Hello beautiful souls, I would like to share something with you.

For those that have got to know me you know I will post anything or everything that I feel right in my heart. To gain wisdom from others and to give some at times. When it comes to me I'll put it all out there that's just how I am. This one is personal and I share it with you all.

Be careful what you wish for.

Alright I'll begin.

Like I told you all I mold my existence, create it to my desires. And everything was going very well. I wanted this one experience, "wished" it to happen again and it did. It was amazing and then it backfired in my face. And I know we all experience what we need to, to grow spiritually but this one kicked my ass. As some of you know I was married for ten years to this beautiful girl. After all that time we eventually grew apart and she wanted to go on her own path. We did not talk for months. And some time not to long ago I really wanted to experience her again. I asked the universe, and it replied. A few days later she called me out of the blue. Wanting to have a "fling", "fun" whatever you want to call it. She didn't want either of us to have feelings about it, just enjoy each other. And for me it was like a dream come true. I wanted whatever time, ect. I could get with her. I did try not to let my feelings get in but they did. I am a lover, a lover to all and everything. Of course my love came back full force for her but I did not let her know. I wanted to enjoy everything with her and did not want to let her know that I did still have feeling for her. My love for her was a lot more than I expected giving that she broke my heart once before. This part of my existence I wanted so badly, it has really messed me up. She texted me today and said she is with someone now and does not want me anymore.

I am crushed, hurt, my heart is broken.

(excuse me I have to take a break for a moment. )

Love is a wild thing, it can be the best and worst thing for you at times in your life. I am so sad, my head is a fog and the love I had for her hurts so bad right now. This thing that has happened to me has crushed me. Reaching out to give love to someone I deeply cared about has torn my heart. It is very hard to type right now but I feel I need to do this to help get it off my chest. I want to love another again like I love her but I don't know if I will be able to. This second time of her breaking my heart I think is worse for me. Before she did not have anyone(with anyone) and now she is. I am not mad at her and I do love her enuff to be happy for her. It just crushes me though. To know that the love we had is no more. I will move past this just right now I am very sad, feel lost and alone. The messed up thing is that I have shed several tears while typing this  but I feel I need to finish this post. For some reason the universe wants me to learn something this, it's just very hard.