Hi,
I have spent the last few days trying to make myself whole again with litte success and a lot of frustration :)
Basically, this was because the final part I had to clear was so well hidden that it lived inside of me and had been put there by people using a technique called SICK LOVE.
I have always been able to see the truth in people and usually know when I meet someone who is dangerous. However, my one blind spot has always been in my romatic relationships. I have been with some MEGA WANKERS in my time. However, this last one was so well hidden I couldn't see him and neither could anyone else (well, maybe there was at least one person ;) )
This is what I wrote last nght. Every word is true, yet I had lived with it for 32 years and not seen it once. Ever heard the saying that the devil must be a charming man, otherwise how would so many people fall for him. Well ain't that just the truth. I just killed my last devil. With a lot of help from my friends ;)
NOW KILL YOURS!!!
SICK LOVE: The diifference between ADVICE and GUIDANCE.
Today, I found out that after my (now-ex) partner, after hacking my account because I went for an hour long walk on my own, going through my messages and deciding I had mental health problems, dragging my sick mother, suggesting that I be assessed and winding her up into a state over it, has now sent the police after me.
This was after me, right from the start, telling him that everything was fine and that there was nothing to worry about, that I was fine and that I would be home in a couple of days but I needed some space because they had breached my trust. I have massive trust issues. You'll see why shortly.
Yesterday I had to be psych assessed by a policeman and four extremely right brained old men (totally take this back now I've worked out who they were!) because of my 'strange beliefs'. Well, MORON, I tried to help you but now you are DEAD to me. I NEVER, EVER, EVER want to see you again. I'm posting this on here because he has been going through all my stuff without permission and harrassing all of my friends. Tell him to F OFF on my behalf and direct him here if he ever bothers you again.
You want to have me locked up by bunch of dick-brained middle aged losers like you? Well, WANKER, if Muslims and Christians in this country can have their faith defended by the court of human rights then so can I. Try to take me down and you will lose EVERYTIME. I have actually invited them back today so that we can talk about what you two have been doing to me for the last 32 years. I will make your CAPTORS my FRIENDS and laugh in your face.
Anyone else got family so disgustingly depedant on them that they would have to try to hunt you down, dragging an entire shit storm around them at the same time, even when you only ask them for a couple of days space because they have totally betrayed your trust. Oh, you were worried, that's ok then. Especially considering I'd already told you there was no problem.
Well guess what loser, I've had enough. I told you and you carried on with your needy and demanding behaviour. You both (one certainly more than the other) have made my life a fricking misery this far. You have tried to squash my creative abilities each time I have tried to do something decent in this world just becase you are threatened by what I have and you frickin know it. It's just a shame that it took me son long to realise otherwise I would have been out of there years ago.
I am sick to death of being given advice by idiots. The fact is that if I want to know something, I wll bloody well ask. Other people's opinions on m life are not wanted, unless they are asked for. If that makes me arrogant, so be it.
Which leads me too SICK LOVE.
Demons are easy to battle when they are in plain sight. When someone is obnoxious it is easy to spot and out them.
However, if you want to take a little piece of someone without them realising you do it with love.
For example, what kind of parent spends their entire life telling their child that they must sacrifice their own happiness in order to protect their children, when the fact is that it didn't work for them. Well losers, my chilren will be happy if I am. And that won't be in some hell hole where no-oe believes in me and does their best to crush everything I am. You will never get your sick words near them again.
What kind of man lets his partner give up everything she has while he sits on his arse, constantly demanding like a vile, spolit little brat, sapping every ounce of energy that she has, even if she does tell him that she is there to suport him. Not the man that I am going to be wiith. Has reading private messages taught you any lessons yet.........
Some people are so needy they will suck you dry. The more they sneak away, under the radar, the more they need. Eventually they become so addicted to this that they will exhibit the behaviour above.
Well, I've realised that all this 'care' and 'worry' is NOT love, not even remotely. It's away of getting off by 'helping' other people - purest form of STS energy available. Very well hidden - who do you reckon uses it. Someone who hides in plain sight.
To break this, all you need is one true friend who believes in you, guides in you only when asked and puts your needs in equal line with theirs.
I now have many friends and I can see you for what you truly are. A total drain on my resources abd pair of the most revolting, bloated monsters in history. How much sick love have you managed to soak up in this world so far?
Well it's time to give it back LOSERS. I am the owner of the half of some of the biggest balls in containment and unless you want your head crushed between the two of them - DIE. You can only be helped if you can admit what you've done and work your way out of the mess you have created.
And all because even the remote possibility that what we are taught in schools is wrong fries your tiny litte mind. And I'm mad for believing something that makes me happy........
The fact is that the reality I have created on my own (whether it's all in my head or not ) is vastly superior to 'reality' with you.
Amazingly enough, I can now sing. You will never take anything away from either of us ever again. And I could be delusional but living with you two made that my only choice.
Anyone else got family like this - if you're one of us, the chances are that you have at least one of these that you will need to take down. Here's how. Let's pop their enormous sickened egos with the TEAM PENDRAGON salute to WANKERS.
The most ironic thing is that I actually gave up the love of my life for you. NEVER, EVER, EVER AGAIN. You are DEAD to me.
I'm done
SICK LOVE METHODS EXPOSED:
These were used on me - you might find similar things in your life that you need to clear. Remember to keep slinging out the rubbish ;)
The main method is to bind your sexual urges through shame. I was told after being caught masturbating as a child that it was filthy and dirty and I was checked up on to make sure I wasn't 'doing it'. When I was nine I was told that nice girls didn't have sex and that no man would ever want you if you did. After my mother read my diary when I was 14, in which I had recorded a first and unpleasant sexual experience, she smacked me in the mouth and told me I was a whore.
Another method is to make you feel shame at your creativity. My mother took me to ballet classes and then sat behind the paper sniggering at me. Both of them have done this through my entire life. I guess that's what you get when you go all DAVID ICKE.......
Shame through 'care' and 'advice'. This one is mega easy to spot. Just tell someone that if you want your advice you will ask for it and see if they are capable of keeping their mouths shut.
Now, TEAM MORON might be even more vile than I ever thought but that doesn't mean that I hate them or that I can't forgive them.
My biggest demons had all been terribly hurt as children and had never been taught how to love. And one of them actually taught me. The other can F OFF. You aren't going to hell but you'll never get anywhere near me again. You saw what happen to last WANKER that crossed me and now I have my double. Fancy taking on a male version of me - thought not you pathetic little sh*t.
GO TEAM PENDRAGON SLAYERS - POP THEIR ENORMOUS SICK BLOATED EGOS WITH THE FINGER!!!
Touch any of us again and die. I've learned not to do second chances/.
Also, if this has happened to you, share it's the only way to get it out. It's painful and traumatic but we will all be here to help you.
Lots and lots and lots of love
Cat xxx
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