all my life ive been very uncertain. but i can tell you two things ive always been certain about. ive been in constant unwanted contact with both the extreemly negative and the extremely positive my entire life. Ive recently began communicating to the people in my life these things ive been experiencing. a short and very "abridged"-pun intended version would go like this...psychic awareness from my earliest childhood of both the good in cultures and the bad in cultures...primarily in the european and north american continents and australia where i live. by this i mean intuition about the bohemian grove from my very early schoolbooks..the symbolism of the dark owl etc. a almost constant connection to the russian consciousness...primarily from one man who i identify with as a mafioso, kgb?, and sometimes as cultural figures like the "emporer with no clothes" and nero as well as other fictional characters. an almost constant hatred from most of europe that manifests through childs fiction and music. and things closer to home like the history of alcholism and child abuse in australia and another almost constant stream of hate consciousness from the welsh australian(race?) that began in what i could only describe as a pre ostracism ritual performed by a welsh man and his daughter who i can only identify with as a rich (duke?) at the age of something like 5 or 6 the other more obvious hate consciousness has been the australian free masonic order that i have always been aware of in particular their attempts to attack me spiritually. which was mainly manifested through low quality housing and food etc which i have always been aware of...and when i say always i mean my earliest memories are of psychic awareness.
the other uncertainties that have made my life difficult have been the confusing messages from beings i percieve as astral guides who seem to be constantly upset with decisions i make. one of which being to write this letter, i feel however it is important to request feedback from people otherwise i end up in a mental institution because of the extremely negative things i intuit from these beings that then manifest..natural disaster, murders, child rape, adult rape removal of personal rights and freedoms by governing bodies etc...sometimes i see these things as they happen sometimes before sometimes after. ive never known what to do with the knowledge and have been successfully labelled a schizophrenic by medical science which in a way makes me feel like ive achieved the purpose that seemingly half the world has for me. Ive tried many times to do something practical with this knowledge but any official channels are closed in some coincidental way which makes me feel people think im unworthy of positive affectation or a complete nut or something larger in design. no possibility seems either fair, sane or likely but coincidence has ruled my life.
im writing this now to ask anyone with any knowledge of spiritual debt thier opinions on whether i am paying a spiritual debt to people who want to take the little i have left around me that i recognise and identify with and whether spiritual karmas are ever paid in full and if so some idea as to what would happen next? would a person born into a new life grow with the same psychic curses from within and the world that shapes thier life or would a stranger than fiction situation occur in which there would be no need for the sense of psychic curse and spiritual debt? I'm a 23 yr old asking questions a 2 yr old began to ask internally so please measure any replies and be gentle. for as battle hardened as i appear i am really very sensitive.