Where I'm at - at the moment

I would love to just use my blog to vent beautiful, rational, precious messages, insight into things - positive energy - but I want to start my returning presence with an acknowledgment of the things that have passed by in my life recently, and that I feel have had an impact on my development.Less than 3 years ago, I met this suicidal guy over the internet. I fell in love with his sensitive nature, and left everything I owned in Sweden to come be with him in the states. That lasted for a little less than two years - due to his insecurities creating emotionally abusive behaviors towards the one person he trusted the most (me) - and I was unable to find a way to deal with it and ended up feeling bitter, because I didn't see how anything I did at first made me deserve such hurtful behaviors (I would come to act worse as I started feeling worse and may have felt that it was more validated at the end - none the less, it was nothing that was beneficial for either of us.)I now find myself in a new relationship, and due to some naivety on my behalf (and his too I guess) - I now find myself pregnant. I have always wanted to be a mom - I've always been a very caring soul - I'm just not sure this was the right time. Sure, I don't believe everything in life should be planned, and there will always be something wrong with the timing if that is what you want to focus upon. The main issue here is a personality difference between me and my partner, that I have yet to figure out what to do about. He is VERY rational, planned, and somewhat "contained". I on the other hand am very sensitive, very caring, very emotional - and I'm feeling somewhat emotionally deprived - hard for me to explain how, but that is my spontaneous description of how I feel...I actually just realized, after getting off the phone with my mom, that I've gone from appreciating my newfound "closeness" with her - to becoming more of a porcupine - defensive. I think that has do with how similar my new partner is to her, WITH all the traits that I really have a hard time handling around my mom.I guess the point being is that I don't know how happy I am where I am and I will need to figure out something - some source of energy, inspiration, or some kind of change, to make myself feel better. I think that is why I am here - kinda reaching out for the positive energy - even though I often find myself feeling guilty for not adding much of value (cant give what you don't have..), and sometimes worrying that my wish for inspiration is rather a darker force - a black hole or a monster eating up positive energy, without giving anything - thereby being a negative influence and a negative force that has little use or value. I'm just really lost as to how to find back to the light - to that positive feeling in life..I am leaving this public and opening myself up for any kind of criticism - hoping that something good might come out of this.
E-mail me when people leave their comments –

You need to be a member of Ashtar Command - Spiritual Community to add comments!

Join Ashtar Command - Spiritual Community

Blog Topics by Tags

  • - (955)

Monthly Archives

Latest Activity

rev.joshua skirvin posted a status
Mother ship found in Greenland !

"This Is Why Greenland Is SO Important''..." | Ashtar Command
GFL Station- you-tube
152K subscri
2 hours ago
rev.joshua skirvin commented on rev.joshua skirvin's blog post January 19, 2026: Waiting In The Waiting Game [videos] Starship Earth: The Big Picture.
"Funny, how both of these post happen at the same time. The video below is well worth seeing,as a back up from this one above that google messed up as you can see the vids did not show up

"This Is Why Greenland Is SO Important..." | Ashtar…"
2 hours ago
rev.joshua skirvin posted a blog post
   The battlefield is certainly getting interesting as 5th Dimensional Warfare and higher command the events. There’s also a lot of talk about ice. There was Susie Wiles the “Ice Maiden”, and followed by ICE agents rounding up illegal immigrants,…
3 hours ago
rev.joshua skirvin commented on rev.joshua skirvin's blog post Soul Whispers: Everything is a Response & : Anchoring Higher Light-Raising Your Frequency; by ~KejRaj.
"Soul Whispers: Integration
Featured;
Your Higher Self is bringing together, cleansing, and realigning all of your past and future timelines and experiences into this present moment. This integration is taking place to greatly support you through…"
4 hours ago
rev.joshua skirvin posted a status
the Archonic forces,& their puppets,who have chosen manipulation, exploitation,& the suffering of others-r approaching a profound r
4 hours ago
rev.joshua skirvin posted a status
for many individuals r awakening from a place of deep unconsciousness.The very structures they once defended are collapsing beneath them.
4 hours ago
rev.joshua skirvin posted a status
Each of u was seeded with the living light of the Prime Creator,encoded within ur very cells,a divine spark that has always been a part of u
4 hours ago
rev.joshua skirvin posted a blog post
 Greetings beloved ones, we are the Pleiadian Council of Light.It is always wonderful to connect with all of you. Thank you for this transmission.We come forward now to speak to the deep knowing that is stirring within your soul, awakening the…
4 hours ago
More…