Spiritual Forum

This blog is about Abuse. I have been researching narcissism and thought I would post a blog about the subject. I have ommitted certain small examples to make room for relevant videos, however the full article may be obtained in the following link.

https://www.bpdcentral.com/narcissistic-disorder/hallmarks-of-npd/

"Ego-maniac traitor
You never did understand
You fell in love with your ego
It did not fit into plan"

from the song "Low Life" by Public Image Ltd.

Narcissism

Narcissistic Traits

A pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behavior), need for admiration, and lack of empathy, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following:

A pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behavior), need for admiration, and lack of empathy, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following:

Lacks empathy: is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others
Has a grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g., exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements)
Has a sense of entitlement, i.e., unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations
Is interpersonally exploitative, i.e., takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends
Is often envious of others or believes others are envious of him or her
Requires excessive admiration
Shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes
Believes that he or she is "special" and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions)
Is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love

Lacks empathy: is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others

Lack of empathy is one of the most striking features of people with narcissistic personality disorder. It's a hallmark of the disorder in the same way that fear of abandonment is in borderline personality disorder.

"Narcissists do not consider the pain they inflict on others; nor do they give any credence to others' perceptions," says Dr. Les Carter. "They simply do not care about thoughts and feelings that conflict with their own." Do not expect them to listen, validate, understand, or support you.”

Note that narcissists can pick up on social cues and can "fake it" when necessary.Aside from looking "normal," the hope is that they will get something back.

This lack of empathy is so foreign to us--even some animals show evidence of empathy--that shocking instances can break through the denial and the hoping that one day we will get our turn. While it may leave us outraged, hurt, and feeling betrayed, it can be an eye-opening incident that we really need to acknowledge the limitations of individuals with NPD. As painful as it can be, though, we no longer feel as confused by the push-pull (or in some cases, just the push).

Has a grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g., exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements)

Grandiosity" means, a sustained, unrealistic sense of being superior—better than other people. It also refers to a sense of uniqueness; the belief that few others have anything in common with oneself and that one can only be understood by a few or very special people. A narcissist says:

I have always believed I was destined to do or be something great. Known, loved, or admired by all--not that I took any steps to ensure that I actually did anything worth mentioning. I hand-pick friends who support my own ideal of myself.

My best friend in high school was another guy who, like me, knew we were better than everyone else. Gods among men. I surrounded myself with woman I knew were attracted to me, even if I wasn't attracted to them, to show how desirable I was.

Has a sense of entitlement, i.e., unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations

Narcissistic entitlement is not the same as self-worth; for example, that is, the belief that one is worthy of accomplishments earned through hard work. Instead, the narcissist is like a toddler who never learned he is not the center of the world and becomes enraged when others don't meet his immediate demands.

Some of these narcissists are honest about their dealings with others. They will practically tell you that they have an utter disregard for others. Other narcissists are a bit more subtle about the unwritten guidelines for living with someone who becomes irrationally angry when others don't go along with their demands.

Is interpersonally exploitative, i.e., takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends

Narcissists lack empathy, feel entitled and above the rules, and see other people as appendages whose sole purpose is to fill them with narcissistic supply. Yet sometimes the narcissist doesn't get everything she needs through more subtle means. She needs to take a more direct approach. They take advantage of others to achieve their own ends.

An exploitative relationship may take many forms. But it generally involves using others without regard for their own feelings and interests. The narcissist doesn't even think about what's best for others. He places no value on open, fair and honest exchanges.

He's too concerned with satiating his own hunger for whatever it is that he needs, be it physical, emotional, financial, whatever. For narcissists with some kind of power, such as religious figures, chief executives, politicians and the like, this is like taking candy from a baby

For example, Mona fell under the spell of Matthew, her psychiatrist. The two became lovers after he shared details about his cold and distant wife and confided how lonely he was. Mona says:

He pursued me, a client, to fulfill his need for love and adoration (I was a willing participant, yet I was so fragile at the time). He needed someone to split the rent of his office, so he went into business with a long term client who needed office space. A client became his vet, a client became his financial planner, a client who led golf trips asked him to come to a premium golf outing at some island.

Fear, obligation, and guilt hook family members into giving as much as they can even when it's clearly against their best interest. Narcissists and people-pleasers/codependents have a way of finding each other. The cycle only stops when the non-disordered partner accepts that things will only change when he or she becomes aware that this is a one way relationship and that they will always be in the giving, not getting, role.

