I found out yesterday I had to cover at a site today.

I wasn't happy about it.

I don't like being told what to do.  I pretend I don't mind, but it drives me absolutely up the wall.

Of course, my super-conscience and sub-conscience were aware of this, but my conscious was very much trying to just put it aside and be positive.

But I wasn't feeling positive.  And why should I have to put it aside?  

I was feeling proud.  Why should I, someone who is capable of so much within this company's framework, be reduced to something as trivial as this kind of work!?

False Pride.  It's a tricky thing.   We all work so hard on the things we care about, I never want to see them taken from us, because we feel me might be left with nothing.  I felt like I was being reduced.

This is not the case, however.  I am needed at this time.  I accepted this job.  If I submit to false pride now, the karmic ripples, subtle or extreme, still reach out to the cosmos and attract those forces that will help you deal with them.

I just had a dream, and in my dream I had at least 3 or 4 authority figures in my current life talking behind my back, but not about anything that I shouldn't be able to share freely anyways (something to do with the physical location of where I was working).  I am hiding, apparently, and when I step out to become visible, everyone just kind of admits I'm there and carries on.  I retain anger, but I do not express it in a form to diffuse the situation.  I sputter facts, and reasons, and accountability or responsibility, when I should be asking these authority figures why I feel the way I do about accountability and responsibility.

I woke up frustrated.  Unsure as to why I would have a dream that caused me discomfort after so so so so so so many years (I never have bad dreams, or at least bad dreams that I acknowledge enough to confront head on like this instead of just setting it aside).  So instead of setting it aside this time, I reflected.

False Pride, by definition, stems from a fear that I will lose that which I am proud of.  You can never lose love, you can only fear it, and we should always be willing to work for what we love.  If the decisions we make in life reflect what we love, than we will never be able to question the decisions we make because we know we would choose no other option.

Resentment is a condition of false pride in that you are projecting the cause of that pride to others, instead of properly attributing it to myself and my fears.  I resented those authority figures for how I felt.  I release that resentment, and my false pride subsides to peace.  I love them for how they challenge me.  I need to be challenged to grow.

So, actually, my record is still intact- for this was indeed a good dream =)