This is just gonna be me having a moan. It's not fair. My love life is such a mess, I recentally had a little bit of a thing with one of my best friends. It's all very complicated but basically we cant be together because of the mission. I don't know if he's my soul mate or anything like that but there are so many sub-plots and stuff going on that it wouldn't suprise me if he is.
I've always had this programing in my head that says that I could never have him. But his guides kept telling him to come to see me, even though they must have known what we'd end up doing. So why let me have a taste of what I cant have? Why show me something so perfect that I could have for only 6 days? I know that there are probally very good reasons and in time I'll understand it all but that dosn't make me feel any better now.
I know that at any moment he can be sent on mission anywhere in the world and I don't want to hold him from that. I know that I've got important work to be doing and I can't neglect that. But if I knew that somewhere he was there and that our hearts where together then maybe it would make it a little easyer to bear. Instead I'm left in this odd limbo. We havn't talked about it maybe because we both know that in this life there just isn't the time.
Sorry for having a moan, this is the only place I can talk openly about stuff like this.
Happy
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