It has taken me a while but I have let go. I became weary of my depression and suicidal feelings. I have become weary of my endless feelings of autophobia and deep unsatifaction with myself. Today I have been reborn and it took me a while to figure out how.
I know this is just the beginning. I know the road ahead is long. I needed to post this to say that everyone who replied to my first blog and who read it and sent me their love, has helped me.
I woke up with this heaviness in my heart. This deep darkness. I lost track of time. I dont really know what has happened from 11am to 8pm. I cannot say what I felt and what I did. Maybe I was sleeping. Maybe I was in a trance. Maybe something happened which I cannot explain.
When I came back, I was so relieved. I cried my heart out and allowed myself to be flawed and troubled for a moment.
I wrote my father a letter. I told him I loved him. I just emailed it to him. I told him all I have been consealing and I told him what I felt and that I never hated or blamed him. In my family showing emotions is wrong and a big taboo so it was a very big step for me. Today something amazing has happened.
Tomorrow I will write my mother a letter. Then the day after tomorrow, my lovely sister will get one, then my brother and then my little brother.
They will have to sit there and read how much I always loved them and how much I will love them in the future no matter what happens. This is part of my test. To love and to admit it.
Thank you for all your lovely suggestions.
assia aka ashtar aka astaroth (yes I know, an evil nick name but it was given to me and I will love it!)
PS: I have attached a picture of me in my darkest hour. But now I finally see the sun!
Replies
After reaing your first post, I didn't know what to say. After reading this one, I am made to be happy by your courage and strength. I see in your words a very real and beautiful human with all the qualities that make someone deep and real. Thank You for being you, As long as I'm writing, I want to take the opportunity to sincerely apologize for what my country (america) has done to Iraq and is still doing. It is shameful and despite protesting since the beginning, I feel ashamed every day for my country's ongoing war crime. I'm not asking for forgiveness, just acknowledging the truth of the situation in frustrated helplessness to see it stopped. America is a soul-sick nation. With respect and admiration,
John
We all experience darkness, but when you have those moments of clarity, those moments can change your life forever....
We should all be more thankful for these moments, and reach out to grasp them as much as we can :)
~Eternal Blessings to your Soul ~ :-)~
Dear Assia,
You've just walked through a very 'special door' with much light, love and blessings. You've the courage to say 'Yes' that you want to be happy, to love and be loved, to forgive and be forgiven and to move forward with your journey.
We're all very proud of you...very, very happy for you..for taking your own power back...even from past lifetimes and multi dimensional transitions. This is a wonderful time to have your heart center/chakra opened...Mankind is moving to a higher spiritual level because of your good work...to help yourself.
When you opened your own 'door', you've sent a 'rippling' effect to the whole Universe and thus uplifting all of mankind to a higher spiritual plane.
All of You here o this AshtarCommand website...every single soul/beings are very special and very powerful beings...you've yet to understand and experience your own power...the might of your will...the super and brightest light of your divinity...and how much further all of you can shine - its immensity, its wondrous creativity and the Oneness of Love.
I applaud you Assia! Shine on! You can be brighter and you are already beautiful!
I'm glad to hear that, Assia.
<3 *HUGS* €>
BTW: You are a beautiful young lady, Assia. :)
Wow that's amazing!!!!
LOOOOOVE,
Yonatan (: