering through the door and as soon as it entered it looked at me knowing I was not female, it exited again and though the door opening I saw a huge figure, then a tentacle grabbed me and pulled me outside. I could actually feel the tentacle grabbing me around my waist, gentle but firm. The face of the spirit was now covered, like mummy. The only thing I could feel was an overwhelming feeling of wanting to be merged with the spirit. The spirit was angered and it pushed its face on my body and it felt like bones that were lose on a face under the wrappings. And in a split second I was back inside the space and I could here the man ( how was also me ) screaming and the sound of bones being crushed. In my dream I felt my chest to feel if I had breast to verify me being a female again. The Spirit entered again like a pissed of elderly woman. She came up to me and called me Grandmother. The dream continued and I was at my high school during its annual Halloween party. A lot of stuff happened like walking though a maze that was my old high school etc etc, but at the end of the dream I was sitting outside with some friends and a love interest just enjoying each others company when I saw a space ship, I pointed it out to my love interest but he couldn´t see it only untill it was right above us.  It had an organic triangular shape and I could see though it. It very much reminded me of gyroscopes. When it was hovering right above us it emitted this strange frequency in a sequence. It felt as though it was scanning us, first I felt fear then as I said the words "my God" I accepted what was coming and then I woke up. It was 5:45 am when I looked at the clock.

I have also been having a lot of dreams about werewolves, being one, hunting them and saving other people from them. In my werewolf dreams I always have some sort of Native American kinship. In my last one, saving the people from the werewolves I was called granddaughter by a chieftain. And again the kinship with the predators, no fear but longing and fascination is all I felt.

To be honest it feels good sharing this and I was hoping you could give me some advice or similar stories because I need to know what is going on.

 Thank you.