Excerpts from a Dog & Cat's Diary
>
> EXCERPTS FROM A DOG'S DIARY
> Day number 180
> 8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
> 9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
> 9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
> 10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
> 11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
> 12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
> 1:00 pm - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!
> 4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
> 5:00 PM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
> 5:30 PM - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!
> Day number 181
> 8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
> 9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
> 9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
> 10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
> 11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
> 12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
> 1:00 pm - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!
> 4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
> 5:00 PM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
> 5:30 PM - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!
> Day number 182
> 8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
> 9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
> 9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
> 10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
> 11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
> 12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
> 1:00 pm - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!
> 1:30 pm - boohoo. bath. bummer.
> 4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
> 5:00 PM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
> 5:30 PM - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!
>
> EXCERPTS FROM A CAT'S DIARY
>
> DAY 752 - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They
> dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing
> that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from
> ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.
> DAY 761 - Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet
> while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs.
> In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced
> myself to vomit on their FAVORITE chair...must try this on their bed.
> DAY 765 - Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in
> attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their
> hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was .....Hmmm.
> Not working according to plan.
> DAY 768 - I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen
> for the water torture. This time however it included a burning foamy chemical
> called "shampoo." What sick minds could invent such a liquid. My only consolation
> is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth.
> DAY 771 - There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was
> placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise
> and smell the foul odor of the glass tubes they call "beer". More importantly
> I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies." Must learn
> what this is and how to use it to my advantage.
> DAY 774 - I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe
> snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to
> return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird on the other hand has got
> to be an informant, and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he
> reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room
> his safety is assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter of time...

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Comments

  • lmao!!

     

  • Oh this is so evil cat.

    Makes me think of Pinky and the Brain.... Love that show

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