September 26,2010

A few days ago I woke up from a bad dream related to my 20 year old cat,Sandy.To make a long story short,I abandoned Sandy for another 20 year old white cat named Gracie,who looked a lot healthier and younger.

I felt so much guilt and sorrow when I woke up;what a awful dream! Of course,in real life I would never abandon my baby girl.After thinking about that dream,I realized that that the dream wasn't about me abandoning Sandy: it was about me letting her go.

A month ago I noticed changes in Sandy that concerned me.I did some research- to learn what to look for when a cat is getting ready to pass on,and Sandy had some of the symptoms.

I got upset and I cried out to God that I need Sandy,that I won't let her go and whatnot,and shortly after my breakdown Sandy perked up.

But a month later,and shortly after that dream,Sandy started going down-hill again.She's not eating and drinking(I gave her wet food and she ate some of it,but refused the water)when she meows it sounds like she's in pain;She's very skinny;she has no interest in her treats(which she LOVES) and her food;she's having some trouble moving;and she looks uncomfortable.

I truely believe thast the dream was the angels' way of telling me that Sandy will be going home to God soon and that I need to let her go.It makes a lot of sense to me,and I decided to "let Sandy go" and accept the fact that she's going "home" soon.I will do what's best for Sandy,not what's best for me.

So I made a decision: if Sandy keeps going down-hill then Iam going to have her put to sleep.I've been a huge emotional mess,and I've been crying all evening and night;Iam grieving.Mom and I talked and she said we can take Sandy to the vet on Monday,depending on how she's doing of course.

So,Iam ready to "let sandy go" when she's fully ready.Of course it's going to be extremely tough when she returns to God but I will not allow my precious angel to suffer in any way.So Iam spending lots of time with Sandy,enjoying the time I have left with her.To be honest,ever since I accepted this I've felt some peace.Why,I do not know.I don't know how much time I have left with Sandy but I will cherish every second of it,and Iam very grateful to each day I have left with her.I do know that Sandy's going home to God soon- I have a very strong feeling about that,so Iam preparing myself as best as I can.