madness looking for love

 I have a need and that is desire. I desire to share myself and be accepted. I wish for all things to be right and inspiring towards progression. i know of the feeling of being lost, unwound and searching for something to bring you together. i am alone. i am myself and me and everyone is free to be a part of infinity. i close my eyes to dream of friends i never knew or am learning to know. i think  my path is taking me home. home to a place of knowing without trying. i try and i fail. i try and feel guilt for trying. im tired of being wrong. im exausted at the fact that i could waste so much energy looking for something so simple.


Sometimes i don't know to be personal or simply obtruse. am i seeking someones help or helping someone to seek.. my mind is a mess of thought working to find itself in it's creations. i Am a mirror of the divine. can someone save me...I am saved . SAVED by the light of a new day and a new way to say i love you. hold me and tell me all is good and right and that everything has purpose.


 I like this website and i like its people. i like this planet and well, i like these beings. the being that we are makes me question myself and wonder as to what purpose am i here. There seem to be many things i can think of to do that are of help. i need to allow and release and let all conceptions and expectations go in every moment. i can only plan so far to then re realise that god is the one doing the planning. i must lift myself up and know i am not alone. i am one with god and all things. i can allow god to work through me and for me for i work for god an the eternal self. we are here and thats all that matters.


my madness awakens me and hopefully you 2. i am tired of consuming and running in circles that seem to go nowhere but where i was before. my life is like an ocean flowing back and forth getting stronger then calmer. where do these giant sweels of nergy come from. how do i allow the cosmic force to work with my being. it seems like lately it has been ripping me apart and smashing me together. it doesnt feel all that great.


I am an odd person. i don't ever really have consistant friends and find myself in different groups all the time. i can't seem to hang out with certain sects of people very long even if i wanted this respect i feel alone even unwanted at times. maybe i have built some bars between me and friendship. i think it's just that my ability to be friend to someone is not met at the same level i would like to see. i feel; my energy being waisted but somehow i know it's not. i am ready t o eat and share in the fruits of my work. won't someone eat with me, feel me and love me for just being there.



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  • WOW....I read that and I couldn't believe it, if I hadn't known any better I would have sworn those are my own words??? I feel the same way? I keep looking for love as the song goes in all the wrong places? Looking in spaces....places and faces!? I have a deep desire to share and be a part of, but never find it. To be a part of something and yet be a part of nothing. I am walking on the pinnacle of lost hopes and dreams, of unexpressed needs, wants and desires, the two sides of the coin are in struggle, one is the darkest desires, I hate (but that's not me) and yet I desire? I want to hurt as I have eben hurt and yet I want to heal? I feel all these things pulling on me like you said the churning of the ocean back and minute it's anger the next it subsides? It also feels like an elavator taking me ever so higher when I feel postive and ever so lower when I feel negative? All the negative things these dark thoughts and feelings, where are they coming from? Is it because I need and want love but cannot find it and have been hurt for so long that I want to return to the world what has been doen to me? I loath these things, they are NOT me? I seem to be having so much trouble holding onto the deep love that I had just a few months ago, I was really at peace, filled with joy and love, but now it seems like a memory of long ago....of another time and another place....and I wonder if that was even me? I don't know?.......I don't feel right?....I don't feel right in my head and I don;t feel right in my heart? I have a deep pain inside of me that lingers, it's very subtle, obtuse?....I try to grasp and understand it I want to get rid of it, I want to KILL it but it subsides and seems to go away and I think it has gone but soon it returns? I feel a aprt of but at the same time I feel I don't belong? I seek people out but at the same time I loath them and want nothing to do with them? Am I just simply jealous because they have and are living the kind of life I only dream of in my dreaming state? I want to heal....I want to share....I want to express what GOD has given me....but I don't know how? do I live? do I love? How can I go on in this world went I feel I don't belong? I seem to be rambling and to me this is madness but it makes ILLOGICAL SENSE IN A LOGICAL WAY? How can the ILLOGICAL BE LOGICAL?...I can't even express this madness which seems to be consuming me?
  • thank u loves. christ is our beloved body and i am happy to be ONE!!!
  • Feeling this Brother, could say a lot of the same things. I know this paradox very well, I Am complete, I Am whole, but yet I still have the need to share myself with someone, deeply. To be in denial of that desire would stunt my growth as an entity, so I can't just throw it away while it's still a genuine feeling. I am sure you are aware though, of the great comfort there is in going inside and being in your own heart, and perhaps that will have to do for now. Here's a link to a poem I wrote about that:
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