Just the other night I was reading a story about the great Hassidic mystic, Baal Shem. It was a holiday, and the Hassidim had gathered to pray and to have communion - satsang - with the master.
A man had come with his retarded child. He was a little worried about the child, the boy. He may do something, so he was keeping an eye on the boy. When the prayers were said, the boy asked his father, "I have got a whistle - Can I play on it?"
The father said, "absolutely no - Where is your whistle," because he was afraid. He may not even listen to his "no." He showed the whistle and the father kept his hand on his pocket, the boy's pocket. Then there was dancing, and the father forgot and he also started dancing. And Hassids are dancers, joyous people - the cream of Judaism, the very essence of Judaism is with them, with those mad people.
When everybody was praying to God and dancing, suddenly the boy could not resist any more. He took out his whistle and blew on it. Everybody was shocked! But Baal Shem came, hugged the boy, and said, "Our prayers are heard". Without this whistle, all was futile - because this was the only spontaneous thing here. All else was ritual."
Don't allow your life to become just a dead ritual. Let there be moments, unexplainable. Let there be a few things which are mysterious, for which you cannot supply any reason. Let there be a few things for which people will think you are a little crazy. A man who is 100% sane is dead. A little bit of craziness by the side is always a great joy. Go on doing a few crazy things too. And then meaning will be possible.
There is no self. Self is another name for ego. And what do you mean by self-respect? There is a quality of consciousness - it can be called "reverence" - but it is always unaddressed. It is not for the self, not for the other. It is simply reverence for life.
When it is addressed it is just for rationalization. And man is clever at finding beautiful words for ugly things. We can always hide our wounds and put flowers on them. And that's what you are doing - and you are also aware of it. That's why you ask: Am I wrong? You know you are wrong.
And I am not saying don't respect life - be full of respect for all life. Your life is included in it! You are not excluded from it. But it has to be reverence for all life. When it is only for the self, then what is it for the other?
And what exactly is this self? Just another name for the ego - ego is not anything else. The idea of I...and the idea is false, because whenever you go in it is never found there. Nobody has ever found any self. Just go and see...you WILL NOT find it.
Bodhidharma was asked by Emperor Wu, " I am very much disturbed by my ego", by this self. And I have tried everything, but I cannot get rid of it. Help me!"
Bodhidharma said, "Come early in the morning tomorrow, three o'clock in the morning. And come alone, and don't forget to bring your self with you - and I will finish it forever."
The emperor was afraid. This man looked mad. "How can anybody finish the self? And what does he mean when he says, Don't forget to bring the self?"
The whole night he could not sleep, tossed and turned. Many times he decided not to go, and he had said, "Come alone" - and he was a very dangerous looking man. In China he was known as the Barbarian Buddha. He had very dangerous eyes. If he looked into your eyes, then for months you would not be able to sleep. And he looked murderous - and he was a murderer. He murdered many disciples. Many people became enlightened through him. And he was really a hard taskmaster.
Three o'clock, in the dark, alone, to be with this man...and one never knows - he was unpredictable. When he entered China, he had come with one shoe on one foot, the other shoe on his head. The emperor was puzzled and he said, "What are you doing?"
He said, "I am trying to show you - this is the way I am. Just give you a taste of what type of man I am, so you know from the very beginning with whom you are dealing with."
Now, to go to this man in his mountain cave in the dark....Many times he decided not to go, but the attraction was also great - because this man was no ordinary man. Yes, on the surface he looked very hard, but deep down there was the kindest heart possible. He was all compassion. Even if he was hard, it was because of his compassion. Finally, he had to go. And the moment he reached in front of Bodhidharma...he was sitting with his staff, and he said, "You have come? Where is your ego? Where is your self? Have you brought it with you? I am going to finish it forever."
The emperor said, "What are you talking about? Is the self a thing that I can bring with me?"
Bodhidharma said, "then what is it?"
The emperor said, "Of course, it is something inside."
Bodhidharma said, "Okay, inside or outside, it makes no difference. My staff can reach anywhere! You just sit in front of me, close your eyes, and try to find it. And the moment you have found it, just tell me that " I have found, " and I will kill it."
Shaking an trembling, the emperor sat before Bodhidharma. Hours passed. the sun started rising. He looked and looked...he had to look! because this man was sitting there with his staff. He could hit hard. And by the morning when the sun was rising, he was totally a different man. Bodhidharma said, "Now you can open your eyes, where is it? For three hours you have been looking."
The emperor touched Bodhidharma's feet and said, "I cannot find it. I looked hard - I have never looked so hard. Your presence made me look hard. I searched with all my energy possible. I was not holding anything back, but I did not find it."
And Bodhidharma laughed and said, "So you see? I have finished it forever."
It is not! When you don't look it is. When you look, it is not. Go in...and you will not find any ego, any self, anything. What you will find is eternal, infinite life, and then there is really a respect for it. But it has nothing to do with you or me - it is reverence for life.
Albert Schweitzer used to use this term, "reverence for life." It is synonymous with religion. But, please, don't get into rationalizations.
Harry Robinson had just entered the parlor of a familiar bagnio when, to his utter shock, he spotted his own father coming down the stairs. Harry reeled back in surprise . "Dad!" he cried out. "What in God's name are you doing in a place like this?"
Old Robinson was equally stunned, but quickly recovered. "Now son," he said, nonchalantly brushing off his suit, "for twenty lousy bucks, would you want me to bother your dear hard working mother?"
People can always find rationalizations for anything and everything.
A Jewish mental patient was causing quite a stir in the institution because he wouldn't eat the food. "I'm kosher!" shouted Moskowitz. "I won't eat this food. I want kosher meals!" So the staff hired a Jewish woman from the community to cook special kosher meals for Moskowitz. Everybody was envious, for Moskowit's meals were much better than theirs. Friday night rolled around, and Moskowitz pushed back his chair after a delicious chicken dinner, and lit up a big cigar. This too was much for the director, who called Moskowitz into his office. "Now see here, Moskowitz. You're getting away with murder. You get the best meals because you claim to only eat kosher food. And now, on Friday night, on your Sabbath, you flout your religion and smoke a cigar!"
Moskowitz merely shrugged his shoulders. "Why are you arguing with me?" he said. "I'm crazy, ain't I?"
Remember, the mind is very CUNNING. It can always find rationalizations. It can call ego "self", "soul". It can call egoistic attitudes for self-respect, and hide itself behind those words. You have to be hard. You have to expose your mind to the very roots. Only then is there a possibility of your being exploding in bloom. The mind has to be dropped, and it is dropped only when it is exposed. It is a cheat, it is a fraud.
Osho - (from the book "The silence of the heart")
Replies