Spiritual Blogs

I feel awfully irritated today,not happy at all. When I woke up this morning I had a very bad feeling that something was not right at all. So I called my friend and I was right, she was unhappy. So I talked with her for a while so she could get off some pain. Did not take long befor she felt great again...Witch was great! My task I think this life has been a simple task. Simply make people feel good. Specially sick people that suffers from depression and other form om mental problems. I sometimes visit small groups. They have told me that it is so fun when Light_Diva comes, cause she spreads such joy and has such wonderfull spirit and carisma that you can´t feel enything more than happy when you are around her. That knowlage is warming thought! I have also heard from meny that I must bee the kindest and most loving soul they have come across and therefor they enjoyed my company. Sure it is nice to hear such things and it warms my soul to know that.

Children has liked me as long as I can remember! I used to practise in kindergarden and the kids they truly adored me. I had allways time for them and played with them. Sometimes I could have 5 children crawling all over me when they wanted me to play with them. All the children became my sons and daughters and I Loved them all like they where my own children. One day the head boss in the kindergarden fired me and said that I was not welcomed there again. I was totaly in chock. I did not get eny answer for that aighter...cause they did not give me an explanation. Still today I wonder what I did wrong! At that time when the boss told me that I was wondering what am I going to tell the children? The children that I love so much like they where my own flesh and blood! I went back in where the children where waiting for me unpatiently for me. When I finaly told them I was not coming back enymore they all stoped and looked very unhappy! I told them that I so much wanted to, because I loved them all like they where my own children, but that the boss in kindergarden had said I had to quit there! All the children bursted in tears crying! My heart was bleeding when I saw their crying faces! They came all to me crying, begging me to not to go! Telling me that they do not want me to leave! That was one of the hardest things to see in my life! Their crying faces, begging me to not leave....I get very sad when I think of it today...

Animals and nature has been also a huge part of my life. The best places I like is on a cliff lying down and just listen to vaves and the seagulls. That is very relaxing. Xzai-On Likes watherfalls, so do I as well...we do not have watherfalls so much here where I live! But we have lovely lakes and cliffs close to the oceans.... I have allways enjoyed the nature and I truly like to walk in the forest, collecting muchrooms and berries. Sometimes I take tea, warm chocolate and some sandwitches and I go to forest, just to bee part of the nature and breath the lovely air within it...But in winters everything is so dead and silent. Also it is so very cold going out then...Spring is my favorite seson and has been so as long as I can remember. I have allways loved animals and I have had animals as long as I can remember, mostly rodents like bunnies and hamsters. But also horses has been a big interest for me, as well as cats and dogs...Right now I have a heard of hamsters! I love them to bits, they are such adorable cute pets and they give so much joy! The oldest hamster I have is almost 3 years of age witch is a very old age for a goldhamster. The reson for his high age i think is geens, the love and joy he has in his life. He loves his life and is very calm and loving little hamster. He is a hamster with pure love and light! He has never bitten och showed eny bad temper. He is allways happy and with a smile on his hamster lipps. I truly love this little old man to hamster. He is truly a little living angel.....

However today I do not feel that good. I feel irritated and it did not make it eny beter when my computer started messing. At that time it felt like I wanted to throw the computer into the wall...I think the dark forses are trying their best..to pester my life right now!  Why even bother when they can´t controll me and they have never been able to do that aighter! My love is way to strong! Hate dos not escist in my world and nor in my word library no mather how sad and irritated I feel at times! Strangely I have not been dreaming enything lately and normaly I dream...at least something when I sleep! But absolutely NOTHING. No dreams or visions this past few days...wierd! I think I should meditate now to get rid of my irritation!

A nother thing that crossed my mind is...I have never got my own children...the earth men has not been able to give me eny....I have had 3 seroud relationships in my life, non of witch has been able to give me a child. The doctor said I am perfectly healthy and should bee able to get children...The past few days I have wondered why? Is it because I am not supose to have children with earth men? Or maby that I do not fit earth men...Sure, I have got pregnant but it has allways ended upp in misscarriages...This thing has allways happend, no mather who of my exes i have tryed it with... So it makes me seriously wonder if earth men do not fit me...maby i was not ment to have children with an earth man...maby it is ment that i should have children with a non earth man....somehow i feel that is the case. Cause otherwise i would have children alredy...All men are not unfertile...and if doctor says i am fertile and healthy, that there i nothing wrong with me and that i can get children...So what should you think...The only logical thing I can come upp with then is that I am not ment to get children wirh an earth man...

Man, I feel irritated and down today. I think it is time for meditation now......