Is often envious of others or believes others are envious of him or her

Narcissists must be superior to others in every single way. So when someone else has something they don't have that they want: admiration, status, skills, objects, etc.--the narcissist sees it as a major threat. Like so much else in the narcissistic mind, it is unconscious, discounted and denied, which makes it more treacherous for the object of his envy. Therapist Sandy Hotchkiss says, "To admit to envy would be to acknowledge inferiority, which no good narcissist would ever do."

Requires excessive admiration

Narcissists need admiration all the time. They surround themselves with others who will give them positive reinforcement for their sparkling wit, wonderful personality, and so on and so on. When someone with NPD in your life is in immediate need for admiration, he may have experienced cracks in his superior self-image and need an admiration injection.

Here is how another narcissist describes his need for admiration:

Since I have risen from such adversity, I expect others should look on me with admiration and respect at getting this far from so little. They should be awed at my accomplishments and know the man before them has done things they themselves have never even had the balls to even dream of doing. My kindness should be praised, my wisdom should be sought, and my touch should be craved.

Shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes

Arrogance is another defense mechanism that keeps the narcissist a legend in his own mind, free from the stain of the imperfection of other human beings. Remember, narcissists (and borderlines) split, seeing themselves and others in black and white.

Someone has to be on top, and someone has to be on the bottom. Being judgmental and power hungry staves off the stink of imperfection.

Believes that he or she is "special" and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions)

Is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love

This refers to the narcissist's need to fend off inner emptiness, feel special and in control, and avoid feelings of defectiveness and insignificance. While we all fantasize, the trouble with narcissist fantasy is that the narcissist treads a fine line between what is magical thinking and what is real. As unhealthy as it is for the narcissist, it becomes gaslighting for his family members and contributes to their own confusion, frustration, and magical thinking.

A woman says, "Before my husband went into therapy, he frequently based our plans on fantasy scenarios of sudden wealth (winning the Lotto) rather than on a realistic in-the-here-and-now plan. In terms of our relationship, he had built up a happy-ever-after scenario that had no basis in reality. He had himself so convinced of the happy-ever-after scenario that he wasn't even able to hear me when I expressed the need for the trust/honesty issues between us to be addressed."

The narcissist and his or her partner all get caught up in idealized, obsessive relationship in which "I love you's" are declared more quickly than the time it takes to download "Hello, I Love You," by the Doors on the Internet.

Relationships begin with the terms "white knight," "princess," "fairy tale" and "soulmate." And too often, the tale ends unhappily when the person who was split "white" either becomes split black (often in the case with BPs) or discarded when they start making demands and fresh narcissistic supply comes along. People confuse intensity with intimacy, which takes time, self knowledge, honesty, consideration, and willingness to be vulnerable.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Individuals with narcissistic personality disorder generally believe that the world revolves around them. This condition is characterized by a lack of ability to empathize with others and a desire to keep the focus on themselves at all times.

Definition

Narcissistic Personality Disorder involves arrogant behavior, a lack of empathy for other people, and a need for admiration-all of which must be consistently evident at work and in relationships. People who are narcissistic are frequently described as cocky, self-centered, manipulative, and demanding. Narcissists may concentrate on unlikely personal outcomes (e.g., fame) and may be convinced that they deserve special treatment. Related Personality Disorders: Antisocial, Borderline, Histrionic. Narcissism is a less extreme version of Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Narcissism involves cockiness, manipulativeness, selfishness, power motives, and vanity-a love of mirrors. Related personality traits include: Psychopathy, Machiavellianism.

Narcissists tend to have high self-esteem. However, narcissism is not the same thing as self-esteem; people who have high self-esteem are often humble, whereas narcissists rarely are. It was once thought that narcissists have high self-esteem on the surface, but deep down they are insecure. However, the latest evidence indicates that narcissists are actually secure or grandiose at both levels. Onlookers may infer that insecurity is there because narcissists tend to be defensive when their self-esteem is threatened (e.g., being ridiculed); narcissists can be aggressive. The sometimes dangerous lifestyle may more generally reflect sensation-seeking or impulsivity (e.g., risky sex, bold financial decisions).

https://www.psychologytoday.com/conditions/narcissistic-personality-disorder

Flying Monkeys

This article about "Flying Monkeys" is too long to post in this thread and therefore will have to be posted in another blog, in the meantime, please watch these videos to become familiar with the term "Flying Monkeys" and their relationship to Narcissists.