Comments

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  Zanando June 23, 2011 at 2:57am

  Here you go Exo.  It looks like you missed this post of mine.

   

  http://www.ashtarcommandcrew.net/profiles/blogs/how-being-nice-is-g...

   

  and it was low self-esteem.  You're right.  that's the kind of "nice" this blog is referring to.
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  Exo June 23, 2011 at 2:46am

  Being nice doesn't necessarily mean that you cannot show your point of view. Being nice means that even if you disagree with the other person, you can express your disagreement in a diplomatic way without being rude.

   

  Being nice doesn't mean that you cannot give genuine, honest feedback. Being nice means that you can give a genuine and honest feedback in a nice way again without being rude.

   

  You have a distorted view of how a nice person acts, Zanando. I am a nice person but how you described a nice person doesn't fit into me. What you are describing is a person with a low self esteem.
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  Geo:) June 23, 2011 at 2:43am

  (edited)
  cool zan, somtimes I recognize that attempting to be a buffer on my part is not the wisest move as I, um, may not be the swiftest cookie on this site, and I may screw things up and feel really guilty afterwards, yes yes, lift your head from the face palm down there, hehehe
  
  but I do the dumb thing and spread, (what I vew as my stupidity), anyway, at least to maybe create that notion of a more level playing field or something, and I must fail at this alot, I always feel like a big idiot when I turn the story in a ugly direction, and yes, I gotta say, I really felt like shit when I did that, yes, (a brand)
  
  as yes, my little brain kicked in afterwards
  
  I miss the mark alot as I always go on my buffer tangent, but I'm glad I have found some significant insight this time, thankyou zan.
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  Zanando June 23, 2011 at 2:06am

  Thanks Form-Lost! I love the way you break it down.

   

  My mom gave me this piece of information, and I wanted to share it.  The posting was generated by the following conversation:

   

  Mom: Hey check this out! This reminds me of you!

  Me: let me see.  Oh cool!!! I'm gonna share this! Thanks mom!

  Me: type type type type type type post

   

  Then: I'm branded to be conceited, bigoted, arrogant, condescending, a know-it-all, a dark-worker, etc.

   

  I didn't care that I was being branded.  I'm stronger than other peoples opinions of me, ESPECIALLY when they have no idea who I am, what I look like, what I've done with my life, my relationship with my friends, family, acquaintences, and strangers, my education, where I was raised, etc.

   

  I've been the nice guy all my life, and have been single all my life because of it (until about 3 months ago when I met the love of my life), so I had a deep appreciation for the intimacy issues this blog pointed out.

   

  Never did I think that I would be attacked for generalizing anything.  I was merely sharing something that has spoken to me and that gave me hope about how I didn't have to be nice if I was feeling sad or confused or angry.  I wanted to share that with the group.

   

  But after the whole thing set ablaze, it reminded me of my entire life history of misunderstandings that left me alone and scared.  This time I decided I would not be scared, but I would do what it took to shed some light on the matter, and I didn't care what I looked like in the process.

   

  I recently posted a 10 things that are great about being nice blog, as a counterweight to this one, because there are ALWAYS two sides to the same coin.  The fact that I didn't mention any of the positives in this blog is something I notice now, but I already knew the positives and wanted to share the negatives, because the negative aspects of being nice were what led me to find more peace and strength in myself.

   

  Anyways, THANK YOU FORM-LOST, for asking me what I meant, because the biggest assumptions every one made in this blog was MY INTENTIONS AND MY BELIEFS, which many on this site whom claim to be of light and love decided was against their personal agenda and belief, and therefore should be ridiculed.

   

  I don't mind. I love you all.  But I love myself more, because I will not stand for truth being warped or innocents being taken advantage of, and that is enough for me to love myself more than any other's opinion.
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  Geo:) June 23, 2011 at 1:46am

  oh. . . I forgot to ask

  Zanando, what did you mean by your article here?
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  Geo:) June 23, 2011 at 1:30am

  well the reasons behind what we each say, this has been going on for eons in this site, I think we have always answered this the same way over and over, and now we are doing the war, over and over again, its the same conflict told in many different ways on this site, and through history etc
  
  I see this as the intention of this blog by Zanando , he wanted to get to the meat, the end, the gut, the finishing of it. . . possible? crazy?. . . hehehe, no,
  
  balls?. . . ahh
  
  I am pretty sure their was a large yet highly unnoticeable mis-communication near the end their, I think this almost always happens and is the dumb way these things always end in, this same kind of situation
  
  anyhow, if their is an "answer", than I see this "answer" as the conflict, and all of us are doing it, we each of us are drawn to this because we seek to draw closer to there other, this is actually truth, even though this may seem like an impossibility to even see
  
  the reason that such "cliques" as they have been called are here is for a very real reason, and the largest part, (if not whole part?), of this reason is owed to all the people here who have created it, this community here
  
  I see the "conflict" or struggle as the method, ongoingly to each by our own wills, transforming that fire storm in us each into that beam of light or whatnot, (whatever it is)
  
  and so we jump in, and two reasons, we want to give this struggle to others to see, and the other reason is to meet the curiosity of learning our own struggle, ourselfs, in other words, each of our own insite has drawn us here and each our own need to show/give the struggle to the other is another draw to why we are here
  
  
  I wonder if we can build a "bridge"
  
  or. . .
  
  has the bridge been here, all along. . . ? and that is what we each have been doing on this site all along? hmmmm, perhaps we should give ourselfs a bit more credit?
  
  I think their has always been a level of unsaid awareness that everybody just knows, and knows is true, and no one needs to say it, maybe ever really
  
  
  
  ahh, now am I on to something here
  
  (their are colossal gaps and incorrect assumptions by me on all this writing, but I think kel has the name of the game for the process before us, if their will be one, beyond what I have been yapping about)
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  Zanando June 22, 2011 at 10:58pm

  I don't know everything people.  But I don't know nothing.  I pointed out the gap between us with this blog.  Now I am trying to bridge it, by going half way.  

   

  Will nobody meet me half way?  I thought that was how it worked.  Each person contributes to fix a relationship, and there is no "right" and "wrong", only lessons.  I learn things every day.  and again, I admit, I don't know everything.  we generalize because statistically it makes sense.

   

  so much resentment because of what a silly person has said.  no wonder this world is full of war. 

   

  Well that wont' be the case for much longer.  War has served it's purpose, and War is sick of it now.

   

  Although these petty arguments sicken and hurt me, I continue to respond because I care.  I would rather we come to a mutual agreement of sorts, even if it is to agree to disagree for the moment.  I prefer to understand full context, however, so that I may better myself, my decisions, my actions, and my words.

   

  So, to all of you who assume, it happens.  For all of those who avoid conflict, it happens.

   

  We can change only because we want to change.  Who is anybody trying to convince here?

   

  I'm trying to convince to myself that relationships can be bridged even when born through misconceptions from both parties.  I am curious as to whether that is true in this case.
• 

  Zanando June 22, 2011 at 10:48pm

  I don't live in New York.  Nor was I raised there.  Thanks for assuming that, though =)

   

  Again, why don't you ask?
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  Zanando June 22, 2011 at 9:53pm

  I learn what I learn, and I do what I do.  So should all of you =)

   

  more importantly, we should strive to understand WHY it is we do what we do.

   

  Observing is half the battle.  How many people in this group have ASKED me what I meant?

   

  none.  Now THAT is sad.
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  Richard Budd June 22, 2011 at 7:47pm

  Hi Zanando

   

  From a bloke that has defined his whole life from the point of view of being nice....thanks (see what i did there!!) Pushing buttons is a wonderful talent and i guess thats some of what we are here for; what character flaw can i help you with? That response comes from number 5.

   

  Being honest with you as nice people tend to do i am trying to write this without being too grateful for helping my learning process, too contrary from defending my niceness or too spiteful heaping it back on you.

   

  Oh forget my intellectual journey and ego; all that remains for me to say is "Thanks" and "sorry" for stifling your growth!!

   

  Rich