Spiritual Blogs

Where I'm at - at the moment

Posted by Charlotte Jones on June 19, 2009 at 1:43am
I would love to just use my blog to vent beautiful, rational, precious messages, insight into things - positive energy - but I want to start my returning presence with an acknowledgment of the things that have passed by in my life recently, and that I feel have had an impact on my development.Less than 3 years ago, I met this suicidal guy over the internet. I fell in love with his sensitive nature, and left everything I owned in Sweden to come be with him in the states. That lasted for a little less than two years - due to his insecurities creating emotionally abusive behaviors towards the one person he trusted the most (me) - and I was unable to find a way to deal with it and ended up feeling bitter, because I didn't see how anything I did at first made me deserve such hurtful behaviors (I would come to act worse as I started feeling worse and may have felt that it was more validated at the end - none the less, it was nothing that was beneficial for either of us.)I now find myself in a new relationship, and due to some naivety on my behalf (and his too I guess) - I now find myself pregnant. I have always wanted to be a mom - I've always been a very caring soul - I'm just not sure this was the right time. Sure, I don't believe everything in life should be planned, and there will always be something wrong with the timing if that is what you want to focus upon. The main issue here is a personality difference between me and my partner, that I have yet to figure out what to do about. He is VERY rational, planned, and somewhat "contained". I on the other hand am very sensitive, very caring, very emotional - and I'm feeling somewhat emotionally deprived - hard for me to explain how, but that is my spontaneous description of how I feel...I actually just realized, after getting off the phone with my mom, that I've gone from appreciating my newfound "closeness" with her - to becoming more of a porcupine - defensive. I think that has do with how similar my new partner is to her, WITH all the traits that I really have a hard time handling around my mom.I guess the point being is that I don't know how happy I am where I am and I will need to figure out something - some source of energy, inspiration, or some kind of change, to make myself feel better. I think that is why I am here - kinda reaching out for the positive energy - even though I often find myself feeling guilty for not adding much of value (cant give what you don't have..), and sometimes worrying that my wish for inspiration is rather a darker force - a black hole or a monster eating up positive energy, without giving anything - thereby being a negative influence and a negative force that has little use or value. I'm just really lost as to how to find back to the light - to that positive feeling in life..I am leaving this public and opening myself up for any kind of criticism - hoping that something good might come out of this.
Views: 68
E-mail me when people leave their comments –
Follow

You need to be a member of Ashtar Command - Spiritual Community to add comments!

Join Ashtar Command - Spiritual Community

Latest Blog Posts

Most Popular Blog Posts

Blog Topics by Tags

  • - (955)

Monthly Archives

Latest Activity

Drekx Omega replied to Ara's discussion Pentagon Secret Files: Four Alien Species Revealed in Self Rising Spirit Group
"It's a shame that whenever the topic of ETs and UAPs are discussed in US administration circles, they always have to include some nutty, fuzzy image, with a blurred out flying craft, or some nut wearing a rubber suit...looking as much like a grey…"
4 minutes ago
Drekx Omega left a comment on Comment Wall
"Hehe..that's true, friend...😁"
6 minutes ago
Justin89636 left a comment on Comment Wall
"On the bright side Drekx atleast they are not giving us images of demons since some of them have said they think ET's are demons. Such primitive dumbasses some folks in government are lol."
7 minutes ago
Justin89636 left a comment on Comment Wall
"And heres Part 2. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B4X4GXs2AUQ"
11 minutes ago
Justin89636 left a comment on Comment Wall
"AE I just remembered I posted these a while back on my Sheldan Nidle page I think you will enjoy this presentation Sheldan Did On GFL and Anchara Alliance ships. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8mp9ekXP5aY"
12 minutes ago
Drekx Omega left a comment on Comment Wall
"It's a shame that whenever the topic of ETs and UAPs are discussed in US administration circles, they always have to include some nutty, fuzzy image, with a blurred out flying craft, or some nut wearing a rubber suit...looking as much like a grey…"
14 minutes ago
Justin89636 left a comment on Comment Wall
"I would imagine these ships use aetheric energy to travel across the cosmos. Drekx would know more how they travel than I do. Hopefully he can give us answers."
16 minutes ago
AlternateEarth left a comment on Comment Wall
"What about propulsion?"
20 minutes ago
More…

New Forum Posts