not sure where i am honestly!

i'm not entirely sure where i am, who i'm suppose to turn to, especially when i'm not even sure what's wrong with me!

i am happy allot lately, and it seems the happier i get and the more i come to life, the more i need to show people that i'm ok and make them feel better!

but what do i do when i run out of people, or simply nobody's left who want's to talk?

who am i?

i get interested in a girl, an amazing girl and i go through a 2 day rough patch where i just need someone to make me feel better and it seems as though i accidently smothered her, now i watch and wait and well it kinda hurts seing that i may not get another chance and i've missed out!

then again i do not live with regret i will try right till the end, right up until i know i've lost!
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Comments

  • Sky: Thank you i will XD

    Butterfly: i agree with you completly and i have been doing this!
    i am trusting in myself and my believe and my faith, i know who i am it's just sometime's i tend to question it!
    if nothing else it was a brief relapse of loss of destination, and for a small amount of time my path was hidden from me and everything became cloudy, until i realised that sometime's i don't need to know what is coming next!
    this is a hard concept for a see'r lol

    i still have much to learn, and far from perfect, i just have to trust in me and trust in gia, what ever her plans are for me they are important so i must follow with faith!

    Johan: i couldn't agree more my friend, it is un-expected it is beautiful and it's scary!
    it's really un-explainable not even the words in any poem i could write would be enough to describe it, the best i can do is write using love as my pen, that way people feel it past the words!

    i know i have my moments of dis-beliefe and sadness i know that i slipped and scared the girl i was chasing!
    i know she felt that!
    but i also know that it's something worth fighting for, it's not that i need her to be happy, to be honest i'm happy now, what i crave is to make her happy above all things, because that smile on her face is worth more than any giving thing i could want to have or see in this life, if she's happy i'm happy!
    but yes i am happy just alone is all, i wish to share my path and journey with another is all!

  • Goofy,

    Love is a strange thing. When can you speek of love ? There is love as it is purely physical ? Whether there is love from a kind of pity ? You can love cataloging ? Love is something beautiful, especially if you can tell; " I love you because I know, you love me !" Real love is not straight or gay or whatever, love is love. True love is above race, color, creed or whatever, love is love. Everyone follows a path, the way of life, and that way you will also love to. Nothing is, anything goes. Opening your heart to all beautiful things, great and small, is important. The possitive opportunities with both hands take, self and over again, offer opportunities, to give love and receive love. Love is really something beautiful, including you, on your way, and usually comes unexpectedly. I wish your something beautiful, an unexpected moment ! Good luck with it already. You are on your way and I thing there is nothing wrong. With love, johan from Belgium.

  • Goofy, you still have so much ahead of you!  You're still young and are yet to learn how to love yourself first.

     

    Basically when we get a piece of paper and write out all of our good qualities that we love about ourselves, and add something everyday (until we are sure of ourselves), then our self esteem raises.  You love yourself and become grounded in yourself. You will then KNOW who you are.

     

    You are still looking for someone outside of yourself to complete you and 'make you feel better'.  There is so much danger in that because people are all on their own journey, and someone along the line, will let us down.  You have acted clingy with this girl you were interested in, then she backed off (as women do when they sense that a man is wanting them to make them feel happy - I too feel that a mile away and I run because it's not my job to make the man happy - but himself. I sense he is trying to take it from me but I can't do it - it's draining and I don't want to know about it). 

     

    The other pains that you have had, have made you question things within yourself - and this is a good thing.  If life is so smoothly for all of us, we wouldn't be on a soul search.  If you have lost a twin-flame so early, then there are many other things for you to experience in this incarnation on Earth.  Please trust this. It is a journey.

     

    Butterfly

  • yes thank you XD
  • Well you got the point.....
  • entirely true my friend, i try to find the best in every situation and i'm not ashamed to ask for help or even attention when i really need it most!
    this supports who i pride myself around me by!

    and although there are things i would of liked not to have to have suffered to have learnt from and things i probably would like to change (first to admit it) i do not regret it!
    i would probably do it all again (although i'd rather not lol) because it has defined who i am today and i'm bloody proud of the person i've become!

    loosing my virginity to rape, and not a small boy either in ANY sence, having my twin flame die, seing it in advance feeling it in my gut and litraly taking death on head first (wich might i add is like trying to head but a bull drunk, it seems like a good idea at the time lol) and knowing that it was her time to pass, all of this taught me so much!
    and made me question the very foundation of who i was, yet i still chose light, with all the insperation in the world NO greater reason than to keep my twin flame true love alive, yet duty and what was right was the path i chose!

