The storey began when I was hairdressing in the North East of England back in 2004/2005. I'd been working in a barber for some time and knew all the other staff well.
I was out the back, in the staffroom one morning having a smoke. I’d been out the night before taking all sorts, so I felt pretty oven ready. I was quite stressed out as you can imagine. What happened next went on to cause me a lot of pain and suffering. Also in the room was the boss and the manager-ess, what they were talking about I'm unable to recall ,Then in bursts the bosses youngest daughter, she needed her nappy changeing.You know that old saying "there’s nothing to fear but fear itself" . Probably due to the large number of drugs that I had consumed the night before the whole situation made me feel unconfutable, for some people they don't even have to have taken the drugs and they feel unconfutable. Whilst the boss was doing the deed I for some reason stood up and confronted my fear by looking over at the young child going through the compromising situation. Then sat back down, the manager said to the boss he's not a peado is he. I naturally took offence and left the room.
I let the situation brew for a couple of days before confronting them both with my issue about the name calling and I dare say that would have been the end of it. Except for a work colleague that was always horrible to me, that I got sacked a few weeks after. And a very original punk haircut. Which was multi-coloured stripes down one side of my head with the other side nearly bald. It was very original, and I loved it.
I wasn’t at first aware that people were talking but when I realised they were I took no notice Infact I took a stance and maybe a stand with my original haircut and thought I would show people how I would stand up tall and took no notice ,in fact laughed at the gossips. Time went by and I took a job on as a traveling stylist and the hair remained. In the back of my head what the gossips had said had also remained. As over the year’s careers are ruined in hairdressing with such gossip. I took on a job where I was traveling all-round the north of England. My fear and the of the name calling had long disappeared.
I was was out partying one night in Leeds and I'd taken a lot of ecstasy. In passing a fellow party go'er said to me "do you know who you are?" Like I was somebody who was known. The only thing that had remained the same was the hair. I'd gone through a long period of taking drugs and had a thirst for more. Then the panic attacks started. It’s like that old saying again "There’s nothing to fear but fear itself!" A panic attack is like a wall of fear and fear in being misunderstood all rolled into one. It’s like walking a tightrope when you have them in public, it’s brutal and they were happening when I saw children aarrhh!
Towards the end of my journey there was a lot of hurt. I would wake up in the morning and it would be the first thing on my mind. I would rock back and forth without control. I was attacked by gangsters had prams in tandem, shunted towards me! It was all getting to much. All the time I was taking a lot of drugs and the haircut remained. It was like a war upon my very soul. But being a hairdresser and going through the young man war upon my sexuality that that initials, realising your sexuality is your choice. And I believe any interfering with kids is rape. so, I kept my hair firmly on my head.
I'd moved back to Crook where I was born, to open a salon, with a girl I had been working with. I was pretty much broken. I was staying in the flat above the shop that we we're buying. It was a Friday night and there were people partying in the pubs in the street where I was. They were shouting "I'm the fire starter" up at the window. I felt really threatened, so I phoned the local metal health hospital to pick me up in an ambulance. Explained the way I'd been getting panic attacks when I saw children and was admitted.
I felt like a great weight had been taken off my shoulders and settled in knowing that I had done the right thing seeking help. One evening I decided to play a game of scrabble. We were using 8 letters for some reason. The first letters that I picked spelt LOVE GOD blank. Which also spells LIVE GOOD, GOOD EVIL, GOD DEVIL, LOGOS, OLIVE, DOVE and many more. To this day I believe it was spiritual intervention. And began to follow the path of the earth angel (star seed). Which I had been called by a friend of a friend who was a spiritualist.
Over recent years I have done healings with cups of water which I asked Farther God to bless .Done spiritual art with the blessed cups a meteorite impact rain water when I believe there was a moon impact during the persiede meteor shower which I will also blog on this website. Programmed Crystals with the blessed cups. You could say that I truly LOVE GOD and have embraced the spiritual path totally.
Thank you for taking the time to read my blog God Bless Phil
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