Goodness it feels like we have come so far in a very small length of time, doesn’t it, my friends? I remember being so excited to see the Norway Spiral, and how I renewed my dedication to learning about the hidden phenomena around us all; I needed to understand everything that is existence, I needed to see behind the veil and get the real answers. I have always been impatient with mysteries, it’s just the way I am made, so my manner of learning is to accumulate as much knowledge as possible and find the patterns within them, to link together theories, ideas, facts and fit them together logically. Intuition plays a large part, at times you have to take a leap of faith in accepting things that seem surreal in this concrete reality of ours.
I learned to accept my inner teacher and the things I could perceive that others could not, and I found that the journey to understand the world and the cosmos was changing me, as the knowledge changed to wisdom the process was transmuting my body, mind and emotional ego.
I also found myself with the rather unique set of circumstance of having physical experiences with energies that some people only theorize about, so my tools of perception are a bit different than they were a few years ago.
People talk often of what it means to be a starseed, to be connected to the “star people”; personally I think we feel a weight of responsibility and that if you accept that you are a seedling, then you are going to work very hard and push yourself to the limits of what you think you can handle.
Mental discipline is something I always had, but I had to learn emotional discipline, which I confess is still difficult despite the growth I have achieved so far. These past weeks have been a time for calm reflection, as we are integrating a huge change in our frequencies and ability to channel light.
In my clearing phases, things are being dredged up and processed quickly, as “time” does move faster. During the “uploads” the changes are being integrated smoothly now, with much less physical discomfort as we are growing our vessels to take on more and more each time.
Gosh, I remember going through so much pain as my muscles seized up when my chakras went “online” and overloaded from the energy. Now though, they are finely tuned and I pick up so many awesome energies and beings, lol, it’s like being tuned like a radio and you can pick up a wider range of frequencies.
The light fractures I was seeing still come on high energy days, I can feel them approaching most times as a buzzing in my cosmic/angel wing chakra. I can “enter” them now, the trick is to understand that everything is moving but you are the “still point”, you are stationary and “all” moves but yourself so you can “bring” anything you want to yourself through intention. I most often see geometric shapes, I wish I was an artist so that I share with people how they appear to me, how they look like three dimensional shapes floating in the air flickering with inner light and colors, I see them with eyes open or closed. When you enter them a light explosion happens that is like nothing you’ve ever felt.
I often get pixel-vision as well, I bet most of you have seen and experienced it too, as if you are in a painting, your eyes see the world as unreal or artificial.
The side effects of growing and changing are nice, like the increased psychic abilities and wider range of understanding… but the ego death has been difficult to say the least. I think there are layers which occur during the ego death, which is not a good term generally but aptly describes the loss of identity and the illusions we use as a crutch against fear.
Personally, I thought of myself as quite willing to “lay down my ego” in pursuit of the truth… but I didn’t reckon the toll that living in the “Now” would take on me, and how I counted on my innate optimism. Lol, there is no need for optimism in the Now.
The worst part of the ego death has probably been the loss of the “high” I would get from learning and figuring something out, finding good data used to give me such a rush and made me happy. I faced my hidden fear, what I used as my crutch was “information“… a mental armour that gave me comfort against ignorance (which is what I fear..hate not knowing)… So, I am learning to adapt to living in the Now, which is non-expectant, nor based on reassuring my egoic identity that “everything is okay” with information, like a junkie. I still research a little bit but mostly for curiosity and not out of “need”.
I am reading a lot of poetry and listening to music often, as my mind is still hungry but I am feeding it with beauty as much as possible.
I confess too, that as my perceptions have widened and “tasted” energy from humans, that I was losing faith in humanity as a whole. The media is one thing, we sort of expect ignorance (that word again!) from them, but it seemed that everywhere I went I could feel the people around me as very sad and negative, so many people are alone in their hearts, it’s tragic how we hurt each other for energy gain. I became more of a hermit than ever and struggled with the idea of “hope” for my fellow earthlings, I despaired for them that they would not see past the illusions of separation. I came to understand that they are part of the equation, an important part of the duality process.
A nice effect of the ego death is the loss of the need for control, so I can more easily appreciate the energies at play by merely observing them and not interacting unless moved so by my inner promptings. I still get annoyed, but the need to confront injustice is gone and things feel simpler.
