Where I'm at - at the moment

I would love to just use my blog to vent beautiful, rational, precious messages, insight into things - positive energy - but I want to start my returning presence with an acknowledgment of the things that have passed by in my life recently, and that I feel have had an impact on my development.Less than 3 years ago, I met this suicidal guy over the internet. I fell in love with his sensitive nature, and left everything I owned in Sweden to come be with him in the states. That lasted for a little less than two years - due to his insecurities creating emotionally abusive behaviors towards the one person he trusted the most (me) - and I was unable to find a way to deal with it and ended up feeling bitter, because I didn't see how anything I did at first made me deserve such hurtful behaviors (I would come to act worse as I started feeling worse and may have felt that it was more validated at the end - none the less, it was nothing that was beneficial for either of us.)I now find myself in a new relationship, and due to some naivety on my behalf (and his too I guess) - I now find myself pregnant. I have always wanted to be a mom - I've always been a very caring soul - I'm just not sure this was the right time. Sure, I don't believe everything in life should be planned, and there will always be something wrong with the timing if that is what you want to focus upon. The main issue here is a personality difference between me and my partner, that I have yet to figure out what to do about. He is VERY rational, planned, and somewhat "contained". I on the other hand am very sensitive, very caring, very emotional - and I'm feeling somewhat emotionally deprived - hard for me to explain how, but that is my spontaneous description of how I feel...I actually just realized, after getting off the phone with my mom, that I've gone from appreciating my newfound "closeness" with her - to becoming more of a porcupine - defensive. I think that has do with how similar my new partner is to her, WITH all the traits that I really have a hard time handling around my mom.I guess the point being is that I don't know how happy I am where I am and I will need to figure out something - some source of energy, inspiration, or some kind of change, to make myself feel better. I think that is why I am here - kinda reaching out for the positive energy - even though I often find myself feeling guilty for not adding much of value (cant give what you don't have..), and sometimes worrying that my wish for inspiration is rather a darker force - a black hole or a monster eating up positive energy, without giving anything - thereby being a negative influence and a negative force that has little use or value. I'm just really lost as to how to find back to the light - to that positive feeling in life..I am leaving this public and opening myself up for any kind of criticism - hoping that something good might come out of this.
E-mail me when people leave their comments –

You need to be a member of Ashtar Command - Spiritual Community to add comments!

Join Ashtar Command - Spiritual Community

Blog Topics by Tags

  • - (955)

Monthly Archives

Latest Activity

David posted a blog post
                                                    THE CONSCIOUSNESS OF NATUREPeople believe that nature is unconscious, but they are mistaken. Poor people!“CHILDREN OF THE EARTH! Listen to your instructors, the Children of Fire…”“Kings and queens…
12 hours ago
Drekx Omega commented on Drekx Omega's video
"Five of the ancient Sumerian tablets contained information, specifically intended for OUR TIME...21st century....The text described a transfer of knowledge, not a divine gift from gods to humans, which was the standard Sumerian literary motif, but a…"
13 hours ago
Drekx Omega left a comment on Comment Wall
"Sound can be used to enhance, or diminish health......Sound harmonics can be used to levitate vast granite blocks into exact spaces, but at different frequencies, within harmonically proportioned chambers, sound transmitted at certain frequencies…"
16 hours ago
Drekx Omega left a comment on Comment Wall
"Yes friend, you're doing a great job and I find it baffling that most members on AC, continue to remain silent about your videos...They might be coy in general, but could make at least one comment, even if in limited wording..."
16 hours ago
Drekx Omega replied to Justin89636's discussion Anything Health Related
"In the UK, the NHS are still giving covid19 shots to people, such as "individuals at the highest risk of serious illness or hospitalization." Three years ago, Dr Aseem Malhotra made a request to fully cease the continuing covid vaxx rollout, but was…"
16 hours ago
AlternateEarth left a comment on Comment Wall
"Thanks Drexk-you would think all 14000 members here -or whatever the number is-would be all over the Tau Ceti posts-you can see them as scout ships-I think- and watch how the pilots expand the holograms of themselves then give a light show, then…"
16 hours ago
Drekx Omega left a comment on Comment Wall
"More genuine medical expert coverage, from UK provided useful testimony, to the US Congress committee, anent the harms caused to SARS-CoV-2 mRNA, vaxxed patients...This time, Dr Campbell shows the statements in Congress, by Dr Aseem Malhotra,…"
17 hours ago
Drekx Omega replied to Justin89636's discussion Anything Health Related
"More genuine medical expert coverage, from UK provided useful testimony, to the US Congress committee, anent the harms caused to SARS-CoV-2 mRNA, vaxxed patients...This time, Dr Campbell shows the statements in Congress, by Dr Aseem Malhotra,…"
17 hours ago
More…