Spiritual Forum

I really don't quite know how to begin. so I've decided that I'm just going to type, and hopefully I'll be happy with what comes out.

I am going through what I can only describe as a period of great spiritual confusion.  And I have been this way for awhile now. And I guess I'm just looking for someone to read what I'm about to write, give me some input, and maybe give me some advice/guidance/opinions.

I started my life off as a 'christian' (I've never been what I would consider a true christian simply because I have always had my own belief structure.)

About five years ago, I got together with a girl.  She was a practicing 'pagan'. She claimed to have earned the 'rank' of High Priestess.  Whether this is true or not, I do not know. And personally, no longer care. For about two years, I was a practicing pagan. (Not Wicca, but using the same ceremonial structure).  Some of what I learned was from her, and some of it was from books.

Long story short, she ended up cheating on me, eventually making a very HUGE change in her personality. To the point she has abandoned her three children (one of which is mine.) After things went sore, I pretty much stopped practicing. And honestly, I was too busy picking up my life to really think about that sort of stuff very often.

However, my life is very good right now.  I've been with my wife for three years now, married to her for more than a year.  We have a family of three children. (she has one from a previous relationship, as do I from my previous relationship, and we have one together as well).

Over the course of the last year or so, I have found myself back on what I consider my personal path of enlightment.  I have tried to believe in Christianity again, but there are a few HUGE gaps that I have been unable to accept, and it personally just does not resonate with me.

And I've consider attempted to practice "Magick" again, this time under a different style, such as the Golden Dawn style of Ceremonial magic, or Folk Magic, such as Wiccan, or a white magic style.

However...  I don't think I will.  I know it can work, if the intent & the will is there.  However, I don't think it's personally right for me.

Over the past half year or so, I've pretty much just been absorbing knowledge for the sake of absorbing it, without really making a personal judgment or judgment in regards to the validity of it.

I've been very 'flip flopish' lately tho.  And I just can't figure out exactly what it is I am supposed to be doing.

Ok, I'm done writing for now.  If you've read this far, thank you.  And I guess all I'm asking for is whatever your willing to give.  I could use advice and/or guidance as far as how to proceed next in my spiritual path. I would also love to hear some personal experiences and opinions. And I would even be interested in talking to some new people (something that I have, sadly, not done alot of in awhile).

Anyways, Thanks anyone who took the time to read, and thanks to the creator of this site.  I might not believe in a lot of what I read on this page, and I am very skeptical.  But I find this site very comforting in a way I haven't quite figured out yet. I think most of all, it's because the majority of the people on this site seem to have good intentions, and that's always been than the alternative.

-Salzy