Collection of Wise and Zany Quips

8110459080?profile=originalMan is certainly stark mad. He cannot make a worm, and yet he will be making gods by dozens. --Michel de Montaigne, essayist (1553-1592)

 

The man who doesn’t know what the universe is doesn’t know where he lives. --Marcus Aurelius, Roman emperor and stoic philosopher (121-180)

 

I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use. --Galileo Galilei, scientist (1564-1642)

 

It is a profitable thing, if one is wise, to seem foolish. --Aeschylus, Greek playwright (525-455 BCE)

 

He who knows nothing is closer to the truth than he whose mind is filled with falsehoods and errors.--Thomas Jefferson, most influential Founding Father of USA and 3rd President (1743-1826)

 

The worst moment for the atheist is when he is really thankful and has nobody to thank. --Dante Rossetti, painter (1828-1882)

 

Imagination was given to man to compensate him for what he is not; a sense of humor to console him for what he is. --Sir Francis Bacon, British scientist-philosopher-essayist-statesman (1561-1626)

 

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It is better to know some of the questions than all of the answers. --James Thurber, author (1894-1961)

 

Ageing isn't that bad if you consider the alternatives.--Maurice Chevalier, actor (1888-1972)

 

The average man does not know what to do with his life, yet wants another one which will last forever. --Anatole France, author (1844-1924)

 

We have just enough religion to make us hate, but not enough to make us love one another.--Jonathan Swift, novelist (1667-1745)

 

Men never do evil so completely and cheerfully as when they do it from a religious conviction. --Blaise Pascal, Catholic mystic (1623-62)

 

Doubt is not a pleasant condition, but certainty is absurd. --Voltaire, French Enlightenment essayist, deist philosopher (1694-1778)

 

How many observe Christ's birthday! How few his precepts! O! 'tis easier to keep holidays than commandments.--Benjamin Franklin, statesman, inventor (1706-90)

 

Men will wrangle for religion; write for it; fight for it; die for it; anything but live for it. --Charles Caleb Colton, English cleric-writer (1780-1832)

 

I always distrust people who know so much about what God wants them to do to their fellows. --Susan B. Anthony, women's rights leader (1820-1906)

 

How many legs does a dog have if you call the tail a leg? Four. Calling a tail a leg doesn’t make it a leg. --Abraham Lincoln, 16th U.S. President (1809-1865)

 

8110459097?profile=originalIt’s better to be silent and thought a fool than speak and remove all doubt. --Abe Lincoln

 

Philosophy consists very largely of one philosopher arguing that all other philosophers are jackasses. He usually proves it, and I should add that he also usually proves that he is one himself. --H.L. Mencken, American journalist, essayist, satirist (1880-1956)

 

It’s not so much what folks don’t know that causes problems; it’s what they do know that ain’t so. --Artemus Ward / C.F. Browne, American humorist (1834-67)

 

Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it. --Andre Gide, French author (1869-1951)

 

A fanatic is one who can’t change his mind and won’t change the subject. --Winston Churchill, British Prime Minister (1874-1965)

 

The secret of success is this: there is no secret of success.... Life is just one damned thing after another. --Elbert Hubbard, American author-artist-philosopher (1856-1915)

 

Only barbarians are not curious about where they come from, how they came to be where they are, where they appear to be going, whether they wish to go there, and if so, why, and if not, why not.--Isaiah Berlin, Latvian-British political philosopher (1909-97)

 

Don't be so humble; you are not that great. --Golda Meir, Israeli Prime Minister (1898-1978)

 

Humor distorts nothing, and only false gods are laughed off their earthly pedestals. --Agnes Repplier, American essayist (1855-1950)

 

"Egotist," noun: A person more interested in himself than in me. 

"Philosophy," noun: A route of many roads leading from nowhere to nothing. --Ambrose Bierce, American author-journalist (1842-1914)

 

I have a new philosophy. I'm only going to dread one day at a time. --Charles Schulz, American cartoonist (1922-2000)

 

Life is what happens while you are making other plans. --John Lennon, Beatles singer-composer (1940-1980)

 

The only reason some people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory. --Paul Fix, American actor (1901-83)

 

Being intelligent is not a felony. But most societies evaluate it as at least a misdemeanor. --Robert A. Heinlein, science fiction author (1907-88)

 

A long and wicked life followed by five minutes of perfect grace gets you into Heaven. An equally long life of decent living and good works followed by one outburst of taking the name of the Lord in vain-- then have a heart attack at that moment and be damned for eternity. Is that the system? --Robert A. Heinlein

 

In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move. --sci-fi author Douglas Adams (1952-2001)

 

An Inuit hunter asked the local missionary priest: "If I did not know about God and sin, would I go to hell?" "No," said the priest, "not if you did not know." "Then why," asked the Inuit earnestly, "did you tell me?" --Annie Dillard, American author (b.1945)

 

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I think it's ironic that the only people who claim that humans are too advanced to have evolved naturally are the ones who demonstrate the least advanced mode of thinking.--John Petrie 

 

Religious belief is a fine guide around which a person might organize his own life, but an awful instrument around which to organize someone else's life.--Richard D. Mohr

 

The price of freedom of religion, or of speech, or of the press, is that we must put up with a good deal of rubbish.--Robert Jackson

Philosophy is a set of questions that may never be answered. Religion (for most people) is a set of answers that may never be questioned. --anonymous

 

We seem to have enough youth. How about a fountain of smart? --The Vent

 

Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before. --Steven Wright

 

There is only one way to find out if a man is honest: ask him. If he says yes, you know he is crooked. --Groucho Marx

 

Add a few drops of malice to a half truth and you have an abso-lute truth. --Eric Hoffer, American social writer (1902-83)

 

God wants spiritual fruit, not religious nuts. --anonymous

 

Lord: Lead me not into temptation. I can find it myself. --anonymous

 

Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than going to the garage makes you a car. --anonymous

 

A wise man never knows all; only fools know everything. --Unknown

 

It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help. --Miss Manners

 

People who think they know everything are very irritating to those of us who do. --Unknown

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Replies

  • “Work out your own salvation. Do not depend on others.”

  • “Thousands of candles can be lit from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened.

    Happiness never decreases by being shared.”

  • “To understand everything is to forgive everything.”

    -Gautama Budhha

  • “That which does not kill us makes us stronger.”
    ― Friedrich Nietzsche

  • “Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect.”

    ― Mark Twain

  • “Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans.”
    ― John Lennon

  • “To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all.”
    ― Oscar Wilde

  • “Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.”
    ― Oscar Wilde

  • “You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.”
    ― Mae West

  • "Remove all ideas, all concepts, in order for the truth to have a chance to penetrate, to reveal itself.” 

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