    i know this is probably to much information, but i don't care, i am realising within myself who i am, i just struggle from time to time!
  • Well you have no regrets right? its good to remain positive while suffering through trials and that's completely normal to define who you are by the people that surrounds you.
  • Metha: how so?

    and form-lost: i think your dead on the bat!
    couldn't be more right, i was reaching out for human contact other than my parent's or thier friends!
    felt restricted and bound to my current position with nobody needing my help!
    not only this, i get my reward from making somebody smile because of me!
    the light and pure joy of seing a girl or even a mate smile because of me is something nobody can take!
    it is what i live for, yet as i find sometime's they don't need you, and it's not them that requires your help, it's you that needs them!
    this thought only drags you both down, so you need to also know and learn when to cut the cord!

    i am a protector my friend, always have been from a child, although my little brother protected me physically, when we got older i found myself protecting him and many many others through who i was as a person!

    i like to help people, i don't want a reward other than knowing that i have helped them and as i said before, it's the smile, something so simple and elegant that brings me to life again!

    i am currently struggling with a female, a couple actually where my choice is un-clear as to where my feet will land, yet i have to just go with it huh!
    i have no choice so why stress!

    the pain i feel is the missing part of my soul, the spot where my twin flame sits perfectly!
    i'm not being judgemental or anything (hell i'm bi-sexual) but it is the spot where only a female can fill!
    in saying that i do not know, i have never felt real emotion for a male, maybe one day i will, what i do know is that my twin flame, whoever he or she is, is not far away, i can feel it draw closer!
    and so can my elders!
    my elders are all gathering in one spot at the same time, for them all to be in the same state let alone town is a miracle, so i know grand change is on it's way, and i feel it is a much deserved love!

    although, i believe i may know who it is!
    she has suffered through many of the same trials and her gifts have no power over me unless i choose them to!
    she is a special kind of healer, like me but different, i call them soul-healers because that's what they do, they fix the soul, repair it if you will!
    although we can fix physical or illness it's the soul we work fluently with!

    there is much much more to my gift and gradually i will tell more!
    but for now it is enough!

     

    thank you my friends!

     

     

     

  • this might be of a kind of different take on this thread, so I may have "missed"?

    ===================================

    you have always struck me as a protector, I'v had a similar feel/vibe, lately, from time to time. similar problems maybe in same vein. last night I did something weird, I layed down and had this dumb yet strange (to me) thought, that nothing out their truly cares about me and the absolute truest sense, except the me, my self etc. and theirs this part in side, way down in their that still is pretty beat up, and perhaps subconsciously I have been waiting for someone to heal of love that part of my being, and I have been stuck like this secretively (even from myself) for a good while. have had women problems with being (yea) the one who still needs to not smother or take from her energy

    anyhow

    that scenario where you fight for people, and put all your focused energy and life force into that work, to be left behind and alone, and I always kinda partially feel like some idiot in this situation, but theirs always that peace of what you know you've done, but still. its like somethings supposed to come for you? and this is a re-occurring no go

    you have heart in your work for them, at "the end" something says "your heart" inside, and its like, your so good at taking care of the self in harsh situations and long drawn out crunches and then. . . .  then . . . what. . . nothing?

    hmmmmm

    I remember this bit about sun tzu teaching his samurai the arts after all the main conflicts were over, he said something in response to this action, can't remember right now, maybe I'll go see if I can dig it up

    another bit

    I have always had this problem all my life, where "if I can not help anyone than I have no reason to exist", and I say this out loud to whats out their,  reason is because I have almost felt denied or withheld of this path, (temporarily it seems), by some higher force it almost feels like, (may sound strange), and perhaps this has been a hard thing for me to learn, though I am now aware of this somehow, its meaning and reasoning.

    my mind is always so direct when looking into the future with it, I think I am trying to find peace, without having to look into the future this way

    one other strange bit, something that happened to me this morning:
    sometimes or maybe always? a friend points for you, and you are the one who must recognize it, and when you do, you know, you know that YOU recognized what ever the direction that was being pointed for the self that is you, I find this happens, when your left to know your "alone"

  • Thats a good way to be
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