Hi all,

 

I have recently had the very disconcerting experience of finding that someone I thought I knew is a completely different person when he has been drinking, and it is very clear to me that he has the potential to hurt someone, either himself or someone else.

 

What I am struggling with is: How and why does this happen? What explains how this scarey and dangerous transformation can take place?

 

Also, why does this only happen with some people? What is it about the people themselves that makes this more likely to occur?

 

I know there will be many of you out there who have experienced this first hand, maybe with a partner or family member, and I would really appreciate your insights. What have you learned from your experiences of this?

 

Also:

 

If you have experienced this yourself, what are the danger signs that indicate to you that someone might be like this?

 

And, how can such a problem be overcome?

 

thank you : )

 

 

 

 

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Replies

  • Thanks for this, I really appreciate hearing from someone who has been the 'monster', and so pleased to hear you have been sober for 5 years : ) Yeah I wondered if he was being 'messed with ' while drunk, but now I think it's more about repressed emotions, especially anger/frustration, and emotional pain, and also personality aspects like impulsiveness, as well as a certain degree of immaturity in the sense of throwing toys when he doesn't get what he wants. Makes him sound like a terrible person but when he's sober he is usually lovely, and can be very sweet and kind. That's what makes it so hard to reconcile.
  • Thank you Shelly, and I agree with much of what you've said. I think the saying is a little simplistic and in this case would indicate that his heart is very confused! His behaviour and things he's said have been muddled and contradictory, and part of what has been scary is the unpredictability aspect ie he can go from being ok to being aggressive so quickly.

    Don't worry - I'm not going to hang off him trying to 'help' - I know he has to help himself and there is nothing more I can do to help unless he wants this.
  • Thank you for this, and interesting about the vitamin deficiency possibility too : )
  • Thank you Keith, that all makes sense to me, and yes, I believe that is the critical part: recognising and accepting the need to get help themselves.
  • Thanks Robert, and glad to hear you're good now : )
  • Yes, sadly I believe you are right Katt, although it is a bitter pill to swallow....
  • ...ego issues... if u know a person for some time (range from few hours to few days)... its very easy to predict how he will likely response if hes drunk... if he does this once or two times a year...i can say it is manageable...but if hes a regular drinker... then, its not and the best of situations for one to get him/her self into...
    • Thank you Robert, great to hear from someone who has been on the other side of things.

      I agree with what you say about unresolved issues, and I think this is true in his case. I think maybe there are personality aspects too eg impulsiveness? If the underlying cause is unresolved emotional issues, my question (which maybe no-one can answer) is then "could this issue be overcome through counselling, CBT etc, sufficiently for the person to then be 'safe' when drinking?"

      In your case, I would be interested to know if you are still like that? And if not, what has changed?
    • Thank you Katt : ) I don't believe he is an alcoholic, although he might end up that way based on his current behaviour. He has no recollection of much of the things he's said to me when under the influence. Seems he is drinking every night to this degree. Unfortunately I am no longer in a position to even encourage him to seek counselling, as he has cut himself off from me now that I have expressed my concern and said I think he has a drinking problem.
    • Well I have spent many hours working alongside this person over the past year, and the only possible signs (in restrospect) were: extreme anger on one occasion, totally overreacting on one occasion to my behaviour, and maybe a bit bossy sometimes. That is all.
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