Spiritual Blogs

    June 23 1995, I became a Mrs. for the third and final time (if this one falls through I'm just gonna be a slut). My first marriage lasted 8 years before I divorced him. He was a drinker with anger problems and tended to be weird (weird to me anyway). He also got to where he would beat me up (slap me as he put it) and cheated on me, he even passed along venereal warts to me. Still he was my daughters father and I never kept him away. Later in my life I realized had I not been pregnant at 17 by him I would never have married him. I was stuck not in love. Yet I have 2 beautiful daughters so I would do it all again.

   My second husband was a mental abuser and cheated all the time. He played mind games with me and destroyed my ego (being my self image). It only took 3 years to oust him. Took considerably long to divorce him. I was planning to be a slut then but after praying the Lord brought me the other half of me (although he is the shorter half).
    I don't want to reveal names of the exes because then it becomes real, this way it's a story and those who can relate won't be seeing someone else, but their own life in the reflection of mine. So ex #1 we'll call the 7 minute cowboy, the second was the 12 minute cowboy and the love of my life is shorty.

     So cowboys 1 & 2 messed me up so bad I had no self image any more. Even pep talks to myself,  i.e. " Your Daddy would be ashamed of you, get up fight back, leave, walk away, your better then this" didn't work. I answered myself with " He should be ashamed, I'm worthless, my life sucks, poor me........BLAH,BLAH,BLAH"  I really didn't have much trust in God at the time. As miserable as I was I didn't have much faith in anything. Yet I cried on the night 12 minute cowboy walked out for another woman. He was gone maybe 2 weeks and his new girl saw me out and gave me a ride home. (WOW was that weird or what) any way she tell me I have to take him back, he's driving her nuts. All of a sudden something in me clicked and I thought " No I don't  ". So I told her " You picked up my garbage at my front door but don't bring it back."  I walked away feeling a little better about myself.   My friend said to make a list for what I wanted in a man, so I did. She said to pray over it and God would answer the letter or list. Not really having faith or any real reason to believe God cared anything about me. I did as she said anyway. So I prayed God this is what I need and if you can't give me this kinda man then please keep them because I just can't with-stand any more losers. On January 8, 1993 the Lord gave me shorty.                                                                                

     He help unburden me and I taught him to laugh and joke.We have been rebuilding what others tore up and gaining respect for ourselves and others for 20 years. We have fallen desperately deeper in love for all this time. Every bed of roses of course has it's thorns and our bed is no different but he is someone worth the small thorns and pricks that pop up.                                                                                                    I use to read Harlequin Romance novels as a teen, and thought " I'll know love because it would make me feel just like how I feel when I read romance." At 17 I got my first taste of passion and I was in Love (serious eye rolling here). Got pregnant, got married, discovered I barely liked the man I married but felt what was done was done , deal with it. Eight years later I came to the conclusion that we can't always deal with it.

      I've been married 3 times, but until I quit looking and Let God handle it I didn't get it right. What Shorty and I share wasn't born of passion or desperation but from a friendship and a place of respect. As much as he fixed me, I fixed him. It took me years to learn he really does love me and it took him years to learn not to lie to me. I can face anything as long as I'm actually facing it and not getting blindsided.

      So on this day in my time line I send up special thanks to God because He sent me the perfect man for me and the roses have never smelled sweeter. I hope everyone who wants it finds the other half of themselves. God Bless.

                                              Love Mel :)