Being Born a Little Brother

I think I understand why I was born a little brother.

 

I always wondered why my older brother never looked out for me.  I mean, he was my older brother.  He was supposed to take me under his wing and make me feel protected, especially since my father was never around.

 

I didn't  understand why he wouldn't reach out to me, show me new things, help inspire me.

 

So I started to annoy him on purpose.

 

I poked him when nobody was looking, then got him in trouble when he retaliated, laughing the whole time.  I would laugh at him when he tried a new style, but only because I was too afraid to ask him what it meant to try out new things and not be part of the crowd for once.

 

Instead of asking my brother questions, I prodded him with annoyances.

 

I poked, and prodded, cursed, and pranced as a little brother.

 

I demanded all the attention as the little brother.

 

I could do no wrong as the little brother.

 

I was miserably lonely as the little brother.

 

 

Then, about two months ago, I found out I was not alone.

 

and about a month ago, I discovered what love truly meant

 

and today I discovered I was an older brother.

 

 

and that I did not pay attention to my brother as I should have.  He needed me most when his father wasn't there and his mother was hellbent on destruction.  I didn't know how to be there for him.  I was frightened myself.  I didn't understand what was going either, but I pretended like I did, because I felt I had to be strong.

 

I was weak.

 

I'm sorry Reiz, my little brother, for any offenses I have caused you in the past.  I didn't mean for this to happen this way, as I'm sure none of us did.  But the reason we are all coming together now is because the past is the past, and I don't want to push you away anymore out of fear.  I want to understand what it is you are curious about, so I can help you find answers.  I've been there too, so I might be able to help.

 

It is hard to take things on faith or trust, so let's just try to take this on truth.

 

Do you feel truth in your heart as you read this, little brother?  I do.  I know I have wronged you, and I am truly sorry.

 

Love you bro

 

 

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