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it would be easier if it just wasn't so freaking scary (ha!) ... but from what i understand, that's the point.
for me, as i come close to breaking through "the veil", it gets really loud. all sorts of buzzing and whirling and roaring and... you know, it kinda of sounds like logging on to dialup internet. except cranked to 11. and in my head.
i try to keep calm and stay with it, but most times it's enough to make me stir myself awake. and then i'm like "DANGIT!" because i remember that i was supposed to chill and see where it goes. err see where I go.
and it never happens when i'm ready for it!
i have had some success, and have found myself in interesting environments, talking to interesting... um, "people", but my consistency rate leaves something to be desired.
and i can't ever WILL it to happen. i wish i knew what buttons to push.
the dark tries so hard to keep me afraid. and i'm sick of it! i feel like once i can overcome my fear, i might just turn into a ball of fire and engulf the earth in the name of light and love. haha, anyone else ever feel like that? :D
Just wanted to say ... I'm also the sh**-scared kind ;) and it sure has a lot of influence on my spiritual growth ... Once the usual identification, acceptation etc. process if you're still scared and it's beyond your control ... it's time for you to consider it is part of your karma - you may have seen a lot more than you should have in your past lives and you now have to find your very own way of evolution, through different paths than the 'brave' - yet more innocent - ones take ;) ... fear is not alway a weakness, it's sometimes a signal you have to listen : 'don't go there.'
As you pointed out, you feel like once you'll be done with your fears it's gonna be an ejaculation of light and love, and it's true ! and it means that this sense of darkness you have taught you how sweet light is ehe
"Light shines in darkness, and darkness never seizes it."
- John -
have fun pal, franelle