So, mostly to self-medicate, I turned to the geniuses of our past history. I looked to Walt Whitman and Beethovan and DaVinci to show me the beauty and divinity within humanity… I found their lives inspirational and a moving testament to a divine plan. We have it in our hearts to all be geniuses, we are all interconnected.
Goodness it’s been such a journey thus far, so many changes happening on many levels.
One thing I should mention, in case anyone is feeling down about the December solstice of 2012 or the promised changes made by many channels and authors, is that this life you imagine as “real” is a reflection of a higher frequency which is in turn a reflection of our mental perceptions.
(Now the student would ponder how our mental perceptions are such a battlefield with people fighting for control of what we "think")
One of the “duties” of the starchildren is to exist in this plane while simultaneously anchoring a higher frequency, think of us as wi-fi satellites beaming out the higher frequencies like an antenna receiving and beaming out a signal. All humans are wi-fi enabled, just some have different operating codes just like a computer has many programs running under various script and formats. Being a starseed gives you a sort of “tone” capability that will allow the cosmic energy to speak through you like a code, remember dear friends, we are all just part of an immense equation playing out and you were created for a reason and there are no mistakes in heaven. (I use the term heaven subjectively here).
What the December alignment did was plug us into a higher frequency and amped us up so now we are like an engine that went from four cylinders to eight. We still have to create the world through the mental plane of thought, but now we are getting the tools to do so with the assistance of our higher/alter selves and as the veil slides further, the divine plan of existence will get clearer and clearer.
Part of the ego death I experienced was to prepare me for the spring equinox, when we sow the seeds of what we really need to manifest this coming year. Wowzers, it’s so awesome, what is coming… well at least from my perspective; I respect that others will have their own paths to travel. If you think about what spring means, the theories about the three days of darkness and the alignments, definitely a few of us will be a buzzing around that time, lol, especially if the sun decides to throw us some extra prana :-) More veils will fall...
The planet Venus will be changing us even more as the planets dance their energy across Gaia and further adjusts the programming parameters we operate under.
For those of you who think it should be instantaneous … well, you would likely explode as this process is done in increments according to the celestial clock so that we can expand and adjust gradually. Pay close attention to the stars and don’t feed the fear, we didn’t come all this way for nothing, lol.
There is a very real science to the process of ascension but it is a naturally running program which will reach fruition eventually, one must let go of any concept of “time” as they mature into their light body, as the very concept imprisons your mind. “Expectation” is another word hard to deal with, as it separates you from the Now you need to operate in.
If someone wants to hurry the process and see results, well then... the journey must turn inward and not towards an outside source, don’t take my word for anything, my friend, without going within to listen to your heart about what is communicated. Meditation is very important to your evolution, any meditation really, just know that whatever you choose to look at will grow, and if you look within you will GROW and if you look to another being selling fear and control, you will make it grow as well. Feed what makes your heart sing:-)
Thank you for reading my ruminations, I appreciate and respect the journey and am happy to share it with you all.
Thank you, Alveta, I appreciate your input :-) And thank you to everyone for their comments and beautiful images. Much love :-)
Hi Kelly, I see you did some Spring cleaning that's great. I had to put somethings into prospective myself. It's always good to hear different perceptions about how others deal with different situations. I've realized some things for myself while reading your ruminations. This was helpful for me so thank you Kelly for sharing.
Great piece! Thank You.
Thank you so much for understanding, Devi :-) We are experiencing it together, which is nice.
And Thank you again, Feather, you are deeply appreciated, more than you know :-)
Thank you, ladies, for your comments, which are much appreciated. I am learning to get out of my own way, I suppose, and just living in the heart and in the moment. Maybe the true self is peeping through the windows of my eyes?
Yes, good tip, Feather. I adapted my body more easily when I talked to my cells, self talk really works.
Yes, Feather, I dislike the term itself, it feels inadequate... maybe it is the subjugation of the ego? The loss of things that the "ego self" felt was important.
Letting go of certain aspects of the ego lets in more divine intention, allows the Source/Light/Love to move more easily through you. You are right, it's a tool and not who I AM, if you know what I mean, and I think you do ;-)
Thank you for the beautiful image, I adore the tree, I can use it in meditation :-)