Not sure where to begin, but i have no were else to turn, nothing seems to make sense anymore.

I keep waking up really early in the morning (no alarm clock and no other sound that could "wake" me up) and i keep feeling filled with energy, but it is drained just as fast as i receive it... i don't know if its because of my living circumstances .  i just keep crying ALL THE TIME ! i can't seem to stop it... it is as if everything makes me sad. i used to be a constantly happy person!

I am surrounded by people that love me , my family and friends but i can't help but feel alone... I've always felt it since i was a child but it has never been as strong as now. 

For some reason i hide what i feel from the rest of the world, almost as if i do not want to make them worry about me.
In my physical body i keep getting pains on my shoulders and back, not so long ago i had a anxiety attack if i am right, i got chest pain from it and after it my left arm has been in great pain i can't seem to use it like before... i lost my voice for almost a week for no reason at all i was not even sick yet i got a weird inflammation.
my sight keeps getting blurry and sometimes i see white orb-like things lost around me sometimes they are of darker color. 
I wake up with the sensation of someone watching me (very often) sometimes things move when I'm alone in a room.

i don't know what  am to do , i try to meditate but i can't focus, or i focus for a while and then something in me or from outside keep interrupting me.
Its like i can't get time to breathe.

this may all seem weird or sad to you but i don't know where to turn i feel as if I'm about to loose my mind... 

everything in this reality just feels so meaningless...

i just need to know what is wrong with me
 
I would really appreciate any kind of words from you all

Love & light to you all <3 

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  • i will do my best to keep my chin up , and i used the breathing you suggested it felt a bit weird in the beggining since im not used to it, but focusing on my breath actually helped <3

    now that i think about it, when i had my anxiety attack i actually kept hearing a voice telling me not to be afraid, it kept telling me to calm down and surrender to my feelings.

    weird that your text actually reminded me of this...
    :) id like to befriend you ! :D

    Love & ligth to you dear one ! thaaaank you ! 

  • it all makes so much sense when i read what all of you have written, and i actually dont know if im indigo or starseed i honestly have no idea, all i know is that ive felt different since i was a child and i still do. in a good way tho :3

    i wanna thank you ivy ivy for taking time to write me <3 

    i wish you the best in life <3

    Lots of love & light to you dear  

  • thank you <3 you are all true angels !

    i wish you all the very best <3

    Love *& ligth to you dear marianinia 

  • thank you for your tips on how to focus ! :D 

    i actually tried the focus my sigth  on object it helped me close out all those silly negative thoughts at least for a while. do this for a few more times and maybe i migth actually be able to control what i think a bit more, upgrading is in need :)

    Thank you again for your kind words <3

    and you to feel free to write me anytime :)

    Love & ligth to you my dear friend 

  • O sweetie, wish I knew what to tell you. Been going through the same stuff, and it didnt matter who I asked for help, whether it was from a medium, crystal worker or guru, the answers did ring with some truth, but still did not resonate with me, and it just kept on feeling harder and made me realize that no-one can answer this except for me.

    The problem for me, was very clear, although not at the time. While experiencing this weird sensations, nausea, headaches, anxiousness, nervousness, cramps, strange cold wind blowing through my ears, lost a voice with no throat pains, everything else seemed to be falling apart around me and I was stuck, couldnt move or do anything about it. My husband had caught staff stealing the first day I was off, then the next day our delivery truck was written off and these things continued through the week. In this time my hubby was loosing it, as I was unable to help him, I was tooo emotionally fragile and scared of something, I just could not go into work. 

    I started realizing there was a pattern to what we call our bad luck, this kind of drama seemed to be un-folding every year May for us, this idea started driving me insane. I started on a 2 week course of no sleep and no food, actually still on and off this course, and started to look at Astrology and try and understand if there is a pattern, there must be a message in all this, but what is it. Anyways, I discovered a lot of truth those weeks and now know that there is a force shoving us to change, and that It is no longer my job to sort out others Karma (the force keeping me from assisting my husband). AM I SCARED, of course. Change, I mean, I have been in the fuel industry since I was 18, my husband has been specializing in this technical arena for 13yrs, but since we have had the business, bad luck every May. Im not living my purpose, this is very clear now.

    See these feelings more as spiritual, take some time for yourself, think deeper, im still trying. Maybe have a look at Numerology or Galactic Astrology and see if you are living your purpose as described by your birth, I found my purpose is the same as I always felt in my heart as a little girl, I now have to learn at 32 how to become that, thats the part thats not easy, thats the part that everyone calls hard, as it is stepping into something you are completely un-familiar with on the surface.

    Feeling alone in all this is scary, still. No one believes me, it makes it harder. Yet, why should anyone understand YOUR purpose, its up to them to discover their own and it is up to you to discover yours, with the shove from our higher selves

    Im so sorry if you are still feeling terrible, just know, you need to survive through it and not let it get you down tooo much, been practicing "It takes 70sec to change your mind and feelings", just force happy thoughts and feelings in this time, and hopefully we sensitive beings make it through.

    • oh and btw i dont know much about numerology, a friend of mine that reads tarot told me my number was 5 and my main card was the heirophant .

      When reading what the card ment it actually described the story of my life basically lol :)

      im usually the one "helping & guiding " others, but i guess i can fall to even tho ive never really let myself be "weak".

      Now i know that there is nothing wrong with feeling down or crying, without that i would never know what being happy and smiling truly means <3 

      • O you so brave. I remember reading somewhere that crying is a way for starseeds to release all that negative and sad energy, its so true, the more we cry to ourselves, the better we feel after. Awesome that you have been attempting the breathing thing (meditation), hehehehehehe, I still battle with the concept of closing my eyes to make a difference.

        O by the way, all news is good news, so it doesnt matter if you feel it wasnt good, to the rest of us, it is. Even when describing ones emotions and sadness is important for us to note, and realize our symptoms and that we are not alone as we feel.

        Namaste

        P.S Such beautiful eyes, so wide and long. Im assuming Tsubasa is of Japanese decent, but still, more defined eye than most Ive seen, lucky girl.  

        • :D yes its true, after each time i cry i feel alot better ina weird way, like a weight has been taken of my shoulders :)

          you have all helped me incredibly much ! <3 

          and im actually latin american (Chilean) ^^ nothing asian at all in me , i think.

          :D but thank you for the compliment Melanie ! You are very beautiful and with your loving nature even more so :) 

          Love & Ligth to you dear <3

    • thank you very much for your words Melanie , and indeed your story sounds pretty much like mine exept it was made for you , mine has a bit different story line but overall same kind of feelings.

      and i have actually been felling better, ive listened to what all of you have said and its getting better simply by wanting it and making it happen for me, and the part where im not living my purpose is true, i do know my purpose and my living circumstances have been stopping me from doing what my spirit truly wants. but it will alla change soon :) and maybe next time you'll all get to read some good news from me !


      Love & light to you <3 

  • Dear Yuki-Tsubasa, You have amazing suggestions, advice and encouragement from these loving spiritual brothers and sisters everywhere, and I add to their comments, take your time ponder and if you can contact someone spiritual who is a healer to assist you I'm sure you will receive great benefits. Love and Light

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