I'm aware I've been spotted on my 'return' by some of my old friends, but regrettably, I can't say I'm making a full-on return to ACC at this time.
I don't wish to go into a protracted explanation, but I do feel I've left people hanging a bit in my withdrawal. Suffice to say, I reached a point where being on ACC no longer uplifted me. Rather, it does the opposite. When I am here, I feel like I am in the belly of the beast. I might as well be at 'work', slaving away for the corporation that presently 'employs' me.
There are many silver-tongued deceivers, not just here but in many places. Some of them quite celebrated. I won't go into detail out of respect for the atmosphere of the community but suffice to say it just isn't a welcoming atmosphere anymore. Perhaps that could change, maybe someone will yank me out from under my rock, but I feel I can only stand to check up from time to time at most.
Know that in the lessons I have learned here and elsewhere between the time of my joining and now, I have learned to value honesty and integrity on a high level... even if many take it for granted, perhaps claiming the same in automated clockwork fashion, even if they do not reflect this in their actual actions.
People needn't be deceivers, they needn't say insincere things and mislead others, they needn't judge so much or be so hateful. Bad experiences tend to poison things for me and "ruin it" so to speak. Its the way I am wired. I have a rapid immune response, if you can look at it that way. I don't need to burn my hand on the same stove more than once. Since I have such tendencies, these experiences have made it such that even if I'm in a grand mood, and I spend a bit of time on ACC, I soon find myself depressed and dwelling in thoughts of the past.
So I have come to realize something, because I have learned to trust in the highest power, who has become more and more evidently present in my life in recent days. My journey has been more blessed than I was ever formerly able to recognize, and I now see that even painful lessons are necessary in order to learn MY truth, MY gift, and MY destiny in God's plan. Though I still work to resolve much within me, I have come a long way in recognizing my blessings, and most importantly: learning to trust in the higher power that blesses my path. I am not alone, even if every mortal body turns from me. This is a greater peace of mind than I can describe.
There may come a time when I feel more comfortable and spend more time here again. I can't predict for certain, and I may even start posting some things... but I am still brought down if I linger. I have much love for my beautiful friends here, so its regrettable, though I do hope to keep in better touch. To those friends: don't be a stranger!
Indeed, if I were worth nothing as some believe, why would God spend his time on me? In the end, it is only the sincere gifts that mean anything. Too many people just pantomime through social interactions while blanketing some ulterior motive, deceiving... and those persons have my pity, for they too have quite a long way to go. The difference between myself and them is... I'm able to recognize said fact about myself. I'm no guru.
Just an awakening starseed on his path to true self.
To all, even those who disdain me, I wish all the blessings and healing you need and want. I truly wish for a world where we all learn how to behave as the one united family we in fact are.
Much love,
~Ikse
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