I feel like I keep repeating myself. Day in and day out, my thoughts are trapped in the same motion. I strongly desire something more form life, but I’m unsure what it is or even how to achieve it. I know that things are supposedly “happening” and have been “happening” for awhile, but sometimes it is so hard to continue day to day hoping for some giant leap into unbridled and amazing change. Am I naïve, am I too young to understand the world? Have the supposed events that lead me to this new form of thought been for good or bad? How does one judge the dissolution of his entire belief system? I feel as if I’ve been plucked out of this space I used to occupy. The space was warm, comforting almost womb like. Here thought was predetermined, there was a generalized path that I knew I was to take, a set schedule to follow. Everyone was in the same space; comfortable and oblivious to the happenings outside of the space. We all would continue to float on in our perceived blissful state. Then, one day it happened. I was simply plucked out of this warm and familiar space. I was tossed just outside of it, sent tumbling down a rabbit hole in search of answers I had no questions for. The basics; who am I, where am I, why am I all arose at once. And after having tackled these provocations I began to feel slightly more comfortable in this new no space, space. Who am I? - i am a human being, a soul, an American, a jew, a person who seems to think differently than the rest. Where am I? - I am in rhode island, in America, on earth, in this solar system, in this galaxy, in this universe. Ok so I’ve got who and where, now onto why. Why am I here? -this is the one that been a whole hell of a lot more tricky for me. The basics; I am here to live. OK, what the fuck does that mean? What is living? Why is living? How is living? Everytime I come upon an answer it only adds more confusion. I cannot ever come to a finality of reason, there is always something more to figure out, something more to decipher. Some message either form within or without mea that needs to be understood. Maybe that the infinite nature of this universe though. That there is always something more to be done, to be thought, to be imagined. Maybe were all here to float around this cosmic playground and do as we feel. Maybe there is no end to existence, that our souls, being immortal, will continue on through this paradox of being alive but dying at the same time. We are all faced with our mortality at some point or another. But what does this mortality mean to us? That our physical incarnation has only a finite amount of time to explore the inner and outer worlds? I honestly don’t know what I am writing about, sometimes I enjoy writing until I lose inspiration, place it up on this forum and see what other people think. So please help me figure out where I was going…. Finish my thought friend
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May be you could try a check list of what you are not !
I get into my car, and drive around the world, and I see things outside my car all of witch I am not a part of but see it.
So I take one step back and look at spirit that’s in this avatar. Its in the world but not of it. (light bulb comes on.)
I’m in my car but not of it. ? Gee how do I become part of the car, I feel so inadequate to become a car , I want to be come a part of the car and don’t know how. What part of it can I be, a motor a rear end a head light what, what can I merge with? When you find out how to become something your not. You will know you that’s not of this world.
To me it looks like you're on the right track, because you ask questions, you want something more. This is called Bhakti in Sanskrit, this is a desire for more, the divine, a higher ideal or evolution (even if you can't put it into words). And as Jesus said "seek and you shall find. Knock on the door and it will open" and here, just by writing here you are already opening doors (even if it is not clearly apparent).
Are you doing any spiritual practice besides asking inner questions? Like meditation or prayer or anything that gets you into your inner self?
I think it can help you lots. Meditation is not just for relaxation, it is actually a path to self realization and inner knowledge and direction.
Love and Light :)
Great share Yonatan. Go within Lovelution, release what doesn't serve you to make way for the new. These are the times to let go of the river bank and get into the flow of the river of change and enlightenment. Love yourself, forgive yourself and others.
Here's an affirmation I use often to recenter and balance. Say aloud or within as many times as you wish.
I AM a BEing of the violet fire,
I AM the purity god desires.
Why we are here is a whole other story with many different perceptions to cloud ones way. Look inward for all you desire.
It would be easier if you made an effort to break up your thoughts instead of writing a wall of text. If you simplify your thoughts that in itself will help you break down what is trying to be expressed, but your will also has to be in the right place as well.
Words without intent are just hollow.
in the question itself lies the answer.