Part 5
I had to take a few days off since my last post. Trying to put all of this into words hasn't been an easy task... it has brought up a few things I hadn't previously considered, and I needed time to reflect. I have also had contact with another eidetic and it was, well, insightful.
I mentioned that I was becoming an empath, let me quantify that statement... and maybe someone here can shed some light on it...
It started about 3 years ago... I started to feel things that I just could not get a grip on, because they were not my emotions. I was feeling anger, animosity, hatred, and those are emotions I rarely feel... I am a very laid back, never holding a grudge kind of person. I forgive very easily, I hate no one (hatred is an emotion that I abhor) and try to keep a light heart at all times. It seriously bothered me. Why was I feeling this? I was around angry people... and it seemed as though I was the only one that felt it... outwardly, they seemed like happy people, but I saw through it...
I started to feel "collective" emotions... the mutual feelings of a populace... it freaked me out. I withdrew again. I could not bear to let others "in" to my world, so to speak... afraid to hurt others...
Moreover, my memories have started to become emotionally charged. Memories I have carried for so many years with no emotional attachment have, at times, been so gut-wrenching recently that I just cry.
Even worse, I feel at times that I am carrying the entire world's sorrows... I see the news everyday and what I see is a planet in pain. It hurts me physically to hear stories of atrocities committed day in and day out against the innocent. THAT hurts me more than anything, the death of the innocent. It saddens me profoundly, at the core of my being. I truly believe that the WORST sin committed by us is the murder of the innocent... and I see cases of it in the news everyday.
I barely even watch the news anymore. I know I will remember and feel it later... and it is getting too painful.
I have a very gentle soul. I do not like to hurt others. I know I have hurt others at times (we are human and make mistakes), and I have prayed for forgiveness. The eidetic memory just refuses to let some things go, so I still feel like I carry those mistakes and always will. It is what it is. It seems for now to be part of my journey. My cross to bear.
I really feel that humanity is at a crossroads... our time is an interesting one (an old Chinese curse Art Bell used to quote... "may you live in interesting times"... we most certainly do.)
The interesting conversation I had was with another eidetic... she seems to think that I am a "wanderer"; a soul sent here as an observer by my own free will from another place in space-time, as she claims that she is. Is it in the realm of possibilities? From what I have seen in my time here, yeah... it is. I am not discounting anything anymore. I am so open for any suggestions...
She also seems to think that this is part of a "last incarnation"... and eidetics on their last "trip" are here to find their "spiritual twin"... I hope when I finally meet her, that she isn't as neurotic as me... :) as long as she is a gentle soul as I am, I think we will get along just fine...
Thank you again for letting me sound off, and for your positive comments. I hope one of you out there can offer me some guidance or direction, because I feel really lost in all of this at times...
I mentioned that my memory is mostly auditory... one song that just keeps coming to mind in these times is a song by Phil Collins... We Said Hello, Goodbye...
Like we are about to say goodbye to an older age and move on... I feel like it is SO close... right around the corner... I have hope for us :)
Peace, my friends,
Doug
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