This is a hard one to admit on here, but I'll go ahead and do it anyway.
My ex and I split up very recently, and it ended worse than any relationship I've had. We were together 1 1/2 years only, but had so many adventures together...
She got into the party scene, made 'friends', did drugs... and things just went downhill from there. One day we went to a party and she ended up on a stripper pole. That was fine and dandy, till she started making out with 6-7 people that night. I expressed my disdain.. but still it continued.
The very next night, at another party... she ends up in an orgy with several people that I knew, one even had an STD.
After that, i despised her. Our relationship wasn't he same. She wouldn't even speak to me barely. The next event we went to, she admitted she had a crush on a guy she'd be talking to for 2 months. The next week she slept with him, and bragged about how much of a fantasy he was.
I snapped...
I regret the last words I ever said to her... but not before stepping in front of an oncoming train. I can still hear the train horn in my head... i couldn't take anymore... but obviously I missed that train, and headed over to a friends house where I cried for many, many hours.
What I really need help is easing these nightmares.. meditation... anything except Western medicine. I keep waking up in a cold sweat, remember all the horrid details. In my dreams, no matter the situation, she's still as slutty. This hurt far worse than what anyone else had done before me. Even moreso than the actual physical scars my ex-wife left on my upper arms (tons.)
Any advice will help... please...
Comments
Thank you all so much for the love and comments... I sure need it these days. Last night was the first night I didn't have nightmares, but I did wake up with a terrible stomach ache at 1:00am, and felt drained all day.
I'm wishing for tonight to be a FULL night of sleep.
Anyway, I love you all!!
Blessings to you look for someone who soothes your soul in the eyes youll see
I am so sorry to hear of the painful experience you have gone through. I can only suggest that you ask Archangel Michael to use his sword to cut away any negative cords between the two of you. This, at least, will free you from the energetic bonds between you. It will then, hopefully, be easier for you to move on and receive healing. I will send Angels of Healing your way my friend.
Be gentle with yourself and know you are surrounded by Love and Light.
God bless you,
Mary Serena x
I would suggest that U thank her and send her lots of gratitude for playing that horrible role to let U evolve. Afterall You did arrange for this experience to be lived out while here and to me it seems she did that just perfectly. Then You put yourself in her shoes and find the "gain" once You have that U go back in your own shoes and find your "gain". When that is done U forgive her and forgive yourself. Then U transmute all the negative feelings associated with this particular experience through Your heart and move on.
Sounds simple, and honestly... it is... once U get the hang of emotional clearing and transmutations.. If needed I can point You to a few very good sites that will help You get started ans "see You through" ;-)
Namaste
We are spirits experiencing all the details of the human experience.
So as a spirit, people want to know what it's like to be human, to experience different sexual relationships. No one has complete ownership of a person and can really never stop them from wanting to know what sex is like with another human. No one owns another person.
(Perhaps the bragging was insensitive on her part?) But still, we must let people go and just 'experience'. Love is not always involved when it comes to just having sex with another person, as a person could just feel a sexual attraction only, yet no emotional connection. People are going to do what they will as they have free will choice.
We can only step back and let go, and allow them to 'experience'.
Oh Brett, I'm so sorry you experienced this, it sounds traumatic, you don't deserve to be a part of that scene. I think alot of addicts are experiencing a sort of explosion of "need" a need to fill themselves up so they don't feel that emptiness where Source is, and what happens is that when you fill yourself up with whatever physical sensation that pleases you (temporarily) it eventually stops working because you build up an immunity... that's why addictive behaviour escalates. Your ex is trying to fill a space inside that will never be filled, not by any human other than herself, until she learns true self love and connects to the god within, she will bear the consequences of that action through karma. She's not just hurting you but herself... how sad.
You can heal your nightmares in a few ways, depending on how you operate with things. If you are a strong person I suggest diving deep and investigating why you were with her in the first place... one has to take a good look at oneself to grow from experiences, you live it, then you analyze it and then you change... if you are experienced with meditation I suggest the Lavender Flame of Quan Yin, google her and you shall see why.
The nightmares are an indication of guilt, I'm not sure why you feel responsible for her but I wonder if you are taking on her karma instead of your own. The fact that you did not want to live is a concern as it means you are not connecting to Source as well... what do you do for fun? What feeds your spirit? Music? Poetry? Art? I would find something that nourishes my spirit - you know how when you break up you listen to sad love songs? It eases the feelings inside you and allows you to release the emotions without blowing up, women do this because we're raised with emotions but men are only beginning to experience the healthy expression of emotions, most of our dads were the strong silent type, men aren't allowed to express how they feel unless it is aggression/anger.
Keep in mind that separations are occuring on all levels... in my realtime life I've seen people breaking up, committing suicide, passing away, moving, getting fired or new jobs... gosh I could go on... regardless of the changes KNOW deep down that you are part of something, you are connected to earth, and to each of us.. you're just waking up from a long sleep... if you want to punish her then you know you still have work to do, I heard once that when you are grateful for an experience is when you have fully moved passed it. Once you reach that level of - Oh, so this is what I was supposed to learn- then you'll know its truly over.
Good luck, Brett, and god bless, thank you for sharing something so important, perhaps we're helping someone else going through the same thing right now :)
Hi Brett,
I feel for you brother!
I know it's easier said than done but try to stay positive and just focus on all the good things in your life : )
My heart was badly broken a long time ago, we got back together but I had nightmares about him cheating on me for years afterwards. I'm pretty sure I'm over it now after 13 years and two kids together, but it can be so hard to forget (even when you think you've forgiven and moved on). I'm not saying you should take her back though, only you can decide that but I do think you deserve to be treated better.
Just remember you are always loved and cherished more than you could imagine. Whenever I'm in despair I call upon my guides and angels for support and they never fail to comfort me in my darkest hour. I can also highly recommend invoking the Violet Flame to transmute any problems, and rebirthing is a simple breathing technique which is very effective for clearing emotional blocks aswell. Listening to beautiful music and using meditation art may help too.
Good luck on your journey! : )
I wish you peace and happiness and will be sending many blessings your way...
~XOX~
Meditation Art:
'Labyrinth Of The Healing Heart'-
www.omvillage.com/meditation/labyrinth-of-the-healing-heart.htm
www.healing.about.com
www.mandalahealingart.com
www.dreamingconex.us/gallery/healing-art