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  Merryn December 3, 2010 at 3:30am

  Thanks for this, I really appreciate hearing from someone who has been the 'monster', and so pleased to hear you have been sober for 5 years : ) Yeah I wondered if he was being 'messed with ' while drunk, but now I think it's more about repressed emotions, especially anger/frustration, and emotional pain, and also personality aspects like impulsiveness, as well as a certain degree of immaturity in the sense of throwing toys when he doesn't get what he wants. Makes him sound like a terrible person but when he's sober he is usually lovely, and can be very sweet and kind. That's what makes it so hard to reconcile.
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  Merryn December 3, 2010 at 3:17am

  Thank you Shelly, and I agree with much of what you've said. I think the saying is a little simplistic and in this case would indicate that his heart is very confused! His behaviour and things he's said have been muddled and contradictory, and part of what has been scary is the unpredictability aspect ie he can go from being ok to being aggressive so quickly.
  
  Don't worry - I'm not going to hang off him trying to 'help' - I know he has to help himself and there is nothing more I can do to help unless he wants this.
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  Merryn December 3, 2010 at 3:04am

  Thank you for this, and interesting about the vitamin deficiency possibility too : )
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  Merryn December 3, 2010 at 3:01am

  Thank you Keith, that all makes sense to me, and yes, I believe that is the critical part: recognising and accepting the need to get help themselves.
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  Merryn December 2, 2010 at 5:04am

  Thanks Robert, and glad to hear you're good now : )
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  Merryn December 2, 2010 at 4:52am

  Yes, sadly I believe you are right Katt, although it is a bitter pill to swallow....
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  Vagelis4VP December 1, 2010 at 10:37pm

  ...ego issues... if u know a person for some time (range from few hours to few days)... its very easy to predict how he will likely response if hes drunk... if he does this once or two times a year...i can say it is manageable...but if hes a regular drinker... then, its not and the best of situations for one to get him/her self into...
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    Merryn > Vagelis4VP December 2, 2010 at 4:49am

    Thank you Robert, great to hear from someone who has been on the other side of things.
    
    I agree with what you say about unresolved issues, and I think this is true in his case. I think maybe there are personality aspects too eg impulsiveness? If the underlying cause is unresolved emotional issues, my question (which maybe no-one can answer) is then "could this issue be overcome through counselling, CBT etc, sufficiently for the person to then be 'safe' when drinking?"
    
    In your case, I would be interested to know if you are still like that? And if not, what has changed?
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    Merryn > Vagelis4VP December 2, 2010 at 4:39am

    Thank you Katt : ) I don't believe he is an alcoholic, although he might end up that way based on his current behaviour. He has no recollection of much of the things he's said to me when under the influence. Seems he is drinking every night to this degree. Unfortunately I am no longer in a position to even encourage him to seek counselling, as he has cut himself off from me now that I have expressed my concern and said I think he has a drinking problem.
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    Merryn > Vagelis4VP December 1, 2010 at 11:09pm

    Well I have spent many hours working alongside this person over the past year, and the only possible signs (in restrospect) were: extreme anger on one occasion, totally overreacting on one occasion to my behaviour, and maybe a bit bossy sometimes. That is all.