“Pain (any pain–emotional, physical, mental) has a message. The information it has about our life can be remarkably specific, but it usually falls into one of two categories: “We would be more alive if we did more of this,” and, “Life would be more lovely if we did less of that.” Once we get the pain’s message, and follow its advice, the pain goes away.” ~ Peter McWilliams
Have you noticed how afraid we all are of feeling any emotional pain? And how we would do anything in our power to avoid it? Nobody wants it. We all try to get rid of it. We all try to hide and run away from it, and the irony is that the more we try to reject and resist it, the more intense it gets and the longer it stays with us.
We all have our ups and downs. We all experience emotional pain from time to time. But that doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with us. It doesn’t mean we’re ‘broken’ or ‘defective’. On the contrary. It only shows that we are human. That we have feelings and emotions.
Today I would like to share with you 12 tips for recovering from emotional pain. So that you can continue living your life in peace and harmony and do the things you so much enjoy doing.
1. Embrace with grace all that you face.
“Everything you are against weakens you. Everything you are for empowers you.” ~ Wayne Dyer
Let go of any feelings of anger, disgust or frustration you might have towards yourself, your emotional pain and your current reality. Resist nothing. Embrace with grace all that you face. Surrender to what is. Accept what you’re going through. All your thoughts, feelings and frustrations. Accept your emotional pain as if you have chosen it.
2. Give yourself time.
It takes time to drive out the darkness from our minds and our hearts. It takes time to accept the presence of emotional pain into our lives. So give yourself time. Time to rest, time to heal and time to fully recover. Be gentle with yourself and trust that everything happens exactly as it’s supposed to happen.
“There is a time for being ahead, a time for being behind; a time for being in motion, a time for being at rest; a time for being vigorous, a time for being exhausted; a time for being safe, a time for being in danger. The Master sees things as they are, without trying to control them. She lets them go their own way, and resides at the center of the circle.” ~ Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching
Please refrain yourself from making comments like: “I have been feeling like this for far too long. I should be fine by now. Why does it take so long for this pain to be gone?” and so on. Allow things to follow their natural course. Allow yourself to heal at your own pace. Let go of the need to control the healing process. Let go of the need to speed up your recovery.
4. Suffer consciously.
Observe your emotional pain, your anguish and frustrations. Observe the constant stream of negative thoughts that run through your mind. The dreadful stories that keep feeding your pain, but choose not to identify yourself with them. See yourself as the one who’s observing all that emotional pain and all that discomfort. But don’t make the pain part of who you are. Don’t make it your person life story. Don’t claim it as your own.
“Suffering consciously is when you feel, sense and accept the suffering. It is not suffering anymore it is just pain. To be suffering you must have an unhappy me with a story and the world that is doing it to me.” ~ Eckhart Tolle
5. Love your pain away.
Nobody likes to be in the presence of pain. We all want to get rid of it. To run as far away from it as we possibly can. But there are times when pain demands our presence, our focus and attention. There are times when pain demands to be felt. So take the time to know your emotional pain. To nourish it, to understand it. Don’t curs your pain. Love your pain and it will go away.
“Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.” – Martin Luther King,
6. Give time, time.
“Time heals almost everything. Give time, time.” ~ Regina Brett
It takes time to drive out the darkness from our minds and from our hearts. It takes time to heal our wounds and accept the presence of emotional pain into our lives. So give time, time.
7. Spend time alone with yourself.
When you love someone, you spend private time with that person, quality time. And in the dark moments of our lives, when pain is present in our hearts and in our minds, spending time alone with ourselves is one of the best gift we can give to ourselves.
Take the time to be alone with yourself. To acknowledge, love and appreciate the parts of you that are beautiful. To love yourself and to know yourself. To rest, time to heal and to fully recover from all that you are feeling.
“Your light is seen, your heart is known, your soul is cherished by more people than you might imagine. If you knew how many others have been touched in wonderful ways by you, you would be astonished. If you knew how many people feel so much for you, you would be shocked. You are far more wonderful than you think you are. Rest with that. Rest easy with that. Breathe again. You are doing fine. More than fine. Better than fine. You’re doin’ great. So relax. And love yourself today.” ~ Neale Donald Walsch
8. Reach out for help and support.
“Surround yourself with people who make you happy. People who make you laugh, who help you when you’re in need. People who genuinely care. They are the ones worth keeping in your life. Everyone else is just passing through.” ~ Karl Marx (composer)
Reach out for emotional help and support from those you love and trust. Surround yourself with cheerful and happy people. People who can make you laugh, who can make you see how beautiful life is and who can show you that there’s always something to look forward to.
9. Let nature heal and comfort you.
“One has to be alone, under the sky, Before everything falls into place and one finds his or her own place in the midst of it all. We have to have the humility to realize ourselves as part of nature.” Thomas Merton
Spend more time outdoors and Look outside in nature for evidence of decay, destruction and death. Of rebirth, rejuvenation, and renewal. And remind yourself that you too are part of nature. Allow nature to be your wise friend, teacher and companion. Allow nature to heal and comfort you. To teach you more about the infinite circle of life. About birth, life, death, rebirth and about yourself.
Love everything but cling on to nothing. Make peace with this idea that nothing in this life lasts forever, that nothing is yours to keep. Live each day as if it were your last. Each moment as if it were your only moment. Make the best of everything life sends your way and waste no time on arguing against what is.
“Most of our troubles are due to our passionate desire for and attachment to things that we misapprehend as enduring entities.” ~Dalai Lama
“A person who lives moment to moment, who goes on dying to the past, is never attached to anything. Attachment comes from the accumulated past. If you can be unattached to the past every moment, then you are always fresh, young, just born. You pulsate with life and that pulsation gives you immortality. You are immortal, only unaware of the fact.” ~ Osho
Every experience that comes your way, comes your way for a reason. Seek to know what that reason is. Seek to learn from every painful experience and every painful interaction life sends your way. Be an alchemist. Turn your wounds into wisdom and your difficulties into opportunities. Let your pain make you better, not bitter.
“Out of clutter, find simplicity. From discord, find harmony. In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity.” ~ Albert Einstein
12. No pain is forever.
If you’re still alive, if you’re still breathing, it only means that there’s still a lot of life for you out there. A lot of places for you to go to, many new and exciting things to do, to learn and to love. So pick yourself up. Dust yourself off, and start all over again. Start rebuilding your life and make it ridiculously amazing. Don’t let a bad and painful experience make you feel like you have a bad and painful life. Don’t let a rainy day dampen your fun. Never forget that the Sun always shines above the clouds. It’s always up there
“Our real blessings often appear to us in the shape of pains, losses and disappointments; but let us have patience and we soon shall see them in their proper figures.” ~ Joseph Addison
About the Author: When nobody’s watching, I pretend I’m a moon sprite; transcendent, effervescent, ever curious. Yet my birth certificate says I’m a human born in Romania. Oh well. I’m an enthusiastic student of the arts, economics, psychology and spirituality – and I take great pleasure in shining light on life’s hidden truths, the paradoxes that both stare us in the face and hide from us in unison, as they silently shape our every waking moment. I am the author of the successful blog post 15 Things You Should Give Up To Be Happy which became perhaps the most viral personal growth blog post in history. Over 1.2 MILLION people shared it on Facebook. This lead to a book offer from one of the world’s major publishers and a speaking slot at Mindvalley’s Awesomeness Fest (see video below), where I shared a horrific personal story of trauma and abuse at an early age. And how I coped with these wounds and rather than let them break me – instead used them to propel myself into a new world, a new career and a meaningful and happy life.