Spiritual Blogs

Where I'm at - at the moment

Posted by Charlotte Jones on June 19, 2009 at 1:43am
I would love to just use my blog to vent beautiful, rational, precious messages, insight into things - positive energy - but I want to start my returning presence with an acknowledgment of the things that have passed by in my life recently, and that I feel have had an impact on my development.Less than 3 years ago, I met this suicidal guy over the internet. I fell in love with his sensitive nature, and left everything I owned in Sweden to come be with him in the states. That lasted for a little less than two years - due to his insecurities creating emotionally abusive behaviors towards the one person he trusted the most (me) - and I was unable to find a way to deal with it and ended up feeling bitter, because I didn't see how anything I did at first made me deserve such hurtful behaviors (I would come to act worse as I started feeling worse and may have felt that it was more validated at the end - none the less, it was nothing that was beneficial for either of us.)I now find myself in a new relationship, and due to some naivety on my behalf (and his too I guess) - I now find myself pregnant. I have always wanted to be a mom - I've always been a very caring soul - I'm just not sure this was the right time. Sure, I don't believe everything in life should be planned, and there will always be something wrong with the timing if that is what you want to focus upon. The main issue here is a personality difference between me and my partner, that I have yet to figure out what to do about. He is VERY rational, planned, and somewhat "contained". I on the other hand am very sensitive, very caring, very emotional - and I'm feeling somewhat emotionally deprived - hard for me to explain how, but that is my spontaneous description of how I feel...I actually just realized, after getting off the phone with my mom, that I've gone from appreciating my newfound "closeness" with her - to becoming more of a porcupine - defensive. I think that has do with how similar my new partner is to her, WITH all the traits that I really have a hard time handling around my mom.I guess the point being is that I don't know how happy I am where I am and I will need to figure out something - some source of energy, inspiration, or some kind of change, to make myself feel better. I think that is why I am here - kinda reaching out for the positive energy - even though I often find myself feeling guilty for not adding much of value (cant give what you don't have..), and sometimes worrying that my wish for inspiration is rather a darker force - a black hole or a monster eating up positive energy, without giving anything - thereby being a negative influence and a negative force that has little use or value. I'm just really lost as to how to find back to the light - to that positive feeling in life..I am leaving this public and opening myself up for any kind of criticism - hoping that something good might come out of this.
Views: 68
E-mail me when people leave their comments –
Follow

You need to be a member of Ashtar Command - Spiritual Community to add comments!

Join Ashtar Command - Spiritual Community

Latest Blog Posts

Most Popular Blog Posts

Blog Topics by Tags

  • - (955)

Monthly Archives

Latest Activity

rev.joshua skirvin posted a blog post
Pleiadian Collective & the 5th-Dimensional Arcturian Council: Anchoring the Frequencies of the Central Sun in the Planetary Grid; Channel: Octavia Vasile | Source.
 Beloved ones, we greet you in the language of light that lives already inside your cells, the language that remembers the moment you first entered form on this planet. We speak now as the Pleiadian Collective and the Arcturian Council of the fifth…
See More
1 hour ago
rev.joshua skirvin posted a blog post
Andromeda Intergalactic Council: No More; Channel: Chellea Wilder | Source.
 Greetings in the Light and Love, of our Infinite Creator.We enjoy the moments we share with all of you. Thank you for this Transmission.In these recent passages of your linear time, you have been immersed in powerful and often conflicting energetic…
See More
1 hour ago
Edward left a comment on Comment Wall
"Yeah...right...thanks....."
2 hours ago
rev.joshua skirvin commented on AlternateEarth's blog post Jesus Taught Why Chosen Ones Have Ringing Ears -- It's The Frequency Of The Monad
"Well AE if you like the UB ,you should read the part about the Holy Spirit. It will explain the True meaning of ringing in your ears.I have been studying it sense 1972 in college. Also read the book '' A course in Miracles'' by Jesus himself., which…"
2 hours ago
AlternateEarth commented on AlternateEarth's blog post Jesus Taught Why Chosen Ones Have Ringing Ears -- It's The Frequency Of The Monad
"I like the Urantia Book -even if it's long winded. How was the Urantia Book written? We don't know. I forget the man's name, the guy who says he found it on a table in his house one morning. Just magically appeared."
10 hours ago
Drekx Omega left a comment on Comment Wall
"If Starmer won't, or can't, proscribe the IRGC, he is proving to the UK's people and those of the world, that he is unfit for office...CALL A UK GENERAL ELECTION NOW.....

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x-MpRlx2CGQ"
14 hours ago
AlternateEarth left a comment on Comment Wall
"https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XAR4G1BXX1k"
15 hours ago
AlternateEarth left a comment on Comment Wall
"Britain’s new “mind-reading” and behavior-predicting surveillance system turns every citizen into a suspect
https://www.naturalnews.com/2026-01-13-britain-new-surveillance-sys..."
17 hours ago
More…

New Forum Posts