Spiritual Forum

Replies

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  Jazmin March 1, 2010 at 6:18am

  THE PHILOSOPHY OF AMBIGUITY (uncertainty or inexactness of meaning in language)
  by an Inquisitive Person
  
  If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
  
  Is there another word for synonym?
  
  Where do forest rangers go to “get away from it all”?
  
  What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
  
  If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
  
  Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
  
  Why do they lock petrol station toilets? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
  
  If a turtle doesn’t have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
  
  Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
  
  If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
  
  How do they get koalas to cross the road only at those road signs?
  
  What was the best thing before sliced bread?
  
  One nice thing about egotists: they don’t talk about other people.
  
  Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
  
  How is it possible to have a civil war?
  
  If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?
  
  If you ate both pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?
  
  If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
  
  Whose cruel idea was it for the word ‘lisp’ to have ‘s’ in it?
  
  Why are hemorrhoids called “hemorrhoids” instead of “assteroids”?
  
  Why is it called tourist season if we can’t shoot at them?
  
  Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
  
  If an oriental person spins in a circle three times, do they become disoriented?
  
  Can an atheist get insurance against acts of god?
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  Jazmin February 2, 2010 at 1:04am

  'SEX' & 'RELIGION'
  
  A cabbie picks up a Nun.
  
  She gets into the cab, and notices that the VERY handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her.
  
  She asks him why he is staring.
  
  He replies, "I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you."
  
  She answers, "My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive."
  
  "Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me."
  
  She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that:
  1, you have to be single, and 2, you must be Catholic."
  
  The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I'm single and Catholic!"
  
  "OK," the nun says. "Pull into the next alley."
  
  The nun fulfils his fantasy, with a kiss that would make a hooker blush.
  
  But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.
  
  "My dear child," says the nun, "why are you crying?"
  
  "Forgive me but I've sinned. I lied and I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish."
  
  The nun says, "That's OK. My name is Kevin and I'm going to a fancy dress party."
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  3rfl3nfqndi4s January 24, 2010 at 11:26pm

  Weeellll, I posted a response yesterday, and it "appears" that it has "disappeared". ;o) Barron, thanks so much for this. I laughed until I could hardly get my breath. What's better for us physically, mentally and emotionally than Truly hardy laughter. Thanks to Jazmin, also, for her funnies. Soooo refreshing to be able to laugh!!!
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  Jazmin January 24, 2010 at 12:41am

  C'EST LA VIE...
  
  A thief in Paris planned to steal some paintings from the Louvre.
  
  After careful planning, he got past security, stole the paintings, and made it safely to his van.
  
  However, he was captured only two blocks away when his van ran out of gas.
  
  When asked how he could mastermind such a crime and then make such an obvious error, he replied, "Monsieur, that is the reason I stole the paintings.'
  
  I had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh."
  
  
  :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-)
  
  See if you have De Gaulle to send this on to someone else.
  
  I sent it to you because I figured I had nothing Toulouse.
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  Jazmin January 16, 2010 at 1:50am

  NO NEED FOR "PLEASE EXPLAIN"...
  
  The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, "Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon."
  
  Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. "Good morning, Ma'am", he said, "I've come to..."
  
  "Oh, no need to explain," Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, "I've been expecting you."
  
  "Have you really?" said the photographer. "Well, that's good. Did you know babies are my specialty?"
  
  "Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat".
  
  After a moment she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?"
  
  "Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can really spread out there."
  
  "Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and me!"
  
  "Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results."
  
  "My, that's a lot!", gasped Mrs. Smith.
  
  "Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be In and Out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that."
  
  "Don't I know it," said Mrs. Smith quietly.
  
  The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus," he said.
  
  "Oh, my word!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.
  
  "And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with."
  
  "She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Smith.
  
  "Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look"
  
  "Four and five deep?" said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement.
  
  "Yes", the photographer replied. "And for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in."
  
  Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "Do you mean they actually chewed on your, uh...equipment?"
  
  "It's true, Ma'am, yes.. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away."
  
  "Tripod?"
  
  "Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big to be held in the hand very long."
  
  Mrs. Smith fainted.
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  Jazmin January 15, 2010 at 6:38am

  MORE W - O - R - D - S
  
  Physical Symptoms and Prognosis Then & Now:
  
  1. Skippy heartbeat when you think of him/her.
  Symptoms then: Love
  Prognosis now: Ventricular Fibrillation and Myocardial Infraction.
  
  2. Restless trembling of hands, feet and other body parts.
  Symptoms then: Love
  Prognosis now: Parkinson's Disease
  
  3. Constant smiling.
  Symptoms then: Love
  Prognosis now: Bell's Palsy
  
  4. Absent mindedness, inability to focus on tasks at work or at home.
  Symptoms then: Love
  Prognosis now: Early Onset of Alzheimer's Disease
  
  5. Weakening of knees and bursts of energy when he/she calls or comes over.
  Symptoms then: Love
  Prognosis now: Multiple Sclerosis
  
  6. Inability to stop thinking about him/her.
  Symptoms then: Love
  Prognosis now: Obsessive Compulsive Disorder
  
  7. Bruising on neck, and other tender areas.
  Symptoms then: Love
  Prognosis now: Leukemia
  
  8. Insomnia.
  Symptoms then: Love
  Prognosis now: Benign Prostatic Hyperplasia
  
  9. Feeling that you can smell/hear/feel him/her when not in his/her presence.
  Symptoms then: Love
  Prognosis now: Schizophrenia
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  Jazmin January 15, 2010 at 6:31am

  W - 0 - R - D - S
  
  On a beautiful summer's day, two English tourists were driving through Wales.
  
  At Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwyllllantysiliogogoch
  they stopped for lunch, and one of the tourists asked the waitress,
  
  "Before we order, I wonder if you could settle an argument for us. Can you pronounce where we are, very, very, very slowly?"
  
  The girl leaned over and said, "Burrrr … gurrrr … kiiiing."
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  Daytuner January 14, 2010 at 9:42pm

  Great humour, defenitely what i needed. Thanks dear Baron :)
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  ☼Petar▲Truthseeker January 13, 2010 at 11:31pm

  Hahahahaa...
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  Marion January 13, 2010 at 8:28pm

  Very funny, my husband and I had a good lough...
  Thanks for posting it, great to lighten up a bit...:)...:)!