Spiritual Forum

Sigh '-'. I've always had problems sleeping since I was a new born my parents said and I even remmeber waking up at 2-3 am at night for no apparent reason as a toddler and walking around or going in their room. I always have been hurt bu not hurt physically it's something deeper; way deeper than emotions... it's spiritual things.. I have had various past lives from one in Egypt to one in the mideavl times where i died before i was to be married,to the 1970s where i was murdered at age 14. I dunno the years of the others that I remember and im' not even sure completly what happened in those. All of my past lives seem to form as a dream and I am able to know for sure that they are past lives but it takes dream persepective and symbolism and even wide open right in my face things related to it.. the main problem taht I see i've carried over from lifetime to lifetime is a confused or completely faulty relationship with God ; I became very depressed when I was 13 for that reason ; because the thing sthey told us at church i didn't believe.. it was like YOU'LL GO TO HEAVEN IF UR GOOD BUT then they talk about firey pits of hell.. and eternal suffering.. and that made me sadder..I generally don't believe most of the Bible but I believe in MY God.I also see these black figures; I don't know who they are they all wear cloaks and they watch me ; i've seen them awake and in dreams. One was about 6' tall, slender male biuild, another was my height and it was a woman based onthe sillohette; another i saw watching me exercising it was about 5'7 and when I got up it wasn't there anymore; another one in my dream i had about three weeks ago was killing people :/  like stabbing people.. another was about 2 feet tall it's a spirit that lives in our house.. can anybody help me figure out what these things are ?? They have no faces they're all shrouded in darkness.. I really am hurting and I have become very negative being here on earth where i was before i was born i was positive and somewhat happy but lonely.. i just don't know what to do.. i tried to keep it all to myself but it is really painful and negative to deal with :/ My boyfriend knows but he doesn't understandthe depth and confusion it causes .. can anyone help as to how i should go about this ? Thank you all who've been nice to me and kind; i really could use true kindness<3