I've been on my spiritual journey for about a good 3 years now.  Lately, I've been finding myself at a loss with my development...

Meditation has become more difficult.  I was once at a point where I could meditate and find my focus within a good thirty minutes, now I feel like something is keeping me from reaching this point.  (I am a mother of two children, but I wait until nap time or bedtime for meditation, however, even then, I may not be able to meditate...so I cannot do this daily like I would like to..)

Another thing is that I have been unable to remember my dreams, yet I will wake up once or twice in the night and I am tired nearly everytime I awake(whether my kids awaken me or I awaken naturally)

I am dealing with a situation in my life which is very similar to a situation I once caused with my parents -now, I feel that I am playing the role of my parent and the issue is a form of myself.  I have come to the conclusion that this has come because I need to learn another lesson from a situation of this nature- yet I have to play the role my parents played for me to learn this..

 

I believe I am a star child, so I believe that everything happens for a reason and every instance that occurs has a lesson for me to learn..but I feel that I am having difficulty speaking to my Higher Self.  I can't say I have before...but I would like to know how to call upon my guide and truly communicate with it.  I would like to know how any others began speaking to their guides.  How did you know it wasn't just in your mind?

 

One more thing is that I am quite confused about who I am and why I am here...

I had an average family as a young child, but as I grew, it seemed my parents wished for me to remain young so they unknowingly sheltered me from a lot of things.  Such as wearing what I want to express myself, listening to the music I wanted to because it was very different from what my family liked, etc.  Just trying to fit in, but realizing I was a black sheep in my family.  All the way down to my thoughts and how I comprehend things. 

At a young age, I was able to intellectually speak to my mother when my brother made bad decisions and upsetted her.  My brother was a troublemaker..was very negative towards my family and I..he bullied me from second grade up until I graduated.

I feel that my teenage rebellion was an outlet of all that bottled anger..

There's plenty more to that, but I don't want to put my whole life out there.

All in all, I had a difficult life.  Not in the way that we didn't have our necessities, but in the way that there was no acceptance, and if there was, it was masked acceptance.

Things just seem to continue to spiral for me.  Be it with friends or with family, and my body has been feeling very stressed or drained unless I sit outside and watch the wind, the trees, and the sky. 

I'm wondering if anyone else is experiencing constant difficulties in their lives that continually cause them to wonder why they are here on Earth.

When I feel that way, I do ask, "Why am I here?  Why do I have to experience this?" but I then begin to feel a Will growing in the center of my body.  Perhaps a light of some sort, that tells me I am here observing, here to find the answers to Light, Love, and Peace.

Is this just my mind?  Or is this my soul refusing to give up?

 

Thanks to everyone~

Light, Love, and Peace to all.

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  • When i cant focus enough to meditate i do a guided visualization meditation .. it helps me stay focused .,heres one to help connect with higher self.

  • there are so many seeds planted in the realm of mama earth and papa universe ; each so different and diverse. Each goes through a different path. yet, each is individual experience that only self knows not bunch of strangers punching  words for the internet site's members to read. It is personal journey , like it or not. Energies are high and somewhat new for many, and ,lets say, every personal experience is not what it used to be; I tend to think it is more intesified.

    I for one have yrs of experience in this field and , yet, find it quite new and challenging with everything happening today.

    Even though things are bit different today that they were , lets say, 20 yrs ago I am trying to have fun with it, to learn from it and take the best what my intuition tells me.

    I would , still, listen to my self and not panic but learn from experience and implement changes that could help; what ever they are.................

    experiment with what might help.................if that can help anything.

  • Thank you so much for your input, Mayir.

     

    I fully agree with everything you've said and I will definitely keep it all in mind.  What you've said has renewed my motivation! 

     

    Love, Light, and Peace to you, dear friend~

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