Where I'm at - at the moment

I would love to just use my blog to vent beautiful, rational, precious messages, insight into things - positive energy - but I want to start my returning presence with an acknowledgment of the things that have passed by in my life recently, and that I feel have had an impact on my development.Less than 3 years ago, I met this suicidal guy over the internet. I fell in love with his sensitive nature, and left everything I owned in Sweden to come be with him in the states. That lasted for a little less than two years - due to his insecurities creating emotionally abusive behaviors towards the one person he trusted the most (me) - and I was unable to find a way to deal with it and ended up feeling bitter, because I didn't see how anything I did at first made me deserve such hurtful behaviors (I would come to act worse as I started feeling worse and may have felt that it was more validated at the end - none the less, it was nothing that was beneficial for either of us.)I now find myself in a new relationship, and due to some naivety on my behalf (and his too I guess) - I now find myself pregnant. I have always wanted to be a mom - I've always been a very caring soul - I'm just not sure this was the right time. Sure, I don't believe everything in life should be planned, and there will always be something wrong with the timing if that is what you want to focus upon. The main issue here is a personality difference between me and my partner, that I have yet to figure out what to do about. He is VERY rational, planned, and somewhat "contained". I on the other hand am very sensitive, very caring, very emotional - and I'm feeling somewhat emotionally deprived - hard for me to explain how, but that is my spontaneous description of how I feel...I actually just realized, after getting off the phone with my mom, that I've gone from appreciating my newfound "closeness" with her - to becoming more of a porcupine - defensive. I think that has do with how similar my new partner is to her, WITH all the traits that I really have a hard time handling around my mom.I guess the point being is that I don't know how happy I am where I am and I will need to figure out something - some source of energy, inspiration, or some kind of change, to make myself feel better. I think that is why I am here - kinda reaching out for the positive energy - even though I often find myself feeling guilty for not adding much of value (cant give what you don't have..), and sometimes worrying that my wish for inspiration is rather a darker force - a black hole or a monster eating up positive energy, without giving anything - thereby being a negative influence and a negative force that has little use or value. I'm just really lost as to how to find back to the light - to that positive feeling in life..I am leaving this public and opening myself up for any kind of criticism - hoping that something good might come out of this.
E-mail me when people leave their comments –

You need to be a member of Ashtar Command - Spiritual Community to add comments!

Join Ashtar Command - Spiritual Community

Blog Topics by Tags

  • - (955)

Monthly Archives

Latest Activity

Drekx Omega left a comment on Comment Wall
"🇺🇸🇮🇱👏🏻The good guys have killed that evil 3rd antichrist himself, Ali Khamenei, the so-called "Supreme Leader" of Iran...
He wanted death to Israel, Britain and the USA and got it for himself, instead...."Beware what you wish for," is what those who…"
6 minutes ago
AlternateEarth left a comment on Comment Wall
"Iranian leadership wiped out?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6A2UVks8DnU"
51 minutes ago
AlternateEarth left a comment on Comment Wall
"At least one of their ballistic missile facilities was destroyed yesterday-sabotage-lot's of sabotage in Iran over the past three weeks"
53 minutes ago
AlternateEarth commented on AlternateEarth's blog post Jack Dorsey’s AI Purge: 4,000 Jobs Axed as Investors Applaud
"Dorsey is a bad person-hurting people's live and the economy."
1 hour ago
Movella left a comment on Comment Wall
"Major relief to see the UK is a safe zone on the map.🌎 Feels inevitable after we called it out on here just recently, but still intense to see it play out. Expecting a swift and safe outcome for everyone out there."
2 hours ago
Love & Joy posted a discussion
 The Acceleration of Consciousness: Aligning With the Life We Truly Desire By Tori Cota-Robles In this video, we explore the palpable shift many of us are feeling right now, the acceleration of vibration, the quickening of awareness, and the lifting…
2 hours ago
Drekx Omega left a comment on Comment Wall
"If anyone wants to know Iranian ballistic missile ranges, for a variety of their missiles, see this map...
Good to see that the UK is beyond the range of their most powerful Khorramshahr types, at 3000 km...…"
3 hours ago
Drekx Omega left a comment on Comment Wall
"Looks like Nostradamus' predictions about a "man from Asia," the "third antichrist," and "Perse," are all true, as we observe the most evil regime on the planet, getting totally destroyed, as predicted...
The world will be better, much better,…"
4 hours ago